Chapter 5
Encourage with a Positive Response
The best encouragement you can give to the participants in a small group is
your positive response. 
When you respond favorably to other people's ideas, they
feel secure, accepted, and encouraged to share more and more. When you respond
negatively to others' ideas, they feel insecure, unaccepted and tend to
withdraw.
Your positive responses set an example for the others in the group, and encourages them to copy your example without thinking about it. This makes the group experience a very happy time as well as a time of growth.
You can direct your positive responses to three things that people enjoy all of the time:
- Being right
- Being original
- Being appreciated
People Like Being Right
When people in your group spend personal time in Bible study preparation for the group meeting, they usually feel God has taught them something. Your positive response confirms this to them, and they're encouraged to spend more time studying and learning.
Before you read on, think of three or four responses that you can give which show that a person is correct.
Some other responses to encourage people are:
- "Very good!"
- "That shows insight!"
- "You have been thinking about that, haven't you!"
- "Wow!"
- "That's profound."
In making these affirmations, be sure to be sincere and not overstate your approval. People will know if you're patronizing them.
People Like Being Original
One of the ways to tell that a subject has been mastered is observing people's ability to translate old concepts into new expressions. When people express a concept in fresh terms, they've demonstrated a grasp of the subject, usually with true insight. Recognize and laud this kind of originality.
Think of a couple of responses you can use to show you appreciate someone else's originality. Here are others you may wish to use:
- "I really like the way you put that."
- "I never thought of it that way before. That's good!"
- "That's a great illustration of that concept."
People Like Being Appreciated
Often participants in a small group hesitate to share certain ideas or experiences because they don't think others will want to hear about them, or they're afraid no one will appreciate them. In particular, when people share their lives or reveal they do not understand something, it's a good idea to express your appreciation for their honesty. Never allow others to ridicule them for their ignorance.
Before you read on, think of some expressions that show you appreciate what has been shared.
Again, some examples that might fit certain situations are:
- "I really appreciate you sharing your life like this."
- "I'm glad you asked that. Many people need to know."
- "Your sharing really speaks to my heart. Thank you."
Wrong Answers
One of the big questions small group leaders ask is, "How can I react positively when people give wrong answers?"
Four approaches you can use when you believe a person in the group is wrong are:
Step 1—Determine whether the answer is wrong or just different.
Many ideas are different from yours, but still acceptable. Be sure the person really is wrong before you try to correct an idea. You may discover the answer is as valid as yours.
If you determine the answer wasn't wrong, only different, acknowledge that you hadn't thought of things in that light, and ask the person to develop the idea further. Perhaps others in the group were thinking along the same lines. Ask the group to share their views.
Sometimes you'll discover different views on a subject, and, as a result, some tension occurs. If this happens, guide the group toward the common elements taught in the Bible and draw personal applications from them.
For example, there are several views regarding the order of events at the Second Coming of the Lord. If people are debating these different views, you can point out that the Bible plainly teaches that Jesus Christ is coming again (John 14:1,3), and we should be continually prepared for His return (Luke 12:40). We may have differences of opinion on other aspects of the Second Coming, but of these two facts we are assured.
Another illustration is differing opinions of the importance of certain gifts from the Holy Spirit. Again, point to the plain teachings of Scripture on the important issues; namely, every believer has the Holy Spirit's indwelling (1 Corinthians 3:16), and every believer has a spiritual gift designed to enable him or her to minister to other people in the Body (1 Corinthians 12:7).
Step 2—Redirect the question.
If you determine that the response someone gave was wrong, not just different, continue to be as positive as possible. Don't react with a, "No, that's not right." Instead, give a positive response that doesn't evaluate the answer, and ask the same question of another person. For example, you could say, "That's interesting. How would you answer that question, Bob?"
By turning the original question over to another member of the group, you can get a second response without having to refute the first. Many times, you'll find that people who responded with wrong answers will either change their minds to agree with the group, or you will find out that they expressed their thoughts poorly and were misunderstood.
Step 3—Point to Scripture.
If you don't get a correct answer from other members of the group, focus everyone's attention back on scripture and ask, "What does it say?" Drive hard for the plain statements in scripture rather than opinions on the topic. Help people to see that what the Bible plainly says is the most important thing to believe.
Step 4—Make a short presentation.
If, after going through the first three steps, you still find people viewing the subject wrongly, you can make a short presentation. But please remember that your presentation should be the last effort. If at all possible, lead the group to discover the truth of Scripture for themselves.
Summary
Encourage people in your group with a positive response by:
- showing that they are right
- showing that they are original
- showing that they are appreciated
Four approaches to handle wrong answers are:
- Determine whether the answer was wrong or simply different.
- If the answer was wrong, redirect the question to another person.
- If wrong responses continue, direct everyone back to the plain statements of Scripture.
- If the first three steps don't work, make a short presentation.
How to Squash Enthusiasm in Your Group
Be careful not to smile or show any enthusiasm for others' comments. It may stimulate them to talk too much.
Demand that everyone use the same expressions that you use. A different way of saying something is probably wrong.
Things to do in a leaders' meeting
- Find illustrations of Jesus using a positive response to encourage His disciples.
- Find illustrations of times when Jesus did not encourage His disciples
with a positive response.
Discuss why He did not always encourage them. - Discuss why good launching questions afford the greatest opportunity for positive responses.
- Share other expressions you can use to encourage people when they are right, original, and appreciated.