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FAREWELL

"... Nor does anyone know what it is that he will earn on the morrow, nor does anyone know in what land he is to die. Verily with God is all knowledge and He is acquainted (with all things)." (31:34)

Time went by. Everything changed. And one day we found ourselves to be the "old" ones in the student club. The board consisted of young people, that hadn't even started university when we founded the club. Another lesson: Everybody is replaceable. But we were happy, that the community stayed alive.
And it was true, we did all grow older. We graduated and started families. Everybody went his way and we hardly saw each other anymore. Mohamed and I had in the meanwhile become parents of two daughters. Tasnim ("Tasneem") and Yusra turned our life upside down. When Tasnim was born - after some waiting and a miscarriage - Mohamed and I were grateful and happy. Right after her birth, an experience that Mohamed had shared with me, he whispered the Azzan, the Muslim call for prayer, into Tasnims ear: "God is greater, God is greater, I testify that there is no God but God, I testify that Muhammad is His messenger, come to prayer, come to success, God is greater, there is no God but God."
The name "Tasnim" is taken from Qur'an. It is the name of a spring, out of which the believers will drink in paradise.
Soon after I was pregnant "again". My family was shocked. Yet the age difference between my daughters is one and a half years. Exactly the same as between me and my brother. But obviously the times have changed.
And again it was a girl, who Mohamed tenderly welcomed  with Azzan. We named her Yusra. That name is taken from Qur'an as well. It means something like :making easy or light". God lightens our burden.

Mohamed and I were happy with our two daughters. But my mother turned out to be quite disappointed, that it was another girl. "Girls will have more problems than boys. You probably want them to wear a head scarf when they grow up?" Generally with the birth of my daughters I found myself in the crossfire of critics. When I became Muslim, I had been told: "That's your life. Do with it, what you like." Now I heard: "You don't want to cause hardship in your children's life, do you?"
Of course neither me nor Mohamed wanted to cause hardship in our children's lives. Actually we hadn't thought much before about what it means to have children. I had never intended to leave my Masters certificates in the drawer and spend my time with house keeping. And now all of a sudden we were responsible for these two little girls. So we began to ask ourselves, what the future of our children would look like.
Would they one day freely testify: "There is no God but God, and Muhammad is His messenger."? Or would they be "normal" Germans once out of the house? Would they grow up to teenagers, that don't belong anywhere, as my parents had prophesied before I married? Like so many other children I had met in the mosques?

Thanks God I am able to take care of my children. I decided to stay at home with my daughters. Which didn't please my father at all. He thinks, I am wasting my abilities. Actually I am asked a lot why I am not working. To be a housekeeper and mother is not appropriate for an educate young European woman. A career is considered by women an essential part of living. The micro census of April 1994 shows for Germany, that 40.4 percent of married and 44.1 percent of unmarried mothers of a child less than three years of age do have a job. The motherly type isn't asked for anymore in our society. For years the psychologist by the name of Ute Erhardt is on top of the bestseller list  with the title: "Gute Maedchen kommen in den Himmel, boese ueberall hin" (Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere). And the radio plays "Girls just wanna have fun!"
Family is loosing its place as "normal" way of life. Relationships have ceased to be about offspring. In German relationships "Love" and "Care" are rated higher than "Family". Should the relationship unexpectedly not turn out to be harmonic but rather generate stress, it is dissolved. In the U.S.A. already every second marriage is divorced. About half of the U.S children will experience the divorce of their parents while they are still minors. Those children will be more likely to divorce than children who have grown up in healthy marriages, when they grow up. So numbers are spiraling up. But who cares? We have become flexible. Even the complete abolishment of marriage itself is discussed in some places. Alternative ways of life are propagated. In France about 35% of the children are already born out of wedlock. In the U.S.A. more than a third of the adults are unmarried. The group of homosexuals e.g. is big enough to be a high value customer group aimed at by advertisement experts. An estimated 10 percent of U.S. men and 6 percent of U.S. women is leading a homosexual life. A kind of belief in fate. Educated people do believe - without any plausible scientific reason - to be biological predestinated for a certain sexual desire. "That's how I am. It's not my fault!" Thanks to the media, sex has become a public affair. Fetishists, transvestites, everybody articulates himself in uncountable talk shows, where the How?, When?, Where?, With whom? and Why? is discussed. Before you die, you should have seen and tried everything there is. The more exotic, the better. We have learned to view naked human skin as something completely natural. So we need some more to get excited about. Attractiveness is everything in society. People showing their body are more accepted than "buttoned-up" fellows.

