October 22, 1997
Dreams:
All I can remember of the first one is that I was writing html, and trying to get a light-colored image to look good on a dark background. Too much HomeSite and Paint Shop Pro these days! ;)
The second dream involved finding out that I have cancer (of the kidney, I suppose). I remember being at Dad's house, and grocery shopping with him (no new wife/stepmother). I came home (my bedroom in the apartment before the last one we lived in in California, I think) and tried to call Will (I guess) on the phone, which I dialed by speaking the number into the receiver. When I tried to call them, the call got routed through Edenia's (she's his ex-wife) because they were supposedly gone, but I think I got through to their place too but it was busy (or they weren't answering).
6:41 am
I was wound up and upset when I went to bed last night, about what's going on medically... I kept playing over and over in my mind what I would say to the doctor next time I saw her, that she didn't know what was going on, they weren't doing any more tests on me because I was tired of being poked and prodded, and there was no way I was going to let them try to go back up and pull out the stone because it left me bleeding for three days afterward and feeling like I'd been raped. It took me a while to settle down long enough so that I could get to sleep.
I laid in bed and prayed to get myself to calm down,.. praying that the problems would somehow clear up, and for some sort of sign that everything was going to be okay... praying for more time to spend with Jevim, to help him get through the frustration he's going through, and show him how much I love him. By the time I was done, I was crying just a bit, but I was much calmer and able to get to sleep.
Ah, Jevim just hopped online (6:49 my time). I figured he'd be late, since we wound up talking til about midnight his time. He's still getting ready and getting breakfast though, so I can keep typing.
I had the first dream, where I was doing some HTML and trying to get a light-colored graphic to look good on a dark background, but that's all I remember of it, as I woke up around 4 am and had to go to the bathroom. I heard Munchkin (my cat) hop off the bed in Mom's room, and waited for her to come running around from the kitchen (the hall door between my room and mom's is closed at night) to come in the bathroom with me. She hopped up on my lap and was being extremely affectionate, and then when I went back to bed, she hopped up and laid down on my stomach for a little while for more petting. She didn't stay more than a few minutes, but it was nice while it lasted.
I fell asleep again fairly quickly, then had the second dream (yes, I always seem to have several dreams a night if I wake up) and woke up to the alarm. I turned it off and came over to the computer and hopped online to wait for Jevim, and thought my chair felt a bit warm, and wasn't there a lump over on the one side? I stood up to feel what was almost under me, and Munchkin jumped down. Ooops! Hard to see a black cat on a navy blue chair in the dark!
I didn't really sit on her, I sort of slid off her fur to one side. She was probably a little miffed... not a nice way to wake up, being sat on! But she stayed long enough for me to scratch her head and say I'm sorry.
Jevim's done getting ready and back for a bit before he has to go, and I'm going to go back to bed once he's gone (I was up past midnight getting journals and other web stuff done) so I'll wrap this up for now...
Noonish
I did get back to sleep, and I dreamed, something about having a female friend / sister / companion, maybe a twin, I'm not sure, and being at some sort of tropical resort or apartment in Hawaii. We were both young (maybe 12 or 14) and I remember being told we had to stay in after dark. There was also a part about being in a doctor's office, which was similar to the office here in town that I go to, and some littler girls, and this part reminds me of another dream I've had recently, but can't remember much of. It's too fuzzy to put into words, but maybe more of it will come back to me later.
The phone -- my phone, which is mainly a computer line -- woke me up this morning, with someone calling trying to sell me new windows for a house that isn't even mine. I told him it's my mom who is buying the house, and he asked if she was around, but I told him I'd just woken up (hoping he'd get the drift that HE was responsible for that) and I didn't know where she was.
I sat on the cat again when I sat down to answer the phone... that's twice! She forgave me though and rubbed against my legs and let me pick her up so she could lay on my lap. Fortunately, I don't seem to have hurt her either time, which is lucky, considering the way I flop down in my chair. She likes sleeping in it for some reason...
Took a bath, and have been surfing, reading messages in classrooms, and downloading a Microsoft program trial (26 MB, thank goodness that the files resume when you're trying to run them from the location, 'cause I've had a couple die on me already) and trying to do some more work in my C++ book... but I just had lunch and I'm feeling sleepy again. It's soooo tempting to just go lay down and go back to sleep for a while.
Oh, I had a message from Jevim this morning. I dropped him a line at work after he left so abruptly (after I finished up my entry for earlier he suddenly closed the DCC. I started a new one and he said he had to go, that they were paving the parking lot this morning, and rushed off). He said that they hadn't told anyone that the lot was being paved this morning, and someone was running around ringing everyone's doorbells saying that the tow trucks were there to tow away any cars still in the lot. He was NOT happy, and I really don't blame him.
If they hadn't told anyone, I'll be there were a LOT of unhappy people there this morning, and that management will no doubt hear about it soon. I'm wondering where they expect people to park for now... that's normally a full parking lot in the evenings, and no way everyone can park on the little bit of street near it!
Well, I just started downloading the third (of six) file, and it's gonna take a bit, so I think I *will* go lay down. I'll write more later...
1pm
Well, I didn't lay down for long... I got my birthday package from my friend Delina up in Minnesota yesterday, and there was a letter in that which I hadn't read yet, so I read it and decided to come back to the computer (the last file finished downloading) and get this page online while I'm waiting for the next file to download (75% through file #4 at this point).
I forgot to mention, last night while we were on the phone, Jevim said that he really thought I could do something with my HTML skills, and if the right people were to see my pages (these, for example), they might be interested in me designing their sites. I like the idea, but I can be such a procrastinator at times, and I don't want to procrastinate myself out of a job. :
Today is another of those so-so days. I'm not feeling as 'blah' as I was yesterday, but I still really don't feel like doing much. Mom is working out in the yard, and she said she was finishing up and could use a hand, but I pointed out that my hair was still wet, and it's chilly out there. Sure, I could dry my hair, but I don't feel like it, and I'm really not in the mood to be mom's "little helper" today.
I think I ought to go through and make sure there's some MIDI on each page so the ones without don't seem so bare. I'll probably start repeating, but what the heck... it will save download time for people who already have the ones I've chosen. I just want my site to feel balanced and not have those spots devoid of sound that I hit when I'm going through and checking everything out.
At this point, I think I'm so far behind in C++ that I'm going to have to take it again, and I just might drop back to audit status for now. Getting a late start didn't help, and I haven't really made any progress for at least a week. *sigh* Once Jevim heads back to school though, I'm definitely going to be throwing myself into my classes. (Or so she says... we'll see...).
Enough rambling for now, I'm going to go find more MIDIs ;) Type to you later...
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