4/11/98 well, happy easter! the only thing i'll like about this entire day is my dress. it's blue with green flowers...hard to describe. i'm in a state of confusion about the soph social. i want to go, but i don't. and now that i have the slightest inkling of ambition, i don't have a ride. i don't even know how i'll get there! oh well. jules can't take me...her car's full. i could possibly get a ride with lola...or just ask my aunt to drop everything. i hate doing that. it makes me feel totally guilty. hmm...only 20 more hours and this insane day will be over...yes you guessed it...it's 4am! alright ajay! way to go! anyways, bryan....i have no idea about what my 'feelings' for him mean. i don't know if i like him, or i despise him. i don't get it. why does stuff like this have to be so damned complicated. i hate love, and relationships, and guys. grr. anyways, i'm cutting this one short. i don't feel like pouring feelings with a touch of cursing to my entry tonight/this morning. see ya
