I went to the bank today and wrote out a withdrawal slip, and I don't know where my mind was. Instead of 1999 or even '98, I wrote 1989. I told Jev later that I was glad it wasn't '89, because I would still be a senior in high school. But now, looking back on it, in a way I wish that it was. Or at least that way back then, I'd had this sort of an idea of what to do with myself.
Of course, way back in 1989, the World Wide Web didn't even exist in its present form. And so technically, it wouldn't even be possible. But to have had a vision, or even an inkling of an idea, it might have made my life very, very different.
Last night after Jev had gone to sleep, I went and took a nice, relaxing candlelight bath, and just sat and soaked and let my mind wander.
I had spent the evening looking at potential classes I'd want to take, either at Virginia Tech, or the women's college I'd discovered a day or two earlier (the thousand dollar a class school). As it turns out, it's possible that the private, women's college would cost less in the long run. I think that it would be much easier on me physically, in that I assume (I could be wrong) that the campus is nowhere as big as VT, and maybe even just a handful of buildings, close together. This would be a good thing, especially since the weather is bound to be cold for part of the year, which makes being outside a little rough on me.
Anyway, over the course of the evening, I compiled three listings of classes that I'd like to take, one from Tech and two from the women's college. The first two (one from each) were similar, with a mix of English, Business and Communications classes that I think would be helpful in what I'd like to do -- namely, running some sort of web design business. The third list was more my "Dream Schedule," of the classes I would need for an English Major with a concentration in Creative Writing. That would be helpful in becoming a writer, which I think is still my ultimate goal and my dream.
So while I soaked in the tub, I turned things over in my mind, and came to a conclusion, of sorts: Granted, the web is a pretty big place, and there are probably already tons of literary magazine type sites out there, but why can't I build one more? I've been tossing the idea around for a while now... since before Break at the very least, and longer than that if I consider all the times when I've said 'what if?'
I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the world's greatest writer. I can write well enough to get by in this day and age, but I'm no mistress of the pen. I like to write, though, and enjoy reading other peoples' writing. So why not build a place where up and coming writers -- with more potential than I feel that I have -- can share some of their writing, and maybe get noticed by the people who can take them places. Sort of a showcase.
Dreaming with my head in the clouds? Probably... but don't worry, I'll still keep one foot on the ground. Web designing is something that I'm fairly confident I can do, especially if I give it the time and effort to learn the craft properly, and do a right good job of it.
Can I make a living at it? Maybe not enough to support myself financially, but possibly enough to support my computer habit... and my stitching habit, if I'm lucky. *wink* Jev has said things to the effect that he doesn't mind if I don't go out and get a full time job, or even a part time one, so long as I find and do something that makes me happy. He knows how many plans and schemes and ideas run through my mind, and he knows that I wouldn't be happy if I continued to spend my days in hibernation and only really live my life when he's around to live it with.
Things are starting to come into focus, and while the idea of going back to school -- even to a small, women's college -- are scary, I still want to give it a try! I may fall on my face; I may find that my body just can't handle that sort of daily stress anymore; but I'll find it out firsthand, and not waste my life wondering.
If I can't physically handle it, I'll find someplace online that offers courses I'm interested in. I know I can handle the mental part of it, and I'm sure we can find the finances somehow. I just can't bear the thought of stagnating any longer. Sometimes it seems like the world has been rushing by for the past five years, like a carousel going a million miles an hour; now is my opportunity to make a jump for it and hop on, and hope to find out that I'm not so far behind as I feel.
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