Valerie's Virtual World

 

Here's the letter I sent to my family members:
 
 

Dear Family Member,

I thought it would be easier to explain what was going on with me in a letter, so here goes. I have been very unhappy for a number of years and have spent a major portion of my life bouncing from one distraction to another, trying to find some meaning or purpose to my life and not always succeeding. This has affected my relationships, my career…all aspects of my life. At times I feel that there is a dark cloud hanging over everything I do.
For many years I have been struggling with chronic depression, and just an overall feeling that something was not right. Part of what I am dealing with is overcoming the denial of a significant part of myself, one that I have kept hidden since childhood. I anesthetized myself for almost a decade with alcohol and it wasn’t until I had some sobriety behind me that I was able to face some of the issues at the core of my unhappiness. I now realize that many of my long term problems are gender related. I believe that I am suffering from what is clinically know as Gender Identity Disorder, sometimes referred to as Gender Dysphoria. People with GID experience a conflict between their physical gender and their mental gender map.
I have been cross-dressing since I was a child. Plagued by shame and guilt, I would go through periods of denial, and pretend as though nothing were wrong.  I would throw out all of my “girl stuff” and swear to never do it again. But weeks or months would go by and I would buy some feminine clothing, and start the cycle again.
April and I have been seeing a marriage counselor for some time now,  and this has helped us tremendously in dealing with our relationship issues. April has been very supportive of me, and I couldn’t have dealt with these issues without her help. However, we both felt that our marriage could not survive this ordeal, and agreed that divorce was the only way to preserve our friendship.
I have been attending a local transgender support group for many months now and they have helped me to deal with my situation in a supportive and non-judgmental environment. It has been very difficult for me to face these issues, especially after suppressing them for so many years. I have come to think of the support group as a surrogate family and I could not continue to pursue this without their help.
My family has always been loving and supportive of me and you all have been an important part of my life. I hope that this won’t change because of my current situation. I realize that this is a lot to take in all at once, so if you just want to talk about this please call me or write.

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