yeah, Y/you guessed it; i'm a girly girl
The beginning of love is to let those we love be just themselves, and not twist them with our own image - otherwise; we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them --Eleanor Roosevelt
what a perfectly lovely day today has been. i have no idea why i have been so happy, except that last night the time i had with Master was positively marvellous. i slept like a little child and had lovely dreams, a far cry from the strange, odd dreams that had been plauging me earlier in the week. they weren't nightmares, really, just unsettling dreams. they were the kind that one wakes up from feeling as though they were supposed to be somewhere and do something important that they had missed; that edgy, panicky, am-i-late-for-work?-did-i-forget-my-homework?-did-i-feed-the-cat? sort of feeling. but this morning... ah, this morning i woke up happy, languorously stretching, rolling over to peek out at the morning sky, smiling as though i were the happiest woman on earth... and perhaps i am.
while i was in the shower this morning, i was thinking about how wonderful it is to be free to be perfectly feminine. there is something that is lost, i think, when women try to prove themselves in this world; they take on masculine traits at times without even realizing it. for some of them, if this makes them happy, it can be wonderful, i'm sure, but it always made me miserable.
even as a little girl, i was always concerned with being a feminine girl. my parents had other ideas. they had wanted a son, you see, and i think it showed in the way they lopped off my hair, (which always made me cry) and dressed me in overalls and baseball caps. as soon as i got a mind of my own (around the age of three or four) i started begging and pleading for dresses, ribbons, long hair... i wanted to be a girl.
luckily enough, i had a grandmother who not only was a whiz with a sewing machine, but who loved seeing her little granddaughter flounce about in ruffles and bows. i was in heaven. this was also about the time that my grandfather began taking me around various places to sing, and the Shirley Temple look my grandmother created had a charm that won over everyone in the halls i performed in. personally, i was in heaven. i was "all-girl" as grandpa said, and i was proud of it.
i still love ribbons and bows, though i am decidedly less Shirley Temple now, and more a cross between country girl, 1940's vargas girl, and medieval princess. i prefer skirts to pants, though at times the Katherine Hepburn look appeals to me. i like to look utterly feminine at all times. even my home is very feminine, with touches of lace and potpourri here and there, tucked in any stray corner. i have old fashioned, feminine hobbies, like needlework and sewing, and i cross my ankles delicately when i sit just like grandma taught me. i am still "all-girl" and i likely always will be.
in today's world though, the woman like me who prefers to keep her femininity, who defers to men, who wants to be viewed as capable but who doesn't want to have to mow people over to do it has more than a few trials ahead. luckily, with Master, i don't have to worry.
i know He will keep me safe. i know He will protect me from the evils in the world. yes, i expect this from a man the way women expected it a hundred years ago. no, i don't want to fight my own battles. i want to defer to him. i want to be "all-girl" forever. and i am luckier than most, because my Master still views me as an intellectual equal, still values my company and my conversation even while shielding me from the world around me. many Men in His position loose sight that "all-girl" doesn't mean one can't be a partner. my duties in the partnership are just different from His is all; they are no less important.
til next W/we meet, be well and happy --di.