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LIV 98 Jamboree

written by ‘Ugly Kid’ Gary Sutherland, 16

PARENTAL ADVISORY EXPLICIT LYRICS

Yes I havn't finally got round to sorting out the article about Liv 98, to all who we met there hi and to all those who missed it gutted.

We admit to nothing in this or any other documents contained on these web pages.

I'll delay no longer and get on with the diary of the week's events(Photos to follow).

JAMBOREE :30th July - 6th August

Thursday July 30th

The immense fun of Dionysus was already underway, the minute we set foot on the coach, Gordon became haggis on tour, Rob became lord of the back seat, Chris handed out penny sweets to all us imbeciles, but what set the sky alight to narrow it down, was basically "moons on the bus", I don't actually believe there was actually a single moment when a pale hairy white bum, wasn't bobbing up and down squished tightly against the window, gracefully provided by Kevin, Simon, Gordon and me. Truck drivers were amused (especially with the porn pictures we showed them), but the lady drivers weren't. The three hour coach journey moved quickly along due to our antics with the porno and our butts, although we'd overpacked the coach, it wasn't gonna stop us from acting stupid (we're ventures, what the hell did you expect from us?, daisy chains and poetry?)

The first crisis came in the form of Helen blowing chunks (puking if you are dumb) on the coach, no-one noticed much anyway 'cos she did it in a bag, so any hullabaloo action didn't occur, the second was more of a disaster because pretty much the whole of Dionysus was affected, the moment we arrived the unit became disgraced and all happy faces turned to scowls as the officials at Liv'98 decided that no generators were allowed, everyone was completely pissed off, because it seamed Andrew's sound system couldn't be powered and now we had no music for a week (shock! Horror!), I think Andrew and Scott were pissed off the most, because Andrew had paid for it to be hired, and Scott bothered to drive up here just to bring the damn thing, and to top it all off, it decided to rain, frankly no-one was impressed with the situation. Somehow Scott managed to use some old wog-box speakers and his car head unit to provide us with a sound system and so we was all chuffed to have some toonz.

After taking a long time setting up 10 tents and taking up half the sub camp, we settled down to our dinner: stew, and congregated by some tents for the night to have some stupendous conversations, topics verged from music to kiddy cartoon theme tunes and then onto oral sex (you think I'm gonna forget a subject like that), which proved useful and interesting.

The great thing here is the fact that we're the only unit at Liv'98 so far, 'cos we come a day early so basically we rule the site, and we're on a higher part of the field, so we'll look down on all the lesser mortals when they arrive.

I went to bed at a reasonable time, because I was knackered, but I found that Kev and Mark went out wandering to thieve a golf flag from the field behind us!

Friday July 31st

At bout 2:30 in the morning, Helen said "do you this bit?", me and Mark attempted to converse with her, only she was asleep?

During the night, the squirrels ate a chocolate cake, and nibbled our bread (Maybe it was Helen feeding them, well it sounds like she was offering them food), I think we'll be having roast squirrel tomorrow.

Breakfast came and went, and then it was onto washroom, I went first with a appauling, ridiculous, scalding hot one minute, freezing cold the next- shower, and to top it all off I forgot the shampoo any way, so basically I got wet for nothing. I think Andrew spent the entire norning in the washrooms, because every time I went to find someone, he was always there, he finally did a disappearing act after me and Simon took a communal dump with him (And I'm sure my turd was over a foot long).

We spent the afternoon trying to annoy people arriving by setting up deckchairs in a row and watching everyone set up the tents while we sat, drunk beer, and smoker.

Kev and Mark dressed up in handkerchief hats and rolled up jeans, and became the official old men. They proceeded to parade around the site showing that Dionysus are absolute nut-bars. After a large supplementary dinner and cake, we got tanked up on our beer and were one of the first units to go down to the marquee and go mental, but frankly the monkey dust magic just wasn't in the air tonight, maybe I wasn't drunk enough, but I have to say it was average in every way, everyone put on some kind of false bravado 'I'm the party diva' act on, it just annoyed me that no-one was acting their muppet-selves when the party got going, neither was I, so I'll just shut up.

