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 For some reason, I can picture a video cassette of "Manos: The Hands of Fate" collecting dust inside a thrift shop full of broken toys, rusty tools, used polyester clothing, and old National Geographic magazines. I can also picture a hag selling this thing for a dime to some poor sucker at a garage sale. Like many things you may encounter at thrift stores and yard sales, the movie is a strange, obsolete-looking curio that causes your eyebrows to furrow as you wonder, "What the hell is this thing supposed to be?" While that may forever remain a mystery, I can say this much: virtually everything that could go wrong with a movie happens in "Manos: The Hands of Fate". The view provided by the horrible camerawork will leave you wondering if your vision has become cloudy from cataracts, and the random smattering of notes passing as the soundtrack could have easily been done by a three year old. The characters are so one-dimensional (except for the strangely likable Torgo) that 3-D glasses might actually lend them at least a shred of personality! The villain is a bad Frank Zappa clone clad in a black robe decorated with giant red hands, and if this isn't laughable enough, he has a few female jabrones wrestling each other in his basement. This might have been a semi-decent horror film if a certain fertilizer salesman didn't have total control of the project (the guy who wrote, produced, directed and starred in this movie supposedly has sold fertilizer, before deciding to make his own kind of manure within the film industry). Admittedly, it has a bizarre quality about it, though, and you would be hard pressed to find another movie quite like this one (to say it's original is a bit too kind). Even so, "Manos" is largely unwatchable, but it sure makes excellent fodder for an Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode!
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QUARTER BY QUARTER ANALYSIS OF MOVIE
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OVERALL RATING
** NOTE: The more dots on the domino, the better the movie. 12 dots means it's extraordinary while zero dots means it's extraordinarily horrid. ** |
    
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The Worm-Hole Reviews are written by Matt Barnes.