Amaya & Colin
Amaya:
It was on the second night that I started sleeping in
Colin's bed. That night was the night Ruthie went
into the hospital. I was feeling really scared and
wanted someone to hold me. We'd been talking about
how we liked sleeping next to another person, and
that's kind of how it happened. I know it sounds
fishy, but that first night was really innocent. It
was just sleeping.
I guess it was
the next night that we started kissing. We were both
pretty nervous. I was thinking, "Is this a good
idea?" He's a sweet kisser, though. From that
first kiss, we decided to be secret about it--both
from production and the roommates. Obviously,
everyone knew we were sleeping together, but we were
incognito about it. Justin was the first to know we
were fooling aroun, because, duh, he was right there
on the bottom bunk. He was always getting mad. Then
Matt started asking questions. He's that kind of guy.
He watches stuff. Anyway, we managed to keep things
secret for a while. But, then, I don't know, we
brought it out into the open. Like on Valentine's Day,
when Colin made that really bold move of putting
gifts on my bed. Colin thought it was unfair to the
process and to production to hide our relationship.
He said we'd made an agreement. That's one of the
reasons we opened up.
We had so much
fun in bed. The best thing about sleeping in bed with
him was laughing at night. We'd laugh so hard, we'd
have to put our heads in the pillow, so we didn't
wake everyone else up. And on a serious note, we
learned a lot about each other. We'd vent to each
other about things going on in the house.
Our best times
were always when we were by ourselves. The fact is,
the other roommates brought in a real negative factor.
In front of them, we'd be trying to pretend like
something wasn't happening. We'd end up being rude to
each other just so they wouldn't catch on. And once
it was out in the open, it suddenly became everyone's
relationship. It wasn't the cameras that were a
problem as much as the roommates.
If there hadn't
been so much scrutiny, if we'd just been regular
people, the relationship would have probably worked
out differently. But, as it was, it lasted a couple
of months and then ended. It was over the week my
father got sick. That week, I felt vulnerable. I
clung to Colin. And you know what? He was wonderful.
He'd talk to me all the time. But I was very needy
and emotional. I have a feeling he was freaked out by
how he was feeling.
It took a long
time to really end the relationship. But then I
started dating other people. For the record I just
want to say that the Tony thing was much more
innocent then anyone thinks. After Colin went to
sleep, we talked for six or seven hours. Yes, we
kissed, but mor than that we talked. Still, it was a
bad idea. I wasn't thinking. Kaia and Matt told Colin
they thought I'd slept with Tony. That's not true.
Still, I apologize for hurting Colin.
He made me feel
very beautiful. This sounds crazy, but he'd say,
"I love your butt." No one says that to me,
because I have a weird butt. He'd tell me I was what
a woman should look like. He wasn't one for
endearments. He'd make fun of my laugh, which is fair
since I have an annoying high-pitched honking-type
laugh.
I guess what I'll
miss most is Colin's weird sense of humor. Oh, and I'll
miss punching him. He's a really good person, but
there were so many things against us. I don't think I'll
ever be with Colin again. Romantically speaking, it's
over. And now we're in the process of mending.
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