As atheists, my husband and I put a lot of time and effort into writing our own wedding ceremony. I wanted our wedding to be completely atheistic, while at the same time still having all the beauty of a traditional wedding ceremony. We took ideas from the secular humanist wedding, my parents wedding, and from the old fashioned traditional religious wedding ceremony. All of these combined made for an honest and genuine wedding that all of our guests could enjoy and feel familiar with.

My goal in writing this wedding was to show all of my 160 guests that an atheistic civil ceremony with an attourney didn't have to be dry and dull. It was short enough so that nobody got restless in their chairs, and the babys didn't have a chance to howl. It was long enough to say everything that we really wanted to say to each other and to our guests about the seriousness of our commitment to each other. All together this ceremony is 20 minutes.

If you are going to be married, and you see things that you like in the ceremony below, please feel free to copy or print it.

Opening Words

Officiant - You may be seated.

We are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of [groom] and [bride]. For them, this marriage is both a pledge of enduring love, and an expression of their commitment to each other grounded in law. For the rest of us, this marriage is an occasion where we are reminded of the bonds to our own families and friendships and how important and wonderful these bonds are to us.

Marriage is dedication. You give yourself, your life and love, into the hands of the one you love. You do so trustingly and generously. By the same token, each of you receives a gift - the life and love of the other. You receive this gift not only from the one you love, but also from the parents who brought you into the world and reared you and from the personal world of friends and family who are joined in friendship and faith in your marriage.

Mark Twain once said that "a marriage makes two fractional lives a whole. It gives to two purposeless lives a work, and doubles the strength of each to perform it. It gives to two questioning natures a reason for living. It brings a new gladness to the sunshine, and a new fragrance to the flowers, and new beauty to the earth, a new mystery to life."

Introduce the Parents

Officiant - It is appropriate that you, the family are here to participate in this wedding. The ideals, the understanding, and the mutual respect, which these two bring to their marriage have roots in the love, friendship, and guidance, with which you have provided them.

Who stands with this man in marriage?

[Groom's] parents together - We do.

Officiant - Who stands with this woman in marriage?

[Bride's] parents together - We do.

The Music

Officiant - The wedding couple have chosen music that they feel is meaningful and appropriate on this day that they wish to share with all of you.

The Readings

Officiant - [Bride] and [Groom] have chosen passages which will be read by [Reader], as inspiration for their love on this day.

[Reader] - The first reading is from Michael Ignatieff's book "Lodged in Heart and Memory".

"In the marriage ceremony, that moment when falling in love is replaced by the arduous drama of staying in love, the words "in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, till death do us part" set love in the temporal context in which it achieves its meaning. As time begins to elapse, one begins to love the other because they have shared the same experience. Selves may not intertwine; but lives do, and shared memory becomes as much of a bond as the bond of the flesh. Family love is this dynastic awareness of time, this shared belonging to a chain of generations. We collaborate together to root each other in a dimension of time longer than our own lives. "

My second reading is from Anne Morrow Lindbergh's "A Gift from the Sea".

"When you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow and tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the continuity possible, in life as in love, as in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread and anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. For relationships, too, must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides. One must accept the security of the winged life, of the ebb and flow, of intermittency."

The Vows

Officiant - You may now exchange your vows.

[Groom] - I, [Groom], take you [Bride], to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. With my earnest and complete devotion, I give you my love.

[Bride] - I, [Bride], take you [Groom], to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. With my earnest and complete devotion, I give you my love.

Officiant - Do you, [Groom], take [Bride] who you have promised to love and cherish to be your lawfully wedded wife?

[Groom] - I do.

Officiant - Do you, [Bride], take [Groom] who you have promised to love and cherish to be your lawfully wedded husband?

[Bride] - I do.

The Exchange of Rings

Officiant - Traditionally, the marking of the passage to the status of husband and wife is marked by the exchange of rimgs. These rings are a symbol of the unbroken circle of love. Love freely given has no beginning and no end. Love freely given has no giver and no receiver - for each is the giver and each is the receiver. May these rings remind you always of the vows you have taken here today.

[Groom] - This ring, a gift for you, symbolises my desire that you be my wife from this day forward.

[Bride] - This ring, a gift for you, symbolises my wish that you be my husband from this day forward.

The Anouncement

Officiant - And now, may the confidence, trust, and affection you have for each other on this day, sustain you as you go forth upon your journey of life together with its joy, its laughter, its sorrow, and its pain. May you fulfill your personal goals with each others help and guidance. May you dwell together in peace, love, and joy.

[Groom] and [Bride], having witnessed your vows for marriage with all who are assembled here with you, I announce with great joy that you are from this time on, husband and wife.

Ladys and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. ____________