Get your copy of The Portable Curmudgeon
LAUGHTER
Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.
Friederich Wilhelm Nietzsche
He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.
Bertolt Brecht
LAW
The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six weeks in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
H.L. Mencken
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
Fred Allen
Every law is an infraction of liberty.
Jeremy Bentham
LAWYERS
Lawyer: one who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation.
H.L. Mencken
Lawyers are operators of the toll bridge which anyone in search of justice must pass.
Jane Bryant Quinn
If law school is so hard to get through...how come there are so many lawyers?
Calvin Trillin
LAZINESS
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Jules Renard
LIAR
The aim of the liar is simply to charm, delight, to give pleasure. He is the very basis of civilized society.
Oscar Wilde
It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.
Jerome K. Jerome
LIFE
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
George Bernard Shaw
Life is one long process of getting tired.
Samuel Butler
Life is not a spectacle or a feast; it is a predicament.
George Santayana
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Clarence Darrow
Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
Oscar Wilde
LOATHINGS
My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music.
Vladimir Nabokov
LOS ANGELES
Thought is barred in this city of Dreadful Joy, and conversation is unknown.
Aldous Huxley
I mean, who would want to live in a place where the only cultural advantage is that you can turn right on a red light.
Woody Allen
Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?
Herb Caen
LOVE
Love is the state in which man sees things most decidedly as they are not.
Friederich Wilhelm Nietzsche
A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Ambrose Bierce
The delusion that one woman differs from another.
H.L. Mencken
Love is so much better when you are not married.
Maria Callas
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
Stephen Leacock
By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying-
One of you is lying.
Dorothy Parker
Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it.
Maurice Chevalier
When we want to read of the deeds that are done for love, whither do we turn? To the murder column.
George Bernard Shaw
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
H.L. Mencken
Boy Meets Girl, So What?
Bertolt Brecht