5/5/98 well, compared to yesterday, today had to be MUCH better. i'm content listening to sarah mclachlan's 'angel'. this song makes me feel calm for some reason...i want to dance to it in my solo next year...either this or 'full of grace'.
"I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you feel
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here"
just thought you'd enjoy that..heh. anyways, bryan's a dork. i know it, he knows it...everyone knows it...it's a known fact. haha...zoe made a list of over 333 reasons why blake's going to hell...they're all very true..haha...one of them was that he fell off the ledge of a park in NY. hahaha that was so funny. i guess you had to be there.
anyways, things about bryan bother me. he doesn't wear cologne. i dunno...i just like it when a guy smells like something other than his deoderant...ugh. and also at the movies...he was acting like a little boy. ya know...poking me...and just being annoying...which is usually how i act around him...but i don't do it when i'm out..i try to act semi-normal and only crack a few perverted jokes. on saturday night he was bothering me for my necklace...it's these two small silver balls..and when they cling together they make little bell noises...he always wants to play with it and make as much noise as possible...grrr.
today i fell asleep in study hall...haha it was funny cause when i woke up, i bumped into a big stack of books and knocked 'em over...i'm such a dumbass sometimes. i want to go to six flag's so much...barb said something about saturday...i'd kill to go. haha and my brother called last night. he wanted my mom, but he and i chewed the fat for a little..he wants me to come up to his dorm room and "party" (ie. drink beer). i dunno, i just don't want to. i'm sorta proud of my being pure..(ie. no alcohol, drugs, smoking) chris said that his friend mark wanted to meet me...who the hell is mark? i don't know this person..and i'm not sure if i do want to know him. some of chris' other friends were cool...i've already covered the whole great adventure day tho..i think i did, at least.
anyways, my amount of visitors is decreasing...hmm..i must be doing something wrong...COME BACK!!!!!
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it's 11pm do you know where you're psychopathic, dyslexic, cow-loving, ooooming children are?
anyways, i got inspired...actually i was awakened. i'm such a dumbass..not that i didn't know that. i'm such a bitch. i've been neglecting everyone..well almost everyone..whether it be my family, or my friends. i've been pretty much getting more and more involved with my own affairs than caring for my friends...and my mom. i feel so bad. she got pissy at me tonight...and at this moment, while i'm typing on my happy machine, she's downstairs washing my leotard and tights for ballet tomorrow. i'm such a bitch. i am such a horrible person lately. i've noticed that i have changed in the past few months...i don't know what has caused this...but it's going downhill. and i am just so sorry...i just want to say that to my friends...i'm sorry if i've done anything to hurt any one of you. i don't think many of my friends actually read this, but whoever does, you know who you are. and i'm sincere about this..it's just not some lame bunch of words that i'm throwing out. i'm sorry.
