A waitress walks up to the table of three Japanese men at a New York City restaurant. When she gets to the table, the waitress notices that the 3 men are furiously masturbating. She asks, "What the hell are you perverts doing?", to which one of the men replied, "We are very hungry". She responds, "But why are you whancking off?" One of the three says, "Because menu say "First come, first serve!" |
A newly married couple returned to their apartment after being on honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked. "Sh!" said the bride. "All the neighbours will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?" So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?" "No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep. When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?" "No, thanks," said the husband, "It was only a small load so I did it by hand!" |
A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?" "There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and i told you" he said. "We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go outside and some back in and say that there's something wrong with your 'ear' or whatever". The man walked out, waited several minutes and re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my 'ear'," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly, "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?" "I can't piss out of it." the man replied. |
A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness." Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closeer and asks again, No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!!!" |
A travelling salesman finds himself stranded in the tiniest town in Australia. He knocks on the door of a little hote, "Sorry, we don't have a spare room," says the manager, "but you're welcome to share with a little red-headed schoolteacher, if that's okay." "Oh, that'll be great," says the bloke, grinning from ear to ear. "And don't worry, I'll be a real gentleman." "Just as well," says the manager. "So will be the little red-headed schoolteacher." |
