To me, being disabled, DOES NOT MEAN DEAD! ! !
All too often, when someone finds out you are disabled, they automatically pull away from you. They worry they will catch whatever it is you have, or that they will feel uncomfortable around a disabled person. This, is a big reason why disabled people aren't always readily accepted as viable, intelligent human beings.
When I first became disabled, I found that 90% of those I had believed to be my friends, weren't true friends. All of the sudden, the phone stopped ringing, invitations to parties stopped coming and those "friends" waved hello from a distance instead of coming up to me to carry on a conversation. I was dealing with the difficulties of being disabled, the adjustment to using a wheelchair and the change in my life style. It was a time, when more than ever before, I needed friends to help me, but they all pulled away instead.
A physically disabled person has a physical disability. For the most part, we are not impared mentally, we are not contagious, and we are not all of the sudden invisible. We are just like any other person, except we may use cruches, canes or wheelchairs. We love, we care, we think!
I would like to open your eyes a bit, and allow you to see things from a disabled persons point of view, my point of view. When I became disabled, it was a gradual thing. My body slowly started to turn on me and after a few months, I found that I could no longer function as I used to. Things I had taken for granted, were now difficult to accomplish. I had to quit working a job I loved! I stopped driving for fear of causing an accident. Even little things like grocery shopping became increasingly difficult. My energy level went from full speed ahead to dead stop. Thank God for my husband and children, if it wasn't for them, I truely think I wouldn't have gotten through it all.
It took me months to deal with what was happening to me. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I needed support from friends and family, but only got support from my husband and children. Even my parents and siblings were reluctant to lend a hand or offer emotional support. At a time when I needed these friends the most, they withdrew from me, leaving me to deal with my situation on my own.
For a very long time, I was bitter about all that had happened to me. I went through the spectrim of emotions; fear, anger, emotionally hurt and physically drained. I've come a very long way since the onset of my FMS, but unfortunately, I can't say the same about the rest of the world.
My attitude now, is if you can't deal with me as I am, then I don't need you in my life!!!! I know this sounds kind of harsh, but I have to have this attitude! I have been so hurt by so many people, that it's a defense mechanism.
I have met several people on line, and started what seemed to be a great relationship. As soon as they have found out I am disabled, they all the sudden quit contacting me. It's just like when I became disabled, all over again. Now, I am ALWAYS upfront, telling people immediately that I am disabled. I don't do this to gain pity, pity is something I want no part of!!! I do this, to weed out those people who can't or won't deal with me as I am. A good majority of the time, it works negatively. I say I'm disabled, they say so long. It hurts, but it hurts less then if I would have become attached.
The positive side of this new attitude, is that the friends I do have now, are good friends!!! I know that they accept me! I know that they are there for me, and allow me to be there for them.
I'd like to talk a few minutes about accessibility. If you have never been disabled yourself, or helped a disabled person, then you might not think about the everyday problems of accessibility. Ask your self these questions:
I really didn't mean to sound bitter throughout this page. I have worked long and hard to accept my disability and to live with it. My main point to this page, is that I want people to accept me and all the other disabled people in the world as you would accept a non-disabled person. Look at us the same way you want people to look at you. Accept us for who we are, not for what we aren't. Be our friend, and we will be yours.
I also am hopeful that from now on, you will be a bit more aware of accessibility issues. Don't block ramps, don't use the handicapped stall unless you truely need it (I personally feel that mothers with small children, DO Qualify to use the handicapped stall). I just hope that from here on out, you will be more accepting and accomidating to people with disabilities.
Thank you for hearing me out. I appreciate your making it this far and reading everything I had to say on being disabled. I hope that I have opened your eyes to some things you may not have thought about before. I hope that you will email me and tell me how you feel about everything I have said. Your imput is very important to me.
Wouldn't it be wonderful,
If there was no hatred,
By any one,
For any reason.
Wouldn't it be beautiful,
If you could accept me,
For who I am,
Not who you want me to be.
Wouldn't it be the right thing to do?
