it's almost inevitable that bryan and i will get back together... it's just that time will tell.
today was sorta decent... but first, i've got to write about other things. sunday night, andra came over. we spent the night watching halloween (part one) and hurricane streets. good movie by the way...
the night was going fine as any girlie night would, but then andra started talking to bryan online. and he started talking about taking his girlfriend somewhere to read her poetry. and the envy and the jealousy kicked in. and it consumed my whole body and mind... i was furious. i just wanted to cry.. i wanted to drown my sadness in my tears. i just laid my head on the floor as andra continued to talk to him...::sigh::
she had to go eventually.
it's funny, tho. our whole conversation over this past weekend was about how he doesn't respond to emails. and of the "conversation" all i said was 'k'.
so i made a promise to myself to ignore him.. to get over him. in order to get over a person.. i can't see them. or talk to them, or think about them. out of sight, out of mind, right?
wrong.
after telling andra to tell him that i would not need a ride to school(and her calling me rude... oh well, rude was my goal, i guess), i got my mother to transport me there. i got there... got my books.. went into the library to hang out with some of my friends, bell rang, i left for first period. as walking through the hall, he and his girlfriend casually strolled through, casually flaunting their togetherness. makes my blood run cold. i just stared at the opposite wall as i passed by.
french class...he sits on the opposite side of the room. piece of cake, right?
wrong.
we arranged all of the desks in one huge square for a game of family feud de francais. ugh. everyone is in your vantage.. including the guy that i've loved for so long. i couldn't believe it.
anyways, i tried to ignore him. but my eyes kept slipping away from my intentions. i kept staring at him.. and catching him giving me stares.
okay... 2nd period over.. lunchtime.. he comes up to my table, clanks his can of soda on my table, and asks if it's "safe" to sit here... and i said that it was.. and he said that he thought i was mad at him, and i was like, i dunno why. i don't care where you sit, you can sit over there.. you can sit here. whatever you want. so, he sat down on one of the cheap plastic chairs that "they" force our asses into. and timidly scooted over closer to me(on my side of the table). i ask him why he hasn't talked to me all weekend. he gets that look on his face, does his little sigh... and says that i haven't talked to him. and i continued with, "well, our whole conversation consisted of me saying 'k'". we mutually ended the conversation.. it would have just ended in both of us being mad.
last bell has rung.. school's over. i go to my locker, talk to andra at bryan's locker. i say something pointless.. see bryan coming my way, and evade the upcoming situation. as i pass him, i tell him that i have his picture(i took pictures and developed a few of them in phototech.. his just happened to be one of the two that i printed out haha.. yeah right happened to be, my ass ;)
he asks me if i'm coming home with him. i just repeat that i have his picture and walk away. my mother's outside waiting for me.
yesterday, i still didn't get a ride from him. no big deal. nothing big happened during school.
last night, i wrote him an email, asking if my spot was still vacant in his car.. i sent it, and while still signed on, i went to take a shower. as fate would have it, the five minutes that i'm in the shower, is the five minutes he decides to come online. he messages me telling me that "of course it is still yours" and that i should call him to let him know if i'm coming with him. of course i'm sorta excited about it. i mean, if i make his girlfriend uncomfortable because of him hanging out with me, then i'm not gonna stop that. every man for themselves. just because i'm persistent and am willing to risk a few things, doesn't make me a bad person. besides.. she must have felt the same way during last summer.. so screw it. i'm willing to wait. i have for 3 years. i dont' think a few months will hurt me anymore. this thing he has with her can't last forever... at least i hope not. let's just keep faith that all of my dreams aren't just wishful thinking.
anyways, today. he was such a flirt. in french, algebra, (lunch, i sorta ignored him.. i was doing a project), walking to his car, and in the car itself.
i was in algebra class and i gave him a shoe wedgie(hey, when you're desperate, you regress to the five year old tactics). so i gave him a big shoe wedgie. a real big one. i lifted his foot up by his shoelace and like.. swung it around. and as he propped his foot onto his chair to fix it, i bent down to get the other shoe. he jumped back. then he went for mine.. cornered me in between the wall and a cabinet.. he got one shoe.. then as i fixed the other one, he went for the other. aaaah!!! it was cute.
i kept calling him impotent today...it didn't make him mad... but i could tell that it sorta pissed him off. then he was like, "want me to prove to you that i'm not impotent?" i just said "where and when?" he smiled.
walking to the car, he snuck up on me as he always does, and smacked me in the back with his car keys. i said OW! and he said that it didnt' hurt. he was right, it didn't. he then stole my hat, and was about to put it on, but i snatched it back. he kept saying he wanted to wear my hat... so i jumped(i had to jump to get it on his head) up and shoved it on his big head. over his eyes. he wore it for a little.. but then took it off saying that he didn't want to wear something that was on my hair. ugh! he was kidding, of course. anyways, it started raining, and he kept joking about running to the car and speeding away without me.. and i told him that he better not...
i showed him the picture that i had printed finally. he said that it would have been a perfect picture if he didn't have the 'goof' look on his face. but i like the picture. i like his little goofy looks. i'm such a sap.
anyways, now he's at school for the play. won't be home 'til late.
i hate this, tho. i hate how i wasted a whole journal entry on obsessing over him. i mean, yeah. i have REALLY STRONG feelings for him. but am i getting too obsessive!? i just want to come out and say to him how i regret everything i did about our break up last year. and that i miss him.. and that i love him. and all that mushy gooky stuff. :( oh well. i'll get my chance, like i said before. it's just that time will tell.
