A Day For Actors

July 19, 1998.

I'll start at the point where I first saw Ellen there. "The Real Ellen Story" was playing and it was near the end. I'd seen it at the Outfest the Sunday before, so I left to go to the restroom. When I left the restroom, I saw Ellen wandering around outside. She was wearing a black T-shirt. I was about to go out there, but I felt out of place. Went back inside and viewed the rest of the movie. Ellen stood in the doorway after the movie and awaited the introduction. Both Anne and Ellen were sat down and all their wonderful credits were read. The announcer laid out the plan, then asked them both questions regarding their careers.

Then it was opened up to us. I didn't take as good of notes as the woman 3 rows from the back, but here it goes It took Ellen 15 years to be famous. She settled for a part in a sitcom that gave her only a few lines, but the writers were from the "Wonder Years", which she thought was a good show. It worked as planned, she made the connections with them and they later helped her get the show she wanted. She knew that eventually her talents would be noticed. We choose our future by the choices we make, she claims. Also, she finds that no one really knows her well enough to write her material. So she writes her own material and has been successful with it. They both mentioned how no matter who you obtain to be, there is always someone else in control and it usually is the "monetary planet" (notice how Anne always uses the universe as an analogy for most everything?). Used Spielberg as an example. He, being a very high planet, still is controlled by those on the monetary planet. And we know that Ellen had very little control over what was shown from her original tapings of Ellen. "The Real Ellen Story" mentioned how in the "ellen" episode where Ellen went to the rockin' roll camp, at the taping Ellen was singing and at the end of her song she sang out, "I am gay". The tape was confiscated by abc that very night.

The mother topic was covered: Ellen's mom, as we know, is very supportive of Ellen's lifestyle. Her dad has come to accept it, but doesn't like to talk about it. Anne's mom does not and will not accept it. Ellen encouraged Anne to try one last time with her mother because Ellen saw how much pain Anne was in. I already explained that they invited her to the Premiere of "6 Days, 7 Nights" and it didn't work out with her mother. Anne doesn't want or need the pain anymore. It's over. Ellen doesn't even want that kind of person around. Some guy in the audience tried to convince Anne that mom would learn to accept her lifestyle over time. Anne assures him, after his insistence, she will keep an open mind if mom truly wants to try, but she won't allow her mom to hurt her anymore. (My thoughts: Anne knows her mom better than you, I, or even Ellen; so I believe her when she says her mom will never change. It's over!). Ellen can't believe that a caring mom would have allowed her daughter to be abused as Anne was when she was young. Anne assures those that are suffering from the rejection of one's mother, that there are other people that can fill that void and we don't have to depend on a natural mother that doesn't care, to receive the love we need and deserve.

When they selected me, I said that I would like to ask Anne a question, but first I wanted to know if Ellen would accept something I made for her back in March and now I finally get a chance to give it to her. It was a workout shirt from PowerHouse gym that I had embroidered a message to Ellen on it. It is a nice polo style shirt. Black with a blue collar and cuffs. The usual PowerHouse logo was embroidered with dark blue thread. She looks good in black. I embroidered a thought bubble coming from the guy lifting the weights and inside it was my message to Ellen. I told her to be sure to share it with Anne (that goes without saying). I gave the bag to the attendant to walk it up there. The bag also had a letter from one of the listserv members. He handed Ellen the shirt and handed the letter to Anne. Ellen held up the shirt so everyone could see and read the message out loud. I couldn't believe it. The message had my name in it and it was weird hearing her say my name. And she pronounced it correctly. Bonsai probably knows in more detail what happened here, because I was in a dream state at that moment. I had embroidered: "I want Roberta Sutter to do my web page." Ellen looks at me with a puzzled look and asks, "You want me to advertise for you?" I quickly replied, "No, wear it in your house. You have a gym in your house, right?" "Yes." "Wear it when you workout at home."

