i'm blending, i'm burring, i'm bleeding into the scenery.
(8:25pm EST) 12/19/98
my garsh.
i haven't written in a while.. i guess. i was reading an old journal entry... same time last year. i was fighting with jules... and talking about scream 2 or something. i think i've changed a lot. and changed for the worse. i used to be different. i don't know what has happened to me. maybe it's just growing up.. maybe not. whatever it is.. i don't know.
feelings for bryan are coming back. he was such a sweet guy to me. i don't know. i just miss what we had. i know i've said that billions of times.. but i just feel weird whenever i see him with her. i just wish it could be me. i loved the closeness that we would have. and sometimes i just imagine us together just doing whatever...and being fine with being bored doing nothing.. but together. boredness was good when i was with him. ::sigh::
sometimes during lunch.. i just stare at him.. while he's wolfing down his sandwich... and i just get nostalgic. and sometimes he catches me staring at him.. and smiles.. or makes funny faces. i dunno anymore.. i think i've never known.. my life is a huge puzzle.. and some of the pieces aren't even in the box..
i wish that everything was fated.. like it was in a storybook.. and we read it to see what would happen. i know everyone would say that if we knew what was gonna happen... it would take the "spice" out of life. but i'd rather have a more "mild" than "spicy" life. i just wish there was simplicity in everything that happened. i wish too much, i guess.