When we got back to the site of Dionysus I livened up a bit more, we met some other people who sat with us, and there was some jollyness, and Adam weren't there to complain about the playing of 'Everything about you' by Ugly Kid Joe, and the people we met seemed to like our little 'New-crunchy-bangers-from-walls' ending. Gordon carried on his Scottish embassy, Kev was still the old man, and Chris had his hair in bunches (forming the first part of the Debbie Burrell appreciation society), after everything quietened down, and people wandered to bed, me, Mark, Gordon and Simon went down to Scorpion VSU to sing a last rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody for the evening, to end the night three large cardboard seals, two golf poles and a very big fluffy octopus were successfully nicked. Gordon found a box of 20 Marlboro lights, and we spent the rest of the night doing Mick Jagger impressions. We were last to go to bed. Unfortunately I wasn't off my face, fortunately most of Dionysus was, just to keep our reputation up.

Saturday August 1st

Everyone was up at a reasonable time to cook breakfast, and get ready for the opening ceremony, apart from me, I got up with half an hour to spare.

We all wore the T-shirts I designed for Liv'98 and went to the ceremony, and I have to sat it was a waste of time, and lasted at most 10 minutes, disappointing really considering I could have just stayed asleep.

After lunch, Scott, Chris, Gordon and Andrew went to do 'dragon-boating', the rest of us went on........the bouncy castle. It was a bit wet, but we dried out, and had a laugh (until some fat bloke and his kooky crew came on to join us).

After knackering ourselves we came back and rocked to some 'offspring' toonz, provided by Kev, and we just generally monged out on deckchairs, hoping that the sun would come out, but no, the weather is still complete shit.

By the way, the word of Jamboree at the moment is 'silly daddy', and don't you be forgetting that.

Wiring up the sound system has become ridiculous, the wogbox speakers buggered up, so the head unit was attached to one of Andrew's large speakers, and the wiring keeps acting up, but we've got more bass, so I'm satisfied. The longboat activities went well I heard, Dionysus won. I am not however looking forward to dry slope skiing in the morning, because it's too bloody early.

We are now ready in our suites, ready to party, however some simpleton near our tents doesn't seem to realise we're having a laugh, and doesn't quite see the point, clearly he is not from Essex.

Sunday August 2nd

Me, Kev, Sarah, Helen, Debbie, Dan, and Emily were all up extremely early, to don our skies and go on the piste.

We actually started off on the toboggan run, funny moments were Emily singing 'John Kettley is a weatherman' while going past a group of Polish people, and then falling off her toboggan in the process. Then on my second from last run on the toboggans, I decided to not brake, and then shout as I came round the final bend 'Silly Daddy', however I didn't brake at the end when it told me to, and I whizzed straight onto the conveyer belt, and sped along at top speeds almost crashing into the line of toboggans, there was a distinct and intriguing smell of burning rubber.

The skiing was better than I thought, and easier too, Helen and Emily spent most of the time on their arses, and the only time I fell over was because Emily crashed into me, and finally today we had some bloody good weather, so when we got back, we spent the rest of the day in shorts and no shirts, paddling in the pool with the general Akbarh (I probably can't spell it) potato.

Scott put our names down on the talent contest list to do a strip dance to 'You sexy thing', however we couldn't get hold of the song, so we couldn't practise to it, so we decided instead to do the 'Bumdance' to 'Come on Eileen'. We had about an hour to think up a dance and learn it. It was hard work, and we doubted whether we'd actually do it, there was a prize but we weren't interested in winning, we just wanted to have a laugh, be ridiculous and keep up Dionysus' good nature. Michelle also entered and was doing a Toni Braxton cover 'How could an angel break my heart', and we all knew that she had pure talent, and would surely win, when the moment came at 9:00, my pants turned brown, the cafe tent was absolutely packed, and there were some brilliant acts going through before us, I felt like a complete plum standing there in my leather, shirt and tie.

Us 'three moons' or 'a bunch of wankers' as the DJ called us, were the 5th act on stage, when we got up on stage my heart was racing and the adrenaline was pumping at an increasing speed through my veins, but I found wearing sunglasses stopped the intimidation of people looking into my eyes, me and Kev basically followed Scott's lead. When we had to take our shirts off, Kev's top button got stuck, and my bottom button did, I felt like an absolute disaster, our finale however, couldn't have shocked the people more, we literally blew the crowd away, our moons popped out of our pants, and showed everyone what a hairy mammoth arse is really for (except for Kev, 'cos he's got a nice smooth arse, Ooo Matron!).