Then I quickly changed the subject, "Now for my question to Anne. Why did you decide not to do the interview for MTV's 'Fanatic'?" She had a surprised look, "I did?" "That is what MTV told me." She went and explained to me that her publicist handles that and its all about timing of the movies she is in. She wanted to know what Fanatics was, so I explained it. The #1 fan gets to interview their favorite star. She then corners me. "Were you going to interview me?" I told her I tried out for it. She had a sly look in her eye as she smiled at me and asked, "Are you my #1 fan?" I confirmed that indeed I was. "Then where is my shirt? #1 fan, I don't think so." You would have to be there to see the cute body language. She was really acting the part well. I just giggled. I talked over her, then stopped and asked, "what?" She said, "Well ask me one of your questions." I was so enthralled to receive so much attention from her. (Bonsai, did I do alright?) I told her that since I was a teacher I would want to know how she felt at school when she was a kid. I realized that she had moved a lot. It was a terrible experience and she thinks that is why she is so dumb. I really felt sorry for her. I wanted to cuddle her like she was one of my second graders.

Later my daughter was selected (she is 14). As she introduces herself, she mentions that I'm her mother. I said, "a good mother" because they had finished talking about mothers that reject their kids. It was very emotional. My daughter was crying as she told them of her struggle with dealing with the subject of Ellen and gays at her christian school. She is looked down on and lost some needed opportunities at school, even though she is not gay (neither am I), because she defends Ellen and gays. I know her pain and I started to cry (which I never do in public). I loved the way she put in that even though she is not the #1 fan or didn't make them a T-shirt, she still supports them in her own way and pays dearly for it. My daughter is so proud that she made Ellen laugh. My daughter went on to say if their God is all loving, then why wouldn't he love gays? Anne totally agreed with that. My daughter wanted to know why they wouldn't show up to some events they were scheduled to be at. Ellen looked concerned and asked what event she didn't show. My daughter looked to me and I said the GLAAD awards. Ellen explained they had a previous engagement (I already knew where she was, London). Ellen told her she was a great kid. My daughter and I will always cherish this memory. I even imagine Ellen and Anne wearing that shirt in their home. When I am at my gym and see that shirt, I can't help but smile. If I do get that interview with Anne, I'll make her a shirt (something more feminine).
Roberta

The morning was basically a screening of 6 Days, 7 Nights followed by a lunch break. After lunch we saw a screening of the Real Ellen Story (the one being shown at film festivals), followed by Ellen and Anne's Q & A session.

As they came into the room, the audience (about 100 folks) gave them a standing ovation that last for about 1 minute. After they sat down at the table on the stage, the moderator started going over their career histories, then opened the floor to questions. I'm only going to give the Q & As I think were the most interesting. Before the questions actually started getting asked, Ellen asked the man from the school putting on the seminar to not tape it, that they'd had things taped in the past that were supposed to be just for private use that somehow found its way to Entertainment Tonight or Hard Copy...that the seminar should just be for the people who were there..(and now all of you)....A woman asked Anne what was the driving force that got her into acting...Anne replied that she started at the age of 12 to help bring money in for her family, and because she could sing, started doing dinner theater.....she got the role on Another World right after high school and did that for 4 years...she left the soap and planned to go to designing school, but got a movie with Jessica Lange, so moved out to LA and had steady work in either films or small theaters....someone asked Ellen what she was up to now that the show was over....Ellen said she's been writing for a HBO special that she'll be doing soon....she just finished EdTV for Ron Howard and will be in Massachusetts in August doing another movie....a woman asked Anne if she left the soap on her own or was she fired...Anne said she left on her own...she said a large number of soap actors are extremely bitter because they've been stuck playing on the soaps for so long, and she didn't want to end up bitter, so she quit while she still enjoyed the work....she also talked about personal rewards and how it's imperative for an actor to truly enjoy every second he spends on a set...that the reward for a performance shouldn't be a good review or a large gross at the box office...it should be the ability to look at the end product and know you did your best and have nothing to feel ashamed about..(this was a theme they both kept circling back to...that knowing and following your own truth was much more important then being a star)...she also said that as an actor, everyone should work on a soap at some point...because of the pace, basically, if you can get the lines mostly right, they keep the scene and move on...because of this, the actors have the freedom to experiment on method..A woman asked them how they managed to keep their composure and not strike back when they're being attacked by others...Ellen began the answer by saying that knowing the truth and seeing how foolish the attackers really looked made it easy to ignore them...she used the remarks from the documentary by Lou Sheldon ("she's a very attractive woman....if she hadn't told you she were gay, you'd think she could be a Miss America contestant")..that comments like that spoke for themselves and would just shine the light of ignorance on those stating them....that so long as the people who really mattered in their lives knew how things were, it mattered not what others said..Anne went on to say that the people who usually wig out when attacked are doing it because somewhere in their consciousness they feel the attack has some merit...she said the only person whose opinion carried any real weight with her was her wifes' (Ellen....duh!)....A woman stated she was one of 6 kids and 5 of the 6 were gay (Ellen:"That must put a lot of pressure on the 6th") and asked both Ellen and Anne how their families reacted to their coming out...

