Is It Too Late?

Thursday, October 24, 2002 (1:59am)

Jenny: I didn't come here to hurt anyone, a-and I lied to you because I thought it was the right thing to do. I... I didn't know what would happen. I didn't know I was gonna fall in love with you. (pauses) Oh, God. Is it too late to take that back?
Giles: Do you want to?
Jenny: I just wanna be right with you. I don't expect more. I just want so badly to make all this up to you.
--Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Passions"

Have you ever had one of those moments when you realized you've said too much and you'd give anything in the world to turn back time and take it back? Yeah, me neither. No, I'm just kidding. Of course, I've had these moments...I had one yesterday.

I'm not gonna go into detail 'cause I'm embarrassed enough as it is. But let me tell a certain person that I hope I didn't cross too far over the line in that AIM message...I think I overcompensated in my attempt to assure you that we're good. Nothing's wrong between us. But please feel free to ignore the song I mentioned...it describes how I feel but I shouldn't have brought it up. This all plays into our need to find a middle ground which I was gonna post stuff about the other day, but now I'm glad that I couldn't. So don't keep an eye for any new entries from these last few days, 'cause they're never coming.

But anyway, I think the only thing that was different the other night was that I wasn't all lovesick like I usually am when we're together. I've been working really hard to suppress those feelings. I'd try to explain more but I'm starting to tear up, so I need to stop before I get over-emotional and spill my guts and embarrass myself all over again. So it was Melissa the friend who was there, not Melissa the ex-gf. Plus, I figured you'd want time with our buddy and when I'm around you can't or won't speak as freely. So I didn't want to intrude. Though I was glad to get your email and know that you wanted to talk to me too about everything.

Alrighty, I've done far more internal exposing than I was prepared to do with this, so I'd better stop before I say too much...again.

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