Back to Index
WENN Captions
Email
Links
Past Commentaries

The Quill is Mightier...
Maternal Instincts
The Bitter Suite
One Against an Army
Forgiven
King Con

For Some Real Commentaries & Articles


On With the Show






© 1998

Xena: Closed Captioned for the Humor Impaired

  • 03-09-98

    I added a button link to some Whoosh pages on the main page (that's this page). Check the sidebar and bottom. So now you don't have to go to the Links page and you can also jump straight to the Episode Guide.



    Quotes Worthy of Bardliness
    Spit it out, Caesar:
    "Xena! This is impossible! How could you ju... This is Rome, you can't...You..."
    "There's a sentence in there just dying to get out."
    --Caesar & Xena (When in Rome...)

    I think I'm going to be sick:
    "It's never just business between us, Xena. It's hatred, conflict, and it's love."
    "I gotta go to the bathroom. Are we done yet?"
    --Caesar & Xena (When in Rome...)

    Miscellany:

    Pompous & Pompey
    AKA Caesar, Julius Caesar &... Oh wait, Pompey is his real name.

    A Prize in Every Box!
    Crassus' Royal Imperial Ring looked cheap enough at first glance, but when we get a better view of it as Gabrielle drops it into the brink, we see it's only a ring found in a box of Cracker Jacks. No wonder she dumped it. Can we say "gaudy"?

    Who's on First?
    Well, not exactly, but when they go into dialogue like, "How do I know he's not dead?" "I'll take you to him." "How do I know you won't kill me?" "She won't hurt you as long as they have me." Makes me think, "And how do we know they [the Romans] won't kill you, Gabrielle?" At this rate, we could be here forever.

    Beware the Ides of March
    Whoops, it's only the first week of March. Guess that would explain the Pompey/Brutus confusion scenario. "Et tu, Pompey?" just doesn't have that certain ring to it.

    Been There, Done That. It's King of Assassins all over again!
    Once again, Gabrielle gets a "worthless excuse for a husband." Interesting diversion tactic that's tried and true into getting into places not easily accessible. In this case, the same Roman jail cell Vercinix is in. How convenient!

    The Path Already Taken
    More deja vu. I hate it when that happens! It seems that Xena and Gab are still on that continuous path that never changes. When Xena drags Crassus to Gabrielle, it sure looked like we've been down that road before. (not the dragging part, but the road)

    What a Drag!
    Seems like everyone's getting dragged around this season. First Gabby in Bitter Suite (but no need to rehash), then Crassus (Though this one was more satisfying. Hey he's Roman scum, what do we care? j/k), and then Xena in the arena (hey that kinda rhymed). And Gabby saw both of the draggings from this ep. Hope she's not having any traumatic flashbacks.

    Add a dash of drugs & Bon Apetit!
    Seemed Gabby either decided "What the hey! Let's give him the whole bottle full of weird powder." Or she just doesn't know what a "dash" is, seeing she cautiously poured some drugs into the water, then dumped the whole thing in.

    Hey, where's the slots?!
    Seems they got the sets mixed up between Rome... and King Con. Caesar's Palace my foot! There were no slots in site. And where's Wayne Newton?! They did have the gladiator fights though.

    Can We Hurry It Up A Bit?
    Gabrielle looked a little bit flustered when Xena & Crassus were talking in the beginning. Seeing the boat won't wait for long & an army is coming their way, I can see why. Guess Gabby wouldn't survive a traffic jam on the way in to San Francisco too well. Can we say "stressed out"?

    Identity Crisis
    It looks like the Persians from One Against an Army are posing as Syrians or they think they are Syrians.

    Identity Crisis II: When Pod People Attack
    Can we make up our minds about which personality we want to be today? In Forgiven, Xena didn't seem to care much about Gabrielle's discomfort. Here, she sort of didn't in the beginning, but in the end, she seemed like she noticed & wish she didn't cause it. Then, she does her pinch thing, but no, she won't kill him because she remembered that she doesn't do that thing anymore. Guess she didn't feel like singing about it again.

    "C'mon, we all have that evil spot somewhere."
    Including Gabrielle. She had a sadistic streak in her when she stayed at the execution long enough for Crassus to see her & call for her to tell the guards who he was. Then, Gab's real personality kicked in & she turned away. Meanwhile, back on the boat, we see her third personality of the regretful & profound Gab discussing her inner feelings, etc. Yikes, it's the Three Faces of Gabrielle!

    Don't Get me Wrong
    I did like this episode, but it's not fun making a quirky commentary with nothing but praise. Plus, all these odd plot points have to be pointed out, so here they are.
Want to know what really happened in the episodes?
1