It was a total adrenaline rush I couldn't believe we'd pulled it off. Michelle was up next and put on a star performance, her singing was top notch, she had a hell of a lot of courage.

After about another 10 acts passed through, the DJ prepared to announce the winners, in 3rd place was some 'Mohammed' people playing 'Tie me kangaroo down sport, on pots and pans, in 2nd place was the Polish with their folk stuff, and then the DJ announced 1st place by saying the winners were completely the opposite to the polish, the winners gave the crowd what they wanted, dancing, incest, sex and sodomy. The winners were 'a bunch of wankers', I just stood there, and then suddenly the brain clicked 'Shit, that's us', Scott collected the prize1 and me and Kev followed on stage, we then did a fabulous encore, even though, I didn't have my tie on. We went mental with our arses it was so fun, and Kev's bum was somehow by a microphone, and you could hear him slapping his butt, is was amplified on a bloody PA system!, the Spice girls (boys) came on and were like slapping our butts and stuff, it was just crazy man, crazy! We'd won and hadn't even wanted to let alone try properly, we won Ł10 Virgin voucher each, for showing our butts, a tenner for my butt, I should be a prostitute, how good is that!

The whole of Dionysus went mental afterwards, all of us in a state of shock (and to think they weren't gonna bother coming to see us, 'cos they were eating their dinner), we didn't stop shouting ,and singing our 'Silly Daddy' anthem. It was a crazy night and the first Dionysus had ever won anything.

That nights party wasn't very good it was pretty empty, and they played some poo stuff, apart from of course me requesting 'come on Eileen'. The cafe tent was a different story altogether, we went against all the rules of smoking, and sat there waving a table in the air shouting out our many anthems repeatedly, such as 'Silly Daddy', 'Debbie's got a willy' and 'Cats in the cradle'. Some people got the arseache with us, but we were drunken idiots on a general adrenaline rush.

Monday 3rd August

We awoke this morning at about noon, only to realise the immensely crap weather, it was pissing it down, and apart from that there were gale force winds, and the tents were buckling and falling over under the force of the wind, our tent had 2 guy ropes snapped and a river inside.

The food tent had to be taken down, and I missed jet-skiing (Doh!), I'm writing this now at 5:30 Liv time and it is an appalling day ,overcast, grey, murky, rainy and extremely windy, I'm half expecting a tornado, but I've got me shorts on and I'm having fun.

Quite a lot of us went to go carting at about 1:45 and it's really late now, we've had dinner (provided by Scott) and now at almost l0pm you have to think that it's it a bit ridiculous that the others are still go-carting, remembering that it's 70's and 80's night and people are getting their fancy dress ready. I'm sorted in my Michael Jackson / Alice Cooper costume, Mark is an 80s punk, Simon is Leo Sayer, Scott is a 70s Peter Parker (photographer extraordinaire), Andrew is one of the professionals, Gordon is Hannibal from the A-team, Chris is the bloke from Human League and generally everyone's in fancy dress.

For some strange reason I can't be bothered to dance I just want to get pissed, and act dumb.

Same again tonight in the cafe tent, we just annoy everybody, and disobey the rules, in the background 'Roobarb + Custard (1974)' plays on the big screen, and the music is bloody loud in here tonight (probably trying to drown us out), communication was hard, but we all managed to decide to dismantle a table and thieve it, Chris finds out and goes mental at Rob ,but Rob hasn't got a clue what Chris has just said to him, and everyone basically rolls around with laughter, and Andrew calms down Chris, thieving carries on with 3 table legs, we all run out the tent and Rob stacks it (3rd time lucky this week) and rolls about in the mud. Suddenly from out the tent comes Bianca and the girls, with the table top and a chair, then more people run out copying our idea, only we're a leg short so the girls go back to look, and I sit on the chair contemplating, the staff say it's alright as long as I don't burn it, security however go insane, and give me a bollocking, Doh!

Early to bed tonight, Alton Towers tomorrow!

