1.We recognize that adoption is an ongoing life circumstance, not a one time event in our past.

2. We learn the three C’s: we didn’t Cause it, we can’t Control it, and we can’t Cure it.

3. We learn to put the focus on ourselves, to be good to ourselves, and to love who we truly are.

4. By learning to love ourselves in healthy ways, we learn to love others in healthy ways, also. We learn to detach with love and to give ourselves and others “tough love”.

5. We use “bumper sticker philosophy” because slogans contain deep truths in simple language: “Let go and let God”, “Live and let live”, “Easy does it”, and “Keep it simple”.

6. We learn to feel our feelings, accept them as our own, and express them appropriately.

7. Through working the steps, we learn to accept adoption, realize that our lives had become unmanagable, and that we are powerless to control the past. As we become willing to own our pain and defects of character caused by it, we are able to change our attitudes and turn our reactions into actions. By constantly working the 12 Steps, we come to believe eventually in the spirituality of the program. By admitting our powerlessness within ourselves, we begin to find healing outside ourselves, in the group, a higher power, God as we understand Him. By sharing our experiences, relating to others, welcoming newcomers, and serving our group, we build self-esteem.

8. We have “telephone/internet therapy” with people we relate to --very helpful at all times, not just when problems arise. (NOTE: As with all relationships, beware that care must be taken in what is shared and with whom.)

9. By applying the Serenity Prayer to our lives daily, we begin to change the unhealthy attitudes we acquired in our adoptive experience.

These Problems are from the Adoption Separation Aftermath 12 Step Program for adoptees and are used with permission. For more information on running a 12 Step Program for adoptees, visit their site. TOP

HOME

JOIN BRICKWALL SURVIVORS AT YAHOOGROUPS