How can you raise a child in an Islamic way in such en environment?
A good question! But the question I am asked over and over is put slightly differently: "How can you want to raise your child in such an environment in an Islamic way?"Isn't it the children, who suffer the most of our crumbling social structures? German therapists label children growing up without father as "risk and problem group". Children from one-parent-families more often show psychological disorders, get bad grades at school or take drugs. Girls are more often molested and there are more teenage pregnancies. In the U.S.A. nearly two thirds of rapists, three quarters of teenage murderers and a comparable high percentage of young incarcerates grew up without a father.
I do think about my children. I don't want my daughters to grow up to become part of the 20 percent of Germans, who feel lonely in this world without stability, where everybody depends only on himself. I want them to feel accepted as they are. Without having to undress for this. The over stressing of sexuality in our society causes a lot of women to feel sexually exploited, while looking for love and acceptance. More important than an attractive body should be the development of a healthy personality. I don't say we have to deny our bodies, but I do not support Western exhibitionism. We don't need unlimited sexual freedom, but rather community with other people. A hug as sign of friendship is becoming rare in society. You can hardly kiss a child without making people think about child abuse. And a man hugging another man is right away labeled "gay".
In a social science study a British convert to Islam is quoted. He complains about the lack of human relations in British society. Bodily contact is only possible with one's girlfriend. Muslims on the other hand view the whole subject a lot more natural. They pray side by side, shoulders and feet touching. And they greet each other with handshakes and hugs. Even men.
I wish for my daughters that they might develop self-confidence as a woman, independent of the expectations of Western performance oriented society. That they grow up to become responsible persons, who are aware of their environment and show interest for other things but their personal advantages.
For me Islam is the better alternative.

Of course my mother also has a point in prophesying, that an Islamic education in Germany will cause problems for us and our children. It is true that the situation for Muslims in Germany - actually all over Europe - isn't too easyy.
It starts already with the choice of name. According to Hadeeth it is the duty of parents, to pick a nice name for their children. Unfortunately German officials hardly ever share the parent's opinion about the beauty of a name. As well for Tasnim as for Yusra we had to bring a certificate from the Egyptian embassy stating that these are names. With Yusra I was advised to choose a less exotic name or at least pick a German middle name. After all, so many marriages with foreigners are divorced, and then the poor children have to live with their exotic names all their life. At least the state accepted our choice of names. That is not always so. Among our acquaintances a boy was named Tarek after the historical general Tarek. A common Arabic name, that wasn't accepted by the German officials. Only the court allowed the name. And a little girl was allowed the name Manal only under the condition that the Middle name would clearly show the gender of the child. Names, that according to German law fulfill this condition, are e.g. written down in the list of Common First Names in our Family Book (An official German collection of family papers like marriage or birth certificates.) Among the names listed there are e.g. Urte, Gesche, Fokke or Huschke, all "common" and "clear" in gender matters. (For those that don't know German, these names are all but "common" or "clear" :-) )
Then we have the problem of kindergarten and school. Motivated teachers try, to teach Muslim children the Western way of life. Neutrality of school in regard to the religious up-bringing of the children by the parents doesn't work with Islam.  The education bases on the Western ideas and values. Over and over Muslim parents have to go to German court to have it confirm that Muslim children at least can't be forced to participate at mixed gender swimming classes and that Muslim girls can wear their headscarf in class.
And after graduation professional life starts off. In regard to jobs the perspectives of Muslim girls are really bad. A Turkish girl was rejected as nurse with the argument, she couldn't work with scarf for hygienic reasons. The same hospital did of course employ nuns in their attire. A German Muslima didn't get unemployment money because by wearing the scarf she herself  made it difficult to find a job for her. She had to go to court to prove her right of receiving unemployment money. Even shop assistants with scarf are considered to drive away customers. Well, at least a career in cleaning offices will be open to my daughters, once they finish college.

