MY LADY...a short story
Hi there. This story is the culmination of two weeks work between four women (Silvia, Priscilla, Rosa & me) sitting in a boring classroom for 2hrs a week in 1997. Each time the colour changes it means the writer changed, we did not do this in any order so you can't tell who wrote what but lets just say it sure brightened up the class. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did writing it!!!
As my lady-in-waiting helped me dress this fine day I replayed in my head the tender moments of the night before when
enchanting white knights wined, dined and had their way with me. In particular the 'white knight with the gold eye'.
But the morning beckoned to me and I alighted my white horse and rode of into
the forest, looking for the white knight with the gold eye, but all I could find was a poor farmer who
begged me to take him back to my castle, where he would give his life to serve me. I thought he was very dashing and I needed a good man servant who could
take commands from a worthy woman who enjoyed having a dashing man as a slave. We agreed that if I want him to kneel, he'd do as I wished.
But I soon became restless and wanted someone of my own who was my equal so I sent my 'farmer' to search for someone. I bid him farewell and
off he went. I on the other hand stayed at the castle, enjoying the company of all the men, none comparing to my 'farmer' or the 'white knight with the gold eye' (whom I'd never seen since that night).
One day I went walking in the forest again and who should I see
but the white knight. He looked very unhappy. He told me that he was searching for me and when he had given up hope he became so sad. I said he didn't need to worry because I had found him. I gave him so many kisses to wipe away his tears.
He was now very happy and we went walking in the forest and came upon
a very lavish picnic area, with overflowing champagne and strawberries, caviar and chicken and cumbert. We enjoyed the delicious lunch before us, whilst staring at each other over the brim of our glasses. He then took my hand
after helping me onto my horse we rode off towards the sun. When we reached
Kilda, the town of the north. I was tired so we found a room and stayed overnight.
The next day we headed into the town, where we came across
the poor 'farmer'. The only thing was he was no longer a poor farmer but had become wealthy because he owned a
vast area with many fine cattle. His castle arose from the magnificent hill, the drive had mile after mile of well groomed hedges. I felt a sharp pain in
my heart, for I knew I still felt love for my poor 'farmer'. We approached the heavy wooden doors when suddenly
my rich 'farmer' came towards us on his horse and pulled me up to sit in front of him and we rode off.
I now realised I did love him and waved goodbye to my 'white knight with the gold eye'. When I asked my rich 'farmer' where we were going he said
he was taking me to a land far away, a land where no one could or would come between us. I shrugged my shoulders and went along with him, his solid arms surrounding me and guiding his horse. Eventually we arrived at
a land so green and hilly that I gasped aloud. My farmer smiled at me and got off the horse, picked me up and carried me off to the tall scented grasses.
I lay on my back gazing up towards the clear blue sky. My farmer said he would find me a place to stay aws he had to go to
buy some more land. I continued looking up at the sky and told him I would wait for him to return. I waited for ages. A long time went by and I got a bit bored so I got up to go. I then realised I didn't have a clue where I was so I went towards what I thought was the town.
I then realised that
it was a painting, a beautiful mural so I walked around to the other side of the mural and found
a pot of gold. I decided to take out as much gold as would fit in my pockets.
I then found my horse and rode off to
the edge of the mural and galloped out of the picture into the vast land beneath. I galloped over and over something that was
a mound of soil, or so I thought. As I looked I noticed that underneath there was a tiny fairyland. I dug and dug until I made a hole big enough for me to crawl into. I went down until I came to
Lilliput and just like Gulliver I was poked and prodded by the little people. But I was in search of somewhere to stay and
came upon a small dwarf looking house.
I placed my weary head on the pillow only to realise that
it wasn't a pillow but a group of frogs that were sleeping. I woke them with my gasp of surprise.
One frog then said to me
"hello, but haven't we met before?"
I was stunned and tried hard to gather my thoughts before I said
"well darling, Keanu!!! Who in the hell kissed you to become a frog? Must say you look rather good to fry!!"
The frog then
looked at me with fright. I was only joking and told him. We then both laughed and I said
"what can I do for you? I would love to make you human again."
But as I bent to kiss him I realised
I no longer had lips having galloped over the edge of the mural so the frog and I exchanged
funny stories.
The more he laughed, the more human he became. We kept this up all day and most of the night. Then by 3:30am he was finally human and I said
"Lets get out of here!"
He agreed and suggested we go to
a tavern he knew. So went down the street to a small but crowded pub. I ordered a
pina colada and my human friend a scotch on ice. When I turned around to present him his drink he had
a strange look on his face. I realised that he didn't drink as he is a devout buddhist. I thought 'WOW! what a guy!' I asked him if he wanted to marry me and he said
"NO WAY BABY. I'm a free wheeling soul!"
So I said
"Well I'm outta here bucko"
and on my leaving I threw my pina colada at him and
walked out (I can't believe I'm walking out on Keanu) I walked down the street not knowing where I was going. I was heart broken when I then came across a
pinball machine that also told your fortune.
I placed six gold coins in the slot. The machine slowly wound itself up and a printed card came out of the narrow slot at the top. I turned that card over and read
HELLO THERE YOU HAVE JUST WON A TRIP TO THE LAND OF FANTASY WHERE YOUR DREAMS ARE ABLE TO COME TRUE. HOWEVER THERE IS ONE LITTLE POINT TO CONSIDER
YOU CAN'T SAY NO TO ANYTHING ONCE YOUR DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE.
