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Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
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Drum on every available surface.
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Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
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Staple papers in the middle of the page.
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Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
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Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
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Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
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Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
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Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
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Set alarms for random times.
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Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
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Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
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Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
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Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
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Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
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Light road flares on a birthday cake.
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Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
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At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
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When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
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Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
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Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
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Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
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Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
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Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
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Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
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Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
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Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
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Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
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Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
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Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
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Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
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Never make eye contact.
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Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
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Honk and wave to strangers.
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Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
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Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
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Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
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Wear your pants backwards.
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Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
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Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
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Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
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Pay for your dinner with pennies.
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As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
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Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
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Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
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Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song.
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Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
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Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
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Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
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Drive half a block.
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Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
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Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
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Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
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Mow your lawn with scissors.
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At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
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Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
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Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
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Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
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Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".
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Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
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Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
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Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
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Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
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Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
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Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
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