Tuesday, December 15, 1998
8:07 AM
I woke up a little before my 7:30 alarm this morning... I was having a nice dream of being curled up in bed with Jev. So nice to know that in a week I will be waking up and find myself curled up with him. *smile*
Jev was up and online, though not dressed to head off yet (he's doing that now), but his roomie was off already (must have had an early final), so we were able to chat on netmeeting this morning instead of just text-chat. I like when we're able to do this, since it means I get to hear his voice when I start off my day.
My mom headed off early to take her lady friend to the beauty shop, and I thought that she'd probably be gone for a couple hours, running her around and all, which would have given me time to talk to Jev till he heads off, and take a bath and be ready to go to wallyworld when she got back. Well, it didn't happen quite that way. Her friend's getting a perm, so Mom came back right after dropping her off, and wanted me to be ready to go in a few minutes. I said no, I couldn't be ready that soon, and if she wanted to go without me, that was fine. I thought she was going to, but here it's about 15 minutes later and she's still here. I wonder if she's waiting for me? I'll go see once Jev is off, but even if she's waiting for me, I don't want to go this early. I need new contacts for my trip, and I don't think the vision center opens until ten, so it would defeat the purpose of going.
I just asked Jev, and he doesn't sound like he's going to do a morning entry again today. Ah, well, this time I'll do it instead. Oops, he's just heading off to work, so I guess that's my cue to wrap this up and post. Type to you later...
10:27 PM
I didn't exactly get any packing done today... I did get some stitching done on a gift for an e-mail friend, and I got out to wally world to make an appointment for an eye checkup tomorrow afternoon. Other than that, I wrote a lot of e-mail, spent a little time curled up in the sun on the porch, reading, and played a five-point backgammon match with Jev and spent the evening chatting with him.
As for the e-mail, I just found out a few days ago that my one e-mail friend is in her early fifties (I'd suspected she was in her forties), and we've done a lot of talking about things... she's been rather helpful in listening and making suggestions, trying to figure out this talk Jev and I need to have, and giving her viewpoints on a few things.
It's nice to have input from someone with more life experience, who isn't trying to tell me what I should do with my life, but just giving me hints on what might be going on, that I'm not seeing from my own perspective. She's very supportive and understanding, and she expressed her concerns about all the misunderstandings Jev and I have had recently (which also concern me).
We had a long e-mail chat today, and now she understands all (well, a number of) the things running through my mind. Hopefully, being able to sort out my thoughts and feelings so I could explain them to her will help me when it's time to share those same things with Jev. I find it hard to believe she's close to twice my age, and it makes me wonder a little, what kind of relationship Mom and I could have had, if I trusted her more and was able to be more open with her.
Jev, I know you're reading this, and I hope you can understand that I just want to find a way to put these things into words, and maybe get a fresh perspective on things, before you and I talk it all out. My friend (the one who's working on getting a new computer) has sort of opened my eyes about a few things and made me see that I've been trying to make decisions that aren't all mine to make. Once we're together again and don't have to worry about networks or phone bills, I promise to tell you all the things that have been on my mind, and I hope we can figure out answers for some of the things that have been bothering us both.
For now, just concentrate on your finals, and before too much longer, we'll be waking up to one another again. I love you, babe....
