Communication in BDSM
Communication is essential to all relationships. The ability to discuss issues between those involved is necessary for a good, healthy relationship. In the world of BDSM communication is very, very important. If communication is not present severe consequences can come about. It is no different then in other relationships, save for the fact that it is just some what more important. The results of a lack of communication, a misunderstanding, or a misrepresentation can be devastating.
In BDSM each person has a slightly different level of tolerance towards what they will and will not do. This occurs on both sides of the relationship, the dominant and the submissive. It is up to all parties involved in the relationship to understand the limits of the other(s). This is not only for the purpose of making it more pleasurable, but to make it safe and consensual.
I've been writing a number of articles concerning BDSM lately. All of them have one common theme to them, and that is trust. BDSM is a trust based activity/lifestyle. Communication is one way of building up that trust. Understanding each others needs and wants is essential to a pleasurable experience. Communication serves the dual purpose of informing about what is desired, and what is refused.
Communication serves to inform those involved about what is and what is not acceptable. There is a fine line between consensual, sensual BDSM and rape or torture. And this line must be respected. If it is not respected things can become dangerous for at least one of the parties involved. BDSM is not about rape or torture, it is about providing a special feeling that invokes pleasure.
To have an open line of communication can make for experiences to be so much more enjoyable. It should be understood that when you communicate you need to be honest. Not just to others, but also to yourself. You must face your own limitations, and be able to tell others. Everyone has a limit, for some it may be a more severe limit, but it is there. And that limit must be known and respected.
Respect is gained through communication. It is the trust that people need to have in each other. It is the comfort level that allows for an enjoyable time. Just because someone has similar interests, or similar personality does not mean that the trust is there, that the honor is three, that the necessary communication is there. You must be careful, you must understand that people can be deceitful. All three of these things; trust, honor, and communication are essential to having a decent BDSM relationship.