looks like i'll be spending another new years eve alone. at home... god. nothing like a nice lonely night of crying in the dark with the sheets pulled over my head. it seems that everyone has plans..and i'm mysteriously left out of them. all this time i keep thinking...if i can get a guy to commit to me, then everything will be fine. but that won't solve anything. the problem is me. i can't love anyone truly until i love myself right? well, right now i despise myself. i despise everything about me. i hate how i go about doing everything. i hate it how i smile and laugh. i hate how i cry. i hate it how my eyes squint when i smile. i hate how i think suicide is the answer to all of my problems...when really, suicide is the cowardly way out.
looks like my mother's had a few anti-social babies. i will not amount to anything good and decent in this world. my world. i won't believe in myself until someone does.
i'm no one...and nothing. and everyone seems to agree. i'm the girl that stands behind the counter of a card store. who dreams of being something great for one time in her life. who dreams of having someone who will love her. who dreams of having the perfect life... or something close to the visage.
oh well...maybe the cowards way out is the only way. i'm not worth much to waste the money that it takes to keep me "happy" or "content" for that matter. maybe i'll waste all my money in europe... just stay there.. not come home.