Ellen spoke first and said Anne's was a long story, hers was simpler...her mom was upset when she first found out, but they'd always been close and her coming out didn't change that (Betty was supposed to be there, but was speaking at a PFLAG meeting in Orange County and never made it), her dad never really understood it, but tries to be as supportive as he is able....Anne started talking about her family by describing her mom's reaction to her fathers' death from AIDS...his death drove her deeper into her religion to the point where now she has an abject hate for homosexuals...Anne broke off communication with her last November, but Ellen suggested in May they invite her out for the premiere of 6 Days, 7 Nights in June....the high point of her moms visit was meeting Harrison Ford.....Ellen interjected that she had tried to talk to her (Anne's) mom as well...the first time they met face to face, she would not engage Ellen in any form of direct eye contact...the second time (the premiere), because of the way she treated Anne, she would not allow Anne to have contact with her again under the current circumstances...that Anne's mom was a "mean, horrible person"...another woman then stood and related how she had been with the same woman for 8 years and was experiencing similar treatment from her family...Anne then pointed out how we are conditioned to accept our birthmother as our primary source of love and nurturing, but sometimes we have to let go of those beliefs and allow a positive substitute to come into their lives and five them the support and love they need, and how grateful she was that she had been given that through Betty....A woman asked if she could give Ellen something she had made for her in March (Ellen: "Sure. Is it cash?") I'll leave the rest of this question to Roberta (wink wink)

A man asked how they managed to find time for each other when their schedules were so hectic...Anne said they always spend Friday night ("date night") together somehow...at home alone or over the phone if one is working out of town...they have a 2 week rule (my guess is that if they are seperated due to work, they never go more then 2 weeks without seeing each other)...and they try to time their schedules so one will be off when the other is working (After Anne finishes Psycho, Ellen starts filming in The Love Letter in MA...as soon as that's done Anne starts shoot Bringing Out The Dead in NewYork with Nicolas Cage for Martin Scorsese)....Someone asked what kind of things they did on "date night"...Ellen said they never go out...just do things at home...she also mentioned that Anne is a great cook...Anne gave an example of how romantic Ellen can be..."this was a few nights ago...it wasn't even date night.....I came home and found a envelope in front of the closed bedroom door...after reading a beautiful poem that Ellen had written, I opened the bedroom door and found a path of rose petals leading to the bathroom...when I walked in the bathroom, the tub was full of bubbles with more rose petals scattered on top of the bubbles...Ellen was sitting next to the tub in her robe with a bottle of champagne..."
BONSAI

"Day for Actors" was put on by Sherwood Oaks Experimental College. They hold seminars and workshops in acting, directing, writing, etc. They have many excellent guests. In case any one is interested in getting into show biz or wants info. on more seminars, the address & phone # is: 7095 Hollywood Blvd. #876, Los Angeles, CA 90028 (213)851-1769 They hold seminars in many different places around LA.

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