. tara .

My name is Tara and this is My Story...

My life has never been easy but I will not start from my birth....Instead I will start from the experience leading up to my pregnancy.

I was 17 and in a very abusive relationship. We were living together in my folks home as he was kicked out of his own folks home. My parents turned there backs to what was going on. We had been together two years, but after six months of abuse at the end, an acquaintance of his had reached out to me with helping hand and gave me the strength to break it off. It was rough and I was nearly beaten to death, and kicked out of the house because my mom said "it was all my fault". But this man, this friend...John, stuck by me. I thought he was my savior! An angel sent to rescue me. My night in shining armor! We become lovers instantly.

Three months later our fire had long burned out and I found out that I was three months pregnant. It never came to mind before hand as my periods were practically once a year anyway and I was told at a young age that I could not have babies. So here I was, homeless, out of school, alone and pregnant at 17. For me there was no abortion as I couldn't live with myself, but did however consider giving the baby up for adoption. I had a hard decision to make! I was happy and sad and angry all at the same time. Luckily I ran into a dear friend I hadn't seen in some time and her family took me in. Shortly there after my mom found out I was pregnant and took me home.

I called John to tell him that I was having his baby. He refused to believe me and infact wished the baby dead if I were telling the truth!! So off to the layers I went to got the papers for him to sign away all his rights to the baby. I didn't want a man like that in my child's life! But some how, I don't know why, those papers never got signed and we got back together for the baby's sake. Our relationship stayed on and off for the next four years. But anyways. I had decided to keep the baby and had become extremely happy and excited about becoming a mom. Despite all the stares and insults that were thrown my way daily!

It was a difficult pregnancy, especially during the last month. I was ordered to stay in bed and was at the hospital twice a week hooked up to fetal monitors. Two weeks late, but I finally went into labor. It was 10:00 on a Friday morn when my water broke. I called John at work who told me she would "stop by" later....The boys were going on a little ski-do trip.(He worked at a skidoo shop) I was not surprised....I hung up on him and off too the hospital I went.

I started pushing that night at 11:00pm with no results and a doctor who kept yelling at me for not doing it right! I was very nervous and scared and confused. And was in and out of consciousness. After hours of this the nurse finally called in a specialist who showed up in a ski-do suit as by this time the roads were closed due to a snow storm.....He instantly yelled at the doctor for letting me push this long saying I should have had a c-section hours ago!....My pushing wasn't the problem after all....Turns out my pelvic was too tiny...The baby was stuck with my tailbone literally pierced inside his brain! With no time for a c-section or drugs for that matter, the specialist dislocated my hips and used a vacuum to pull the baby out.

At exactly 300am Saturday morn. Jan 22, 1994, Baby Brandon was born weighing 9lbs even! He is my miracle baby! To everyone's surprise he was alive and still is! Living a normal healthy life! Luckily I had a quick recovery too but we had stayed in the hospital 2 weeks for observations.

It wasn't till that afternoon that John had showed up. He took a glance at Brandon and went home stating he had a headache!

The next four years was a constant battle between John parent's and my ideas on how to raise my baby! They were trying to take over and I would have no part of that. And as for John....He is long gone! Sure he stops by now and then and has finally started paying support this year but Brandon and me are doing OK.

It was a long hard road. Most of it spent very alone with no positive support. We live with my boyfriend of 4 years in a nice apartment in the city. Brandon's a guineas at school! Ahead of his whole class and too smart for his own good!

Its still hard though! I'm 25 Manic depressive,trying to raise a child to love life and be happy! I'm still constantly ridiculed for having a child so young but I try not to let it get to me anymore. I can't have any more. Brandon is still my miracle baby...I may have been young but I wouldn't give him up for the world!!

I've never looked at it as missing out on the 'party years'. What I have is so much more! I have the chance to give somebody a happy, loving life full of promise and potential. Something I never had! Sure there are times when I feel as though I suck at this whole parenting thing but then I look at Brandon and know I am doing the absolute right thing!