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Now for the story of my mother. My mom died August 2, 1991 after a battle with cancer. The night she died, she was "out of it" on morphine and was very childlike. At one point during that evening, she took my hand and my daughter's hand and said there was something I needed to know, and she knew we would understand. The mom and dad of the family from hell that I grew up with were there and told mom that they would make sure I knew what she wanted me to know.
That was a very traumatic night for me...I knew she was dying and I was scared to death to find out what the big secret was!! My biggest fear was that I was going to be told HE was my father!! See, I had never known my father, my mother wouldn't allow it!! This is something she and I never discussed, except once when I was 22. She called in a panic because my dad had called her to see how I was, how I was doing, if he had any grandkids, etc. She told him to leave me alone, which I told her should have been my choice. We never discussed it again after that.
I left the hospital to take my daughter home, and along the way, stopped to call my aunt. I asked her if I could come stay with her that night and told her what had happened at the hospital. After that I called my husband to meet me halfway to take our daughter home and I went to my aunt's. The big secret...I had an older sister!! *whew* talk about relief!!
The next morning, I got a call from the hospital at 6 am, telling me that I should come in...that Mom had lapsed into a coma. The staff at the hospital were great...I had told them that I was an only child (I thought I was at that point anyway) and that I didn't want Mom dieing alone. That was August 1st...at just past midnight...Mom died...August 2, 1991. The regret that I had and still have is that I was never able to talk to her about my sister. I was never able to say Mom, I love you no matter what. Besides, we didn't have that kind of relationship...she was not touchy feely.
After Mom died, I thought my father and my sister would get in touch with me, because they could now. I was very wrong! After a year went by, I contacted my father (I knew his name and where he lived). I was scared to death!! The response that I got was that he thought we should just leave well enough alone...leave things as they are. I was devastated!! Part of my hopes, my dreams were squashed with those few words! I decided I would not contact the sister who had not called either. I was not into hurting myself that much!! Three months later, with my husband's prodding, I made contact with my sister. She was receptive and just this past November, we met and spent two weeks together...getting to know each other and our family...it was a wonderful experience :))
March 8, 1997, two days before my 40th birthday, I got a call from my aunt. She had some news for me that she was afraid to tell me. I told her it was ok, I would be fine, but to please tell me what she needed to tell me. She said I've got a four page letter here from a lady looking for her birth mother...MY mother!! I sat down for this conversation. My aunt read the letter to me, gave me her name and address (she lives 20 minutes from me) and after I couldn't get her phone number, my husband and I drove out to her house and I knocked on her door. She was stunned to say the least!
I see this sister from time to time, and we talk on the phone at least twice a week...it seems to be going well :)
Part of my thinking since this time is...I have to wonder if there is anyone else out there that belongs to me!! Do I have any more sisters...maybe a brother?? There are a lot of unanswered questions for me, and unfortunately the only one who can answer them is dead. I regret that my mom didn't trust me enough to give me this important information...stuff that impacts on my life! It's left me with so many questions, and some unexpected doubts about myself and how I turned out... can I be the person I think I am yet not have my own mother's trust??
Anyway, I did say that it may not make sense in all areas.
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