Tuesday, 4th August

We had originally thought about going in silly clothes, but in the end only me and Gordon did it, I had my Hawaiian shirt and my studded gloves on, Gordon had his 2 Scottish flags on, and became 'Haggis on tour '98'. We hadn't even been there five minutes before something worthy of note happened, Mark ran up to the person dressed up in the bear suit and hugged him, the bear fell over, Mark fell over, the security woman flipped, and mark practically got arrested, just because he hugged a spastic bear, because clearly the person in the suit was incapable of anything, and should be sacked, the bear turned out to be a woman. A classic had been made to be remembered forever. About 5 of us were delayed by accompanying Mark, and the others went on to the Oblivion, we followed on almost behind the rest in the queue. As usual 'silly daddy' was on the guest list, as was the new one 'Dingle'. It was a superb day, we got on a lot of rides, and the queuing didn't seem all that bad.

Chris and Andrew went on the kiddy rides, while some of us went on the blackhole, and the photo of Andrew on the 'Nemesis' was a comedy head moment, for some unknown reason. All in all the day was a success, everyone had fun, and the silliness never ended, it was quite amazing that we were never booted out.

When we got back to the site, a BBQ was on for everyone, which consisted of 2 hot dogs, a chicken, a burger and some crisps, yum, yum!

I spent most of the evening in our tent, and didn't get very drunk, when I came out everyone had buggered off to the marquee, I couldn't be bothered to go 'cos I weren't drunk enough, I was also too busy watching Gordon, Kev, Emily and Sarah wrap up some blokes tent in bog roll, and then fire water at him with Andrew's intense super soaker, although he'd been out of order to Sarah, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him, but it was still fun, and got us going.

I heard the party was brilliant, but every time I popped down there it was empty, and the atmosphere was poo, so a few of us muppets went to the cafe tent, and finished watching 'the Italian job' and then sat there being silly, when the main party finished the others met us in there, but it was boring, and there were no burgers on sale, so a few of us and in the end the majority sat under our food shelter and conversed, me and Mark went to bed at about 5am Liv time, some people like Emily and Daniel sat up to watch the sun rise, whilst copying the Liv shark emblem onto the grass with a large amount of bog roll.

Wednesday, 5th August

I woke this morning feeling totally shagged, my entire face was aching, especially the eyes, and it wasn't no hangover, I was finally exhausted.

Most of this morning was spent watching all of the other campers leave, they must have thought we were right lazy sods, not going 'til the last minute, when in fact we were leaving on Thursday.

Me, Scott, Mark, Gordon and Daniel went off to the local town to buy the last food supplies, me and Dan munched on some Apple Danish's, luvvly jubbly. We bought loads of burgers and alphabites to cook for dinner.

Me and Michelle cooked dinner, and Andrew arranged his alphabites to form 'LIV'98' and then took a photo of it. Daniel (Jesus) gave us the 'last supper' and distributed a loaf and a bottle of red wine between us all.

We were invited to a get together with the staff in the evening, but it was pretty poo, so most of us muppets went back and discussed stuff until late.

Thursday, 6th August

Today was the final day and unfortunately me and Scott went earlier than everyone else in his car, so after we packed some tents away, we said goodbye to the best week of 1998, there were good times and there were bad times, but overall Dionysus triumphed over everything and everyone, so much happened and there were many more things that I forgot to include in the diary, but at least you get the main jist of what the week was like.

I also heard the fun carried on during the coach ride home, keep up the good work, Dionysus VSU, we are the silliest daddiest venture scout unit to ever grace the shores of England.

This diary was written during the week of LIV'98, and was written up on the 14th and 15th of September 1998.

Thanks for any input and idiocy given to me for usage by everyone who went to LIV'98 : Scott Sutherland, Helen Hyde, Robin Inches, Kevin Leah, Simon Wells, Mark Gardner, Daniel Sims, Emily Sims, Gordon Wyper, Sarah Kitchener, Debbie Burell, Chris Burell, Andrew Morris, Michelle Robinson and Angela Friend.

By the ever-silly GARY SUTHERLAND (UGLY KID GAZ)-sorry if the diary is to big or to complex for you to read, but there was a hell of a lot to write up. So long and seeya later.

Article by Gary Sutherland (Again)

Disclaimer: Any views, opinions or information expressed in this website are definitely not to be attributed to the Scout Association, nor 2nd Penparcau Scout Group, and probably not even the the Scouts them selves. That's what happens when people like me get put in charge of a website. It just gets filled with drivvel.