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 It is simply amazing how bad movies can get. These Vampyre Femmes may sound like the scary yet sensual type, but these girls are ridiculously easy to kill. They don't fight like vampires; they don't even fight like girls. For that matter, they really don't fight at all. They just hiss and scream until they get impaled, fried, or decapitated. If that isn't enough, the movie has ludricrous lines like, "Look, I could be killed...forever...I'm serious," and they're all delivered with awful acting. Can things get any lower? How about white guys playing a pair of pot-smoking Hispanic auto thieves named Ed and Nacho? These two characters are weak imitations of Cheech and Chong, but at least C&C have never stooped to going to someone's door and offering to do yardwork in the middle of the night! The one named Nacho is actually played by Tim Sullivan, the writer and director of this dross. Meanwhile, all of this is being shot with a home video camera, and the result looks like a high school project doubling as an amateur soft-core porno movie. The sad thing is that "Vampire Femmes" isn't just a school project. Someone actually invested thousands of dollars to produce it! However, to the movie's credit, the soundtrack is not nearly as bad as the one from "Savage Vengeance", and the acting--as bad as it may be--is still somewhat better than that in "Troll II". It's not quite the absolute zero of horror entertainment, but it comes very close. The bottom line: "Vampyre Femmes" is terrible. It doesn't get much worse than this, but if you manage to find such a thing, please e-mail me. |
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QUARTER BY QUARTER ANALYSIS OF MOVIE
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OVERALL RATING
** NOTE: The more dots, the higher the rating. A dozen dots mean that the movie is a masterpiece while one or no dots means that the movie is about as much fun as kissing an electric fence. ** |
    
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The Worm-Hole Reviews are written by Matt Barnes.