Rollercoaster of Emotions

Saturday, February 8, 2003 (11:59pm)

So I read a journal entry tonight and oh the reactions that stirred in me...

My first thought was one of indignant disbelief...a "Oh no, you don't. You'd better not be planning what I think you're planning!" And then, I thought maybe I'd be invited along. But I've been informed that nope, that's not gonna be the case. And I was hurt...

And yet, I understand. I understand your need to be alone. I know what he meant to you.

But why on Friday?

And after deciding that I'd close for Lisa and let her spend the night with her boyfriend, I got mad. Fuck it...I was not gonna work a closing shift just to keep myself from spending the night feeling sorry for myself. Hell, I'd find myself a date. If you didn't want to spend time with me on that night, fine. I'd find someone who did. That lead I work with probably has no plans...

But I feel petty for thinking that. However, I am not changing my schedule after I worked so hard (well, worried about it and plotted how to get out of it if they scheduled me to close) to not close. But I am NOT going home. I am not going to be alone. So let me know soon if this is truly how it's gonna be on Friday. And if I get to see you, it'll mean so much to me and if I'm not gonna get to see you, then I'll make other plans. I'll find another friend who's alone and we'll hang out. And that's okay with me. (I'm not thrilled about it, but I'm mostly okay with it.)

I promise.

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