Get your copy of The Portable Curmudgeon
Get your copy of The Portable Curmudgeon
ABSTRACT ARTACQUAINTANCE ACTION ACTORS ADMIRATION ADVERTISING Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
Stephen Leacock
Advertising is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
Fred Allen
Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.
George Orwell
Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.
Sinclair Lewis
Advertising is legalized lying.
H.G. Wells
ADVICE TO YOUNG WRITERS Unless you think you can do better than Tolstoy, we don't need you.
James Michener
If a young writer can refrain from writing, he shouldn't hesitate to do so.
Andre Gide
AFFECTION All my life, affection has been showered upon me, and every forward step I have made has been taken in spite of it.
George Bernard Shaw
Most affections are habits or duties we lack the courage to end.
Henri De Montherlant
AGE The best years are the forties; after fifty a man begins to deteriorate, but in the forties he is at the maximum of his villainy.
H.L. Mencken
One of the delights know to age, and beyaond the grasp of youth, is that of Not Going.
J.B. Priestley
To be adult is to be alone.
Jean Rostand
ALCOHOL An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Dylan Thomas
If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue.
Samuel Butler
ALIMONY Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.
P.G. Wodehouse
Even hooligans marry, though they know that marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever.
Quentin Crisp
You never know how short a month is until you pay alimony.
John Barrymore
ALLIANCE Alliance, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.
Ambrose Bierce
AMERICA America is the only nation in history which miraculosly has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization.
Georges Clemenceau
An asylum for the sane would be empty in America.
George Bernard Shaw
Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.
H.L. Mencken
In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.
Marlene Dietrich
America is the greatest of opportunities and the worst of influences.
George Santayana
The discovery of America was the occasion of the greatest outburst of cruelty and reckless greed known in history.
Joseph Conrad
America is a mistake, a giant mistake!
Sigmund Freud
AMERICANS There is no underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
H.L. Mencken
Americans are like the rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.
Robert Frost
We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite someone to get it.
Will Rogers
I have defined the 100% American as 99% an idiot. And they just adore me.
George Bernard Shaw
Americans are a broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive there's something wrong with him.
Art Buchwald
AMUSEMENT Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.
Alexander Pope
ART Without art, the crudeness of reality would be unbearable.
George Bernard Shaw
ATTLEE, CLEMENTHe is a sheep in sheep's clothing.
Winston Churchill
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man. But then he has much to be modest about.
Winston Churchill
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