(6:00pm EST) 9/13/98
just got home from the community craft/fair type thing. since my mom wants me to be in the key club.. i had to paint faces.. since i was the one that could decently draw.. i ended up drawing dragons and monsters and stuff. it was odd. but we raised over 400 bucks with crayons and poster paint of which we claimed was "face paint". ::laughs::
well.. this week has definitely not been good.. bad week at work.. school started.. bryan crap.. i just want to have a new year to start over. i think i'll post a little bit of the conversation we had....
Him: ok so what's yer reason for being upset or whatever you are? i'm not talking about your day, btw
Me: you said you knew
Him: vaguely
Me: i think you know
Me: since you know.. that's all i can do. .and if you don't want to talk to me.. then I guess forget about it
Him: you don't seem to want to talk about it so
Me: ya know.. it just hurts that after not talking to me for a little.. that you can just move on so quick.. did i really mean nothing?
LONG PAUSE....
Me: i'll take that as a yes
Him: was it really that quick? it's been a month or two no?.....
Him: from what you did it seemed to me you had no interest and wouldn't have any
Me: it was a month.. and you didn't answer the question i asked
Him: no you actually did mean a lot....
Me: and you know.. the whole thing with being confused and not talking to you for that time.. it was all about this.. because we were pretty good friends.. and i had to decide if the friendship was worth screwing up
Him: well see now you tell me this. i knew nothing during that time and it only made me think more and more you didn't have interest anymore
Me: i knew i shouldn't have said anything
Me: i should have let things go
Him: what why? it's not anyone's fault. though it's just like before.... you wouldn't let me know how you felt until something happens
so apparently.. this girl that he is now involved with is just another "thing" that he can toss around and fuck with. hmm.. any comments.. questions..? suggestions? i have no idea what to say or feel anymore..
andra says that he never lets himself feel for anyone.. so maybe i was just another girl in the past to him.
it really did surprise me when he said that i meant something to him. he surely doesn't show it. it really does hurt that he'd get over me so quick.. i mean, i've lost both the relationship and the friendship..
