wellllll.... i sent bryan a huge gutsy email. haha.. irony there.. gutsy email... i'm too chicken to confront him face to face.
anyways, in the email, i wrote something to the effect of... "how do you feel about me? are we friends? are we friends with a chance of something later? or are we just acquaintences?" and "you've changed drastically ever since you started going out with her... andra thinks this too."
i dunno what to do. i want to go to the junior prom... i'm so tired of being him the night of a dance. i want to show up in a dress... but i also want bryan on my arm. i want him to buy a corsage for me... and slip it onto my wrist. and i want to have someone to dance with... slowly.
am i the only one to have this dream? cause it is one of my most loved dreams... i've never had a date to a dance... bryan was the first guy to freakin' care about me enough to hold my hand. i even got that butterfly-ish fluttery feeling when he did so...
i'll never forget that night... i was wearing my blue shirt with a space baby on it.. khaki corduroys... he was wearing his usual t-shirt and old navy jeans...and he smelled good.. so good. the "i just jumped out of the shower squeaky clean" kinda smell. not the "i forgot to shower and just doused myself with my dad's aftershave" smell. at first, he just grabbed two of my fingers... and it was all just shock to me... the fluttery feeling came... and then i grabbed his whole hand and our fingers laced together perfectly... and we watched the rest of the movie like that... his thumb would rub my hand.. ya know.. i love that. ::sigh:: i love him. i miss him. i'm a lovesick schoolgirl.
