No Answer
I have no answer to the dilemma which I now face.
Maybe you've been here yourself, which is why this is being written.
I believe that in the struggle to swim upstream, as the salmon seeking its home, source, place of birth to spawn, in our struggle towards Light, deep soul-searching becomes necessary.
In a life spent largely alone, I have discovered a longing for a mate, a complementary soul, one who benefits by my companionship and whose presence enhances my life's works and joys.
Prior to this longing, which I found deep inside, beneath several layers of other stuff -- trash acquired from environmental and hereditary influences, I wanted a mate, a friend, but I see now that it never would have happened. There's a difference between a soul mate and what most of us settle for.
It has to do with how well you know yourself, how much you are willing to give, what you really are and what you really want.
Finding deeper layers of myself, I found a connection to a higher source, from which I believe we inherit this desire for a mate who resonates to our own frequency. I believe that this desire, in its purest form, unites two searchers of Light. In any form, it motivates us to seek companions and partners. As I have stumbled through my mistakes, it eventually led, via purification, to the discovery of this raw desire.
Sensitivity to invisible worlds is a gift that has been given to me as a result of my searching. I have sensed, seen and heard the unique qualities of others.
It can be annoying at times. For example, anyone I sleep beside or make love with has an effect of me while sleeping and for a day or so afterwards. Depending on the person's energy, this is not always fun! As a result, I have become obliged to share my intimacy only with persons of compatible energy, and rarely (until the real thing comes along). This can put a damper on your sex life! Casual sex is very expensive for me now, in terms of what it does to me. Abstinence by necessity, I suppose.
There's another problem from recognizing where people are coming from...
I have met and recognized potential compatible mates who do not yet know the quality of their own being. I see that the environment they're in doesn't encourage it. I now know two who are "stuck" in their environment. One is there by choice (aware, but stubborn). The other seems to be searching and therefore may discover deeper layers of himself. I see and recognize qualities in people that they themselves are not aware of!
What a strange place to live.
