VERY DEEP THOUGHTS 2

• I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
• Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, andthe guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.
• As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her she should write in her suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke - just to get out of writing a simple letter! And I thought I was lazy!
• One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to driveover to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late.
• Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
• We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.
• I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
• If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
• Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
• If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
• "Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I don't think she would know sensuality if it bite her on the ass."
• "If you drop your keys into molten lava just let 'em go 'cause, man, they're gone."
• Contrary to popular belief, the most dangerous animal is not the lion or tiger or even the elephant. The most dangerous animal is as shark riding on an elephant, just trampeling and eating everything they see.

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