So I went to sleep there and then and dreamt of
peace and harmony and when I awoke I was in
a wonderful, silent forest. I could hear the occasional bird call and water twinkle somewhere behind. I gazed around and something caught my eye.
Someone dressed in sequins and I thought excellent, someone with taste. I then noticed that it was a knight, his armour made out of sequins and I thought I have to get to know this wonderful person so I asked him
what his name was and he replied that his name was
Peter Russell Clarke. So I ran as fast as I could the other way.
I kept running until
I reached the other side of the big forest.
In the forest the leaves of the trees were purple. As I stood gazing up at them in wonder I heard a rustling noise. I turned around to see
the little forest people who took my hand and ran very quickly and quietly to a place where
I found another pot of gold.
They asked me if I wanted it and because I had promised to say yes to everything (as per card from machine) I said "yes". As I walked away I realised that I needed something to help me carry it (as it was too heavy). The little people pointed me to a little house 'there I would find what I needed' they said.
As I went in (it was a little squashy) I saw
the Canadian Chippendales waiting for me. From somewhere the music started, they grabbed my hand and made me sit in a chair and they began to do their thing. One of them asked me to undo his belt on his jeans, to which I answered (after remembering my promise)
YES! But I didn't want to stay as I wanted to find my own true love. So they stopped dancing and instead offered to help me in my quest by helping to carry my pot of gold.
We set out across the river when
a cheetah jumped across the river from one bank to another. As the cheetah jumped so to did a godlike man. He turned his sparkling eyes towards me as I grabbed the pot of gold he
said
"can I help you carry that? It looks heavy."
I had to say yes.
I then said
"I think I know you, did you used to be a white knight?"
He said
"No, I'm your poor/rich farmer."
This I knew was meant to be because he kept coming into my life. At this time I said to him
"Will you take me home with you?"
To which he replied
"Yes, but first I must challenge the leading knight of this land to a duel."
He asked if I would run across many miles, jump lily pads in the pond, grab the rope at the end of the river and swing across to get the blue rose on the bank. Then run across the open fields to the prized trophy of
a naked man.
The only problem was that this 'naked man' had a VERY hairy
back which was very sensitive to touch and he enjoyed having someone run their fingers through his hair. I hesitated then. I answered
turn around mate, while I grab
a comb. i thought he may enjoy having his back combed. As I started combing his hair he started to
laugh and I noticed he was malting (the hair was sticking to the comb). I continued to comb his back until all the hair was gone, then I got some essential oils and began to rub it into his back.
While I was doing this he began to get a very large
mole on his left shoulder. I noticed that hair started to grow quickly out of this mole. I was in a dilemma. How do I
continue massaging his back if there is hair growing out of the mole. So I got a pair of tweezers and started plucking them out. He then said
"Please, don't stop! Don't stop!!"
I continued until
he screamed with pleasure at which time he turned to face me and I was hit by
his remarkably attractive
nose. It seemed so well structured and formed in his ape like face. I couldn't stop staring at his nose. I wanted to
lick it but something stopped me. It was him saying I want you to touch my
other large
ear so that you can get closer to the other blue rose, from then on you jump that rock to find a single white
male who was also naked.
Now there were two of them and both wanted to
please me. I didn't know which one was to go first. I then said, it's been such a long time I can't decide which one of you should go first. You are both so attractive (even the one that looks like and ape!) so you can both go at the same time.
They both started to
dance the 'hokey pokey' around me at the same time they were tickling my
belly button until I couldn't laugh anymore. I was enjoying myself immensely. I found them both glorious ticklers.
It was then I realised
my poor 'farmer' was standing there watching us frolicking. I asked him if he would like to join us but he said he preferred to 'watch', so me and the other two continued. One now had his hand on my
head. He then started massaging my head and this felt great. The other started massaging my feet. I thought, fantastic, I'll have to take you guys back to the palace. As I was thinking this one of them started to....
fart. The smell was horrible. It got so bad that I had to
high tail it out of there with my farmer.
I promised I'd be loyal and stop frolicking with other men. However as we travelled the road to the palace I came across a scene which I desperately wanted to participate in.
I let go of my farmers hand to
join in the movie set. There was Keanu, Christian, Sean and Hugh, all doing a movie which I hadn't expected them to be doing (well maybe Hugh!!!) I had to remove my
clothes. They were filming a nude movie. Fantastic I thought. I looked back at my 'farmer' and he seemed happy to sit back and watch. I went up to Keanu and said
"Hi, remember me?"
and he said
no but he was willing to get to know me better. So he took my hand and introduced me to the rest of the crew.
One of the cameramen gave him a red ribbon and said the director had asked him to tie the ribbon to my
little toe.
I had to then stand next to Keanu with my right arm around his shoulders and my left hand on his
firm stomach. This I did eagerly. Then the director asked Christian to come over also and kiss my
lips. I thought, this is my lucky day, my arm around Keanu and Christian kissing me.
I then noticed that his
teeth were dirty and as he went to kiss me I felt this shiver run up my spine as I felt this cold wet touch on my
left bottom cheek. I turned around to see Sean behind me using his.................
this is as far as we got..I'm now looking for a perfect ending to this story and I'm hoping someone out there has the perfect ending. If you can think of it please send me a copy at lekky@hotmail.com. The top ten (my choice, if I get that many) will be put up on a page on 15 December 1999 and you'll be able to vote for your favourite from then until Christmas when the winner will be announced and the ending added. Unfortunately, I don't have any prize for this except that your name will go in the credits for the page.
Another Quality Shazza Production© 1999
lekky@hotmail.com
Page last updated: November 7 1999