4/12/98 hmm...would finding out that your friends would think it'd be weird if you came to a certain school even sorta...decrease the excitement in you going at all? jules thinks that if i come to the social, that it'd be weird. she still thinks i like bryan. i don't know if i do. and i have no idea if my friends are telling me this for my good or theirs. it's all too confusing...but i know one thing...one stupid dance should not be this much trouble and cause this much emotion out of one single person. it did really hurt when they said that my presence would cause something weird...and i don't know if i misinterpreted...but...it just hurt. it made me flash back to middle school when everyone called me 'stay puffed'. ya know? that marshmallow guy? yeah, him. well...after 3 years of being called names and made fun of just for the purpose to make the people who teased me feel good about themselves...it just made me flash back to when i was 11. i mean, i was no different from other people in my class. i dressed funny...but so did everyone else, besides...my mom was going through some job problems...and i was lucky if i got a used guess shirt as a hand-me-down from my brother. it was my best shirt...and they still made fun of it. they made fun of my earrings! i don't get some people...i wore my birthstone earrings...and i had to because i had just gotten my ears pierced in sixth grade...and they still had to make fun. making fun of people just gives a false sense of superiority..and leaves the other person with low self-esteem and a bad outlook on life. i hated middle school...it scarred me for life. anyways, this whole thing made me flash back to that time...and i've just decided the screw the dance...i didn't have a ride anyways. i'll just stay home and catch up on some sleep or read a good book or something. that's all
