 | Ch. 29:1-21. Character Traits to Follow |
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| Ch. 29:1-21. Character Traits to Follow |
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| 29:1 |
 People are divided by their opinions.
(meaning by nature).
Some are irritable
and always angry.
Others are stable in temperament
and never become angry,
or if he (is provoked into becoming) angry,
it is only once every few years.
Some people are very proud,
while others are very humble.
Some are controlled by desire
and will never be satisfied
in their search for pleasure.
Others have very pure hearts
and will not desire even the smallest things
that the body needs (basic necessities). Some are greedy
and will not be satisfied
with all the money in the world,
as [Ecclesiastes 5:9] states:
"One who loves money
will never be satisfied with money."
Others seek little.
A small amount, is enough for them,
less than they really required,
and they will not pursue
to get enough for their needs.
There are miserly people who starve themselves
and are tightfisted (save their money);
whatever they (spend for) what they eat
is done begrudgingly.
Others spend their money lavishly. The same applies with regard to other traits.
There are those who are lighthearted
and those who are melancholy;
hardhearted
and easygoing,
cruel
and merciful,
timid
and courageous, etc. |
|---|---|
| 29:2 |
The good and proper path
which a person should train himself to follow
is the middle way.
He should not desire (anything)
except those things which his body needs
and can not exist without,
as implied by [Proverbs 13:25]:
"The righteous eat to satisfy their soul." Similarly, he should not be involved in his business
except (what is necessary) to provide
for his immediate necessities
as implied by [Psalms 37:16]:
"The little a righteous man possesses is good." He should not be either overly tightfisted
or overly generous.
Rather, he should give charity according to his means,
and lend an appropriate amount to those who need. He should not be overly joyous or lighthearted