10/31/97 Ah, Halloween. A time of little kids running around in the streets in search for candy and other treats. A time when you can dress up as whatever you please and not get any rude comments. When little children get home, they gobble up their candy, not thinking of the horrible dentist office visits to come.
Oh well. I am so aggravated with this page! I had it all typed out, and then I went to look for some kinda Halloween link to put on my index page and it froze! Grrrr. I guess it's just my browser. Thanks a lot AOL!
Hmm...Jules told me that she saw Ben today. He gave her a smile and she scowled back at him! hahaha! I hate him so much now! Whenever I pass him in the halls, he always flaunts Jessica around like she's some kinda trophy! She has puffy hair and bright pink lipstick! She looks like a whore! Oh well. I guess I don't mean that. And why the hell am I babbling about Ben as if he were my enitre life!?! Ack! STOP AJAY! NOW!
haha!! Study hall was so funny! The whole class had nothing to do and since I brought starbursts and there weren't many people there, I gave a few to everyone. We just made fun of some cheerleader chick, Jessica. She was talking about her boyfriend, Jim, and we didn't really care too much. We were telling her that he was saying that he broke up with her. She was like "you should but out of MY relationship!". Personally Jessica, I don't think there IS a relationship. Jim is only with her because every time he says he wants to break up, she starts crying. Jules is friends with Jim I think. Hmm. He gave her all these pointers of when you know a guy likes you. They were very enlightening.
I couldn't believe it when I heard that Nick told Cole that Jules liked him! That was just soooo....rude! Personally, I think Nick is trying to ruin Jules' chances of going out with Cole! But that's just so wrong! I mean...Jules made it perfectly clear that she only wanted Nick as a friend! And now he has to go and tell Cole that she likes him. Jules says it was too early. I dunno. Maybe this could be good?
I'm craving spaghetti! I'm so hungry! I love my mom's sauce. She adds something to it that makes it sooooo yummy! Mmm.. I think I'll boil some water for the pasta now. I have to eat before I go out.
Screw it. Spaghettios are good enough! They're in the microwave now. Mmm.
Hmm..I'll go eat now. Maybe I'll write more later! Byyyyeeee
11/1/97Man I must have post halloween depression or something. Today, Jules, Zoe, and I (and Zoe's family) went to Oxford Mall. It was cool and all. Jules got a shirt at Hot Topic that said "Emily didn't search to belong. She searched to be lost.". I had forgotten what it had originally said so I just asked Jules. I knew it said something cool, but somewhat "deep".
I dunno. Going to the mall and all today was cool, but I wasn't really in the mood to shop. I even had money! And did ya ever notice that when you hvae a lot of money on you, you don't find anything to buy, but when you are broke, you find a lot of stuff to buy? Man. That sucks.
Remember that lonely feeling I was talking about? I had the same thing today. Maybe it's like a disease. I wonder if it will ever go away. Maybe I'm an outcast on society. I have no other clues.
I just realized that my page really bites. Jules gave me the suggestion that I should go deeper into my thoughts, but I don't really do that quite often. I mean if something bad happens, I usually just cry that day and forget it the next. Well, not forget it. Just ball it up inside me and leave it there to fester and grow till it really disturbs me later on. I think I have found my problem. I don't lack in showing emotions, but I do lack in telling when I am mad or upset. Or is that emotions? If it is, then I guess I lack in showing my emotions. I just confused myself.
I guess I've been sorta down because I don't have someone. Not friends, but a guy, I'm guessing. I know that it's not like I need one, but I'd like to find one that is so nice and so sweet that it'd feel like I was in heaven. Am I just dreaming? Possibly. But dreams aren't so bad sometimes. They can get you outta the worst of situations sometimes. Just think back to that dream you had last night or last class for that matter, and you can be happy again, till you look at the sorry reality of it all and realize that life isn't a bowl of cherries. Life's a bitch sometimes, and I guess you gotta either put up with it, or decide to leave it.
I just guess that this whole Ben thing really did get to me, which I thought it wouldn't. One, Ben is a guy and guys aren't your entire life and Two, he has a girlfriend, what would he want me for? I guess I was just tricking myself into believing that Ben would actually be so mean as to drop Jessica for me, but I wasn't really wanting that to happen. I just wanted to know how he felt about me. But wait a second, Ben was being a jerk! He never even wrote back and now he avoids even talking to me or making eye contact with me. Ya know what? I'm just oblivious to guys in general. I have no idea as to what's going on. There should be some book to how relationships go or something. Or bring back that Sleeping Beauty thing, where she was set to marry the prince at birth, but then you might get matched up with a total jerk. Grrr.
Oh well. More tomorrow or Monday.
11/3/97Yay! We have tomorrow off. Yet another day of boredom. I guess I'll have to check with Jules if she has any plans and tag along. Hmm...shool today was boring, as usual. I'm getting a C in Bio. I need to get lots of A's before the marking period ends this week. Ugh. School can be such a pain in the butt sometimes.
Mmm...doritos. Yummy! I saw Ben today. I was walking with my cheerleader lab partner asking her what she got on her test, and he walked right by me. He had this weird look on his face. It's too weird to describe. I guess it was like a smile. I gave him a scowling look back. I want to be over him so much. I need to find someone new to lust after. New New New!
Now that I think about it, today was really boring. I mean, I'm trying to think of things to put on this. Hmmm...I can't think of anything, cause nothing happened. I went to school, came home, and came on the computer. Probably nothing will happen tomorrow. Hmm I just hope I'm wrong. Oh well. Later.
