CLINICAL STUFF

This page is for me...for me to rant and rave and talk about my illness...Clinical depression is an illness. I'm not crazy!!!!! I just lack a little thing called seratonin. I have to take PAXIL which is from the PROZAC family.... It keeps me level. It keeps me from panic attacks...it keeps me from losing my mind!  I have read all the self-help books ever written...but they didn't help! I blamed myself for everything BAD that happened to me....I was even more emotional before! If that's possible!!!! I went to a great therapist but realized that I didn't want to talk about my childhood anymore...it was too painful! I just want to go on with my life! I want to be well. I want to be a good mother and I want to be a good person.

One of my biggest flaws is that I get quite emotional about my beliefs.... I will fight 'till the end.... this is usually my downfall! I have learned to control this, though...through therapy. I've learned that everyone isn't obliged to think the same way as I.

I have learned to forgive the past...and move on. Sometimes it still attacks me...but I have learned to deal with these demons. If  you came from my homepage you will see my "cat-attraction"! I find the cats in my life are great therapy. They let me love them..they let me rant and rave and scream and hold them tight if I need to. They purr their love to me and this little sound can soothe me back to reality. Their faces make me smile regardless of how sad I may feel inside.

My husband is another gem. He has been with me through it all. I know he has a hard time understanding sometimes....but he loves me. He wants me to be well. He holds me when I need it. He lets me rant when I need to. He brings me back to reality. He puts up with all the felines that I need around me and he's been known to clean the cat-box!!!!

My daughter....I LOVE her more than life itself! She has kept me going, She makes me smile. She is so easy to be proud of because she is so wonderful! She is a great kid! Even as she's entering the teen years I feel very close to her. She does well in school...she's compassionate and caring even though her musical tastes are sometimes questionable...hee hee! I never realized how much another person would change my life until I became a mother.

I appreciate you letting me go on...if you're reading this.....

I like to write and am presently attempting to write a novel. This is a long and hard process...but it helps me to focus...

I would like your comments....lead me to your stories!

I have read alot about clinical depression. I think one of the best books so far has been "Prozac Nation" by Elizabeth Wurtzel. I also found alot of comfort in "Toxic Parents"...I cannot recall the author...sorry! Another book I think every woman should read is "She's Come Undone"....another block when it comes to the author...I know this is ignorant...and I apologize! If you have a reading list....I would appreciate you sharing! I read ALOT for comfort!

crane@aztec-net.com

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