But my mother is wrong to think, this kind of discrimination is only concerning women. A German Muslim student was kicked out of his job as guard because of his belief. He was considered a security risk. A German Muslim university graduate, was considered "hard to employ" by German officials. He was asked instead, if he wouldn't like to spy on his fellow believers. And an Arabic scientist was denied an assistant job and a chance to get a Ph.D. at a German university. The professor told him: "If you would be from Tel Aviv or Boston, there wouldn't be any problem. But you have to understand. This kind of research might be used in weapon technology."

Then there are all the additional problems of Muslim daily life in Germany. For example the problem of slaughtering. Islam prescribes - as well as Judaism - that during slaughtering the name of God has to be called upon and the blood has to leave the animal. Of course the Jewish community is allowed to slaughter according to Mosaic law in Germany. And of course in summer 1996 a German court in Munich has denied the Muslim community a comparable permit. The judge argued, it wasn't necessary to torture animals out of religious reasons. Rather believers could forgo meat at all. And again of course this ruling only applies to Muslims, not to Jews. As if it would make a difference for the animal, if the name of God is called upon in Hebrew or Arabic.
But Islamic communities in Germany just don't have any other juridical status than bowling clubs, as Ahmed puts it Muslim kindergarten and schools are not financially supported by the German state. Similar Christian or Jewish institutions are. And its the same with hospitals or elderly homes. In some places it is complicated to even get a Muslim funeral.
The acceptance of the Muslim community as a corporations with public rights - comparable to the Christian and Jewish communities -  would surely help to solve many problems of Muslims in German society. But the German state is far from granting Muslims such a status. It would have to accept officially, that Islam is no longer temporary in Germany, but there to stay. And what politician would want to tell his voters, that they have to get used to headscarves and mosques in their neighborhood?
Mosques are a complex subject for themselves. Every Friday the neighbors of our mosque call the police around noon time, as there are so many foreigners around. Of course those come to the Friday prayers, what the police already knows. Only the neighbors don't seem to have realized that yet. And once, when we picked up our car, that had been removed from before another mosque, we were told by the pick-up service: "Don't leave your car in front of the mosque again. Police always controls there in Ramadan."
Mosques are hardly existing but in back yards. You rarely get a construction permit. In Aachen when an Islamic center was planned, a "Citizens movement against Islamic Violence and Terror" spread flyers: "Important information for all Aachen citizens! Stop the beginnings!"
In Soest the "Christian Center" (a small political party) did do a poll on the same subject: "An Islamic Center in Soest? The Islamization is marching ahead!"

Single cases? Unfortunately not. The research committee "Racism and hostility towards foreigners" of the European Parliament 1991 published an interesting report. It describes an "Islamophobie" in Belgium, "broad opposition against the construction of mosques in France" and "rejection, yes hostility" towards Islam in the United Kingdom. The mayor of Ishoj in Denmark 1987 wanted to stop any farther immigration of foreigners to Ishoj, under the assertion, the Turkish people were trying to "Khomeinisize" Ishoj.

"DIE WELT" (a famous German newspaper) published on March 19th, 1994 a preview of a new book on Islam. The author discusses Islamic fundamentalism in Europe. He talks about the "darkness of fanatic shady characters, the night of prohibitions to think and compulsion in belief, the hostility towards life and the denial of the world by black disguised women." He mentions the "right of home" of the "inborn population majority", who necessarily has to "defend" its rights against an "uncontrolled mass immigration" that is "anyhow only peaceful in the beginning". Quote: "Who would think, that a religion insisting from the very beginning on reigning and not on being reigned, on the long run will be satisfied with being the eternal number two?"
The prosecutors office comments this on May 17th: "The text discusses  in a critical way the fundamentalist wing of Islam, which is neither part of the population as defined in paragraph 130 of the criminal law, neither a racial entity as defined in paragraph 131 of the criminal law. It is not calling to violent actions ...
The criminal law can't take the danger of misinterpretation as the measure to define the borderline between right and wrong."
Only one week later, on May 24th, the Protestant Academy in Iserlohn made the following announcement to the press: "Today we have to announce, that the Protestant Academy Iserlohn sees itself forced to call off the Chritian-Islamic Forum on the subjects 'State Theory - Human Rights - Economic Order', intended to take place from June 3rd-5th 1994, because of security problems. For about two weeks we have been receiving daily threats from different origin and quality - beginning with demonstration announcements and ending with references to violent actions. Some of them could be verified as serious, while with others there still remains a factor of uncertainty in regard to their seriousness."

The Germans don't like to be provoked. And isn't it provocation, when we Germans out of pure love for our fellow people allow those Muslims, to live in our country, and then those narrow-minded stubborn Muslims, instead of gratefully accepting our modern way of life, insist on their backwardness? One of my professors at university said to me: "If a woman wears a headscarf, she wants to set a signal, that she is better than me."
And how can that be? Isn't Europe undoubtedly the queen of civilizations?

Now you are probably saying, what I have heard many times: "The Muslims are to blame themselves. After all they could adjust."
I ask you, what kind of logic is this supposed to be? To blame is not society, which excludes the stranger? To blame is the stranger himself, as he has the impudence to exist here? What do you tell the other minorities? The Jews? The coloreds? The handicapped?

What do you tell my children? Germany offers them the freedom to be as the others? How could they - with an Egyptian father? With an Arabic name? Even if they - as my family still hopes - should one day decide against being Muslim - may God prevent this from happening - still they won't ever be the same as the others.  But here I am to blame as well. Why did I marry a foreigner in the first place? Why did I get children with him? And then even chose an exotic name? Wasn't I already warned at the municipal office when naming the children?
Germany is a democratic country. The people determinate, who has a place here and who hasn't. Right now "foreigners" are not all too popular - as in the rest of Europe. Over and over they become victims of racist violence. "People coming from Third World countries are more likely to become victims, as they are the most easy identified."
The report of the research committee "Racism and hostility towards foreigners" of the European Parliament has some interesting data. In the years 1987-1990 in France 19 North Africans and one Romanian were murdered. "For at least half of the murders there is no other reason but the desire to kill foreigners. In one case, where six teenagers kicked a Tunisian father of six to death, one of the arresting officers said: 'It shocked me the most, that they completely lack the understanding of having done wrong.' ... In another incident, where a Moroccan teenager just happened to be at the wrong place in the wrong time, the murderer admitted a 'mistake'. He had believed to shoot a Chinese."
1996 German detectives find the same lack of understanding with the mostly teenage racist violent criminals: "They just have fun, beating people up."
Also the politicians lack understanding. After all, in Germany the right of "Equality before the Law" is valid for foreigners as well. And "should any person's right be violated by public authority, recourse to the court shall be open to him". (Basic Law, Article 19, Paragraph 4) Besides that, the police can't be everywhere at the same time.
In France there is at least an anti racism law. But this law is interpreted in court in a restrictive way. "It is supposed to protect "groups" of people against discrimination. The courts reached a definition of "group", that excludes foreigners from being such a group." "Law suits because of racist comments are turned down, as the comments are in the limits of polemic or express a political opinion. It is difficult, if not impossible, to prove a police officer guilty of racist comments. On the other hand foreigners, who dare to insult a police officer by calling him a "racist" or a "sale Francais" (dirty Frenchman) are easily sentenced for racism."
"The difficulties of proof in cases of racism are illustrated by the case of three North Africans, who wanted to show, that two night clubs in Moulkins (Central France) choose their guests according to racist criteria. A helpful journalist entered the clubs wearing blue jeans and tie. The three young Arabs followed him wearing elegant suits and ties, but were rejected. The prosecutor condemned their behavior saying: 'You didn't do a research, but rather tried to provoke. But in France provocateurs are thrown out of court.' "

