well...before i had this sorta self pact thing... where i was gonna give bryan a month.. and if he didn't show any feelings whatsoever to me, i'd drop him on my priority scale. but now, i'm so convinced to block my feelings towards him.. which requires me ignoring him for a while... it's the only way i can forget about a guy.. to just ignore him. i'm so great at ignoring people.. but i get myself in trouble for it... i ignored him before... and i had feelings for him, it's just that he demanded so much of my time... and i couldn't take it.. i needed space.. i felt as if he was closing in on me... ugh.
i just really hate having all these feelings... deep feelings, and i have to bottle them up just because some little teeny bopper decides to take my bryan... just because he's like.. 17.. and he drives.. and everything... Grr!! you have to admit, that when you're younger than a guy that you're going out with, you feel good about it.. it makes you feel mature. at least for most superficial people... i admit it, i can be really superficial sometimes.. and yeah, i guess i might be tempted to go after an older guy, but it would have to wear off sometime..
it's been about five months without him. when we were together, it was just good.. i loved cuddling.. i loved everything... and then my family had to fuck it up.. oh god.. now i'm just projecting my anger onto others.. ya know, i really hate how my life is turning out. i hate it way too much... i'm starting to hate myself... just when my self-esteem was getting a little bit higher.. this happens.. what shit!
