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Boris Yeltsin, Bill
Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God.
During dinner He told the three mortals:
"I invited you here because I need three important people to
send my message out to all people - Tomorrow I will destroy the
earth"
After dinner, Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and
told them:
"I have two very bad news items for you:
i. God really exists, and
ii. Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."
Clinton called an Emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and
told them: "I have Good news and Bad News:
i. The good news is: God really does exist.
ii. The bad news is: tomorrow He's destroying the earth."
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and happily announced: "I
have two fantastic announcements:
i. I am one of the three most important people on earth.
ii. The Year 2000 problem is solved."
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Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a
conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and
watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one
ticket?" asked one of the three lawyers.
"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers.
They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats
but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door
behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor
comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door
and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack
and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor
takes it and moves on.
The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So
after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on
the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station,
they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their
astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one
perplexed lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers.
When they board the train, the three lawyers cram into a restroom
and the three engineers
cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly
afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over
to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the
door and says, "Ticket, please."
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This executive was interviewing a nervous young women for a
position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her
personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation
with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The girl quickly responded, "The living one."
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Customer : " What do you have for graying hair ? "
Druggist : " Nothing but the highest respect, Sir "
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" I dont know what to do " a man told a therapist. " My wife thinks she's a piano. "
" Well, then bring her in for an appointment.
"
" Are you nuts ? " exclaimed the husband.
"
Do you know what it costs to move a piano "
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A man frantically searched his
pockets for a wallet containing a thousand dollars.
" Did you look in your pants pockets ? " asked his wife, trying to remain calm.
" Yes "
" How about your jackets pockets ? "
" Yes "
" And the inside Jackets pockets ? "
" No "
" WHY NOT ? "
" Because if its not there i'll have a
heart-attack! "
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" Dad " a polar bear cub asked his father, " Am i a 100 percent polar bear ? "
" Of course you are " replied his father.
"
My parents are 100 percent polar bear, which makes a 100 percent polar bear. Your mother's
parents are all polar bear, so she's 100 percent polar bear. Yep , that makes you 100
percent polar bear too . Why do you want to know ? "
Answered the cub, " Cause , i'm freezing ! "
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Walking along the beach , John
tripped over a half-buried kerosene lantern. He rubbed its side and sure enough, a genie
materialized. " I cant grant your wishes
" explained the freed spirit.
" But i'll give you three gifts for
releasing me: a potion to cure ill health, a very large diamond and a dinner date witha
movie star. By tomorrow afternoon, you will have received all three gifts. "
When John returned home from work the next evening
, he excitedly asked his mother if anything had been delivered. " Yes "
she replied. " Its
been an unusual day. At 2 p.m , a 55-gallon drum of chicken soup arrived. About a
half-hour later , a telegram came saying that a long lost relative had left you a
minor-league baseball stadium. Ten minutes ago , MGM called inviting you to dinner with
Lassie tonight. "
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A boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by
almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver
walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked," What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I
have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what
it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an
older lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and
pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled
between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and
his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls
light up sequentially. They continued to watch
until it reached the last number and then as these numbers began
to light in reverse order.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful young woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly
to his son, "Go get your Mother."
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A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer
said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything
I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance
company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer.
"I'm here because my house and all my belongings were
destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for
everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a
flood?" he asked.
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