Wednesday, December 2, 1998
1:23 PM
For some reason, I've been feeling really drained and run down the past few days... low on energy, both physical and emotional. I've been to the point where it's all I can do to get up and out of bed and go and do the little things in life that need to be done. For example, today Mom drove me to the library to return some books, and as usual, while I went in to look around, she went to the thrift store across the street.
After I'd picked out my book and hobbled down the stairs (my knees seemed to be as out of whack as my energy level), I went out and stood by the car, which was parked right out front. The street the library is on is narrow... barely room for two cars to pass, when there are vehicles parked along both sides, but standing there, leaning against our car, I didn't even feel like walking across the street and into the store to tell Mom I was ready. I did manage, though I'm not quite sure how, and we headed over to the other stop I needed to make.
That's how I've been feeling since yesterday morning, and it's probably just because of the time of month, but even so, it's not fun. I know it bothers Jev that I sound so tired and run down, and he's been supportive as he can be, 900 miles away, but all I really wanted was to curl up beside him and sleep, until my energy reserves came back, and we have a couple more weeks yet before we can do that.
Anyway, I know I've mentioned Something More by Sarah Ban Breathnach, that I've been reading lately... it was due today, and I was only a bit more than halfway through it, but instead of getting it renewed, I decided to hunt for the book that came before it, Simple Abundance. It was on the shelf, as if it had been waiting for me, and I checked it out.
It turns out it's a sort of daily devotional, but not really a devotional in a religious sense... more a thought or idea a day to reflect upon, rather than a book to read through in a few sittings.
We came home, and at first I hopped online hoping to find Jev, but I'd missed him when he got back from class, and missed him when he got back from lunch, so he's offline, working on homework, and that was sort of a damper; I'd hoped to at least talk to him for a bit, in hopes that he'd be able to cheer me up and raise my energy level.
So I did a couple little paperwork type things that needed to be attended to online, then hopped off and sat down on the floor to finish that darned cross stitch for my friend's birthday (which was last week, of course). I got a few stitches done, but I really didn't have the energy to keep at it, so I called a break, took my library book, and went out to curl up in the recliner in the sun on the porch and read.
I read the intro, and a few days' worth of devotions, and just let my mind wander over the question that one of them asked: Where do I want to be a year from now?
A year from now, I want to be settled in an apartment somewhere with Jev, and our two cats. It doesn't have to be a big place, we don't have to have fancy furniture, or new computers, just what we have now is fine... though I think we probably will make at least one furniture purchase right off: a nice big bed.
Anyway, I imagine myself waking up in the morning when Jev's alarm goes off to get him up for work, and just spending a few minutes snuggled together before he has to get up and get moving. If I haven't stayed up too late the night before, I'll get up when he does, and go make some coffee, and a cup of tea for myself, while he has breakfast (I don't usually eat breakfast), and catches up on e-mail and the likes.
Once he's off to work, I'll do my own e-mail thing, and then maybe throw a load of laundry in the wash (it will be so nice if we can get a washer and dryer in the apartment), and work on my writing a little, and spend some time playing with the cats.
I hope we have an apartment that lets lots of light in; Jev's last apartment had only a sliding glass door to let light into the living room, dining area, and kitchen, and I felt really boxed in. I'm the type of person that needs light; I love to find a nice sunny spot to curl up in, rather like my cats.
After lunch, and maybe a nap, I'd fold the laundry, or put away the dishes, and maybe do a little pre-dinner preparation, if we'll be eating in, and then maybe take a bath (ha, if I do that, I should take the nap afterward... they always make me relaxed and sleepy), and then curl up in a sunny spot and work on a cross stitch or needlepoint project, and throw a movie into the VCR.
Once Jev's home, we'd make dinner and eat, and maybe spend a little time just relaxing and talking, and playing with the brats (cats!), and then maybe go out for a drive and get something for dessert, or go someplace we could do a little walking, or go window-shopping. Or maybe just stay home and do something together, or just something near each other... like me reading or stitching, while Jev plays on the computer, or playing head-to-head computer games, or board games, or the likes. Mainly, just enjoying the fact that we can do things together, in person, instead of having to be so far apart.
Just sitting out there in the sun, daydreaming, was relaxing and restoring. Knowing what I have to look forward to is enough to give me back the energy I need to keep me going. I came back in to stitch a bit, but couldn't resist the urge to sit and write something -- namely this entry. The energy high I had at first has worn off, but instead of feeling tired and run over, I'm just relaxed and refreshed, and ready to go stitch (after my tummy's been fed, it says!). Type to you later....
