Uncertainty and Confusion

BEWARE!! This entry jumps around a lot...

So last night/this morning (the early AM hours of Monday) when i had incomnia, I wrote my latest letter (#5 or 6??) to Jamie. It actually came out fairly well, but it needs a post-script. (And no, I'm not putting it up here. If she wants to read it, then I'll give her a copy, but until then, it's gonna stay private.)

She and I need to work this out soon or I will go crazy. This uncertainty is not something I'm dealing with, with ease. (It's making me miserable.)

Later that morning, about 10:42am...

I feel like she's avoiding me. When I want to help her or at least comfort her the most is when she wants me around the least. It seems strange, and contradictory.

The other thing that is bothering me right now is that not only am I not allowed to worry, but her friend Meredith is. I'm almost jealous... And let me just explain that I don't think Jamie's cheating on me when I say this. I feel this way because she's not letting me in, but she's letting others in. I'm her girlfriend...shouldn't I be one of the ones allowed to worry??

I'm so confused...I just don't know what to do or feel anymore.