Foreigners provoke by their bare existence. They provoke, because they are different. A German Skinhead once stated in a TV interview: "They just don't have 'Germanity'. " What that is supposed to be? Who knows? Didn't German culture develop out of diverse influences? Otherwise, wouldn't we still be living in caves, wearing fur and solve disagreements with a bat? Well, at least in respect to the last point the German Skinheads seem to have already returned to their roots...
But seriously, two sociologists, Lutz Hoffmann and Herbert Even, have defined hatred of foreigners as "stubborn insistence on the image of an ethnic and cultural homogeneous society in Germany" and as a "refusal to learn". Cultural change in society, that of cause is also initiated by foreign influences, can't be stopped at some time in history to say: "That's it. That's German culture."

But not only Germany, all Europe starts, to seclude itself. "Foreigners? That isn't discussed in the European Parliament. All are foreigners there anyhow." That's what I was told at the election campaign booth of the Christian Democratic Union party, when I asked for brochures on the foreigner question. Poor Europe. The borders disappear, but beyond Europe the world ends.
I didn't become Muslima, because I don't like the developments in Western society. But the longer I am Muslim, the clearer I see, how different things could be. I always have plead to stay. When we leave, we give the chance away, to obtain a change. And this I don't only regret as Muslima, but even more so as German. After all it is my country shoveling her grave. Standstill is death!
But how do you explain this to a child? How do you explain, why people insult him in the streets? How do you explain, why the other children don't want to play with him? Why he isn't welcome here? Do I have the right, to withhold the future from my children? I have seen the children, who are sent from country to country, from language to language, from school to school. That isn't a solution. Children need a place, where they belong.

So we left, as long as we still had the chance to do so. As long as the children were still young and hadn't started school yet. As long as we can still get used to a new environment. As long as Mohamed hadn't lost his last ties to his home country. Nine years Germany is a long time!
One day we have packed our belongings and moved to Egypt, the land of the pyramids, the land of the deserts and of the dust. Here is where my children belong. My husband is Egyptian. So are my children. As they are defined in Egypt through their father. That they have a slightly lighter taint and hair, than the other children, is considered pretty.
So what about me? Of course I am missing my family, my friends, my language. And I am missing the green Sauerland county, the cold winters and the clean streets. Egypt is Third World. Nobody can deny that. But I think, Germany has already ceased to be my home, when I became Muslima.
When we left Germany, my grandmother said: "Your place is with your husband." She was the only one, considering it natural for me to go. She was right. I belong, where my family belongs. And my family belongs to Egypt. Here I am the mother of Tasnim and Yusra. Many call me "Umm Tasnim" after my eldest child. Nobody cares, where I am from. And as Muslima I am a sister in belief. I do have a place in society. So I did finally turn Egyptian. Or maybe I still didn't...?

I think, it was for me the right decision as well, to leave Germany and move to Egypt. But only God alone knows that for sure.

I take refuge with God from the stoned devil.
In the name of God, most gracious, most merciful.
"By (the Token of) time (through the ages),
verily, man is in loss,
except such as have faith, and do righteous deeds, and (join together) in the mutual teaching of truth, and of patience and constancy." (103)
Saddak Allahu Azeem