A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you're going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
MONEY FROM HEAVEN
A Little boy wanted $100 and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to
write to GOD a letter reguesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter to GOD
USA they decided to send it to president Clinton.
The president was so impressed, touched, and
amused that he instucted his secretary to send the little boy a $5 bill. President Clinton thought that
the this would be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5 and sat down
to write a thank-you note to GOD, which read.
Dear GOD, Thank You very much for sending me
the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington and, as
usual, those bastards deducted $95.
MORE DILBERT SAYS....
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
A LOVERS LOOK AT THE FEMALE
From 15 to 20, women are like Africa -
Part virgin and part explored.
From 21 to 35, women are like Asia -
Hot and exotic.
From 35 to 45, they are like the United States -
Fully explored and free with their resources.
From 45 to 55, they are like Europe -
Exhausted, but still interesting in places.
From 55 on, they are like Australia -
Everybody knows it's down there
but nobody cares very much.
DOCTOR
A woman is laying (naked except for a sheet) on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery.
As
she lays there, a man in white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and then leaves.
This happens a
second time. The third time this happens she says, "Doctor, am I going into surgery soon?"
The man
replied, "Don't ask me lady. I'm just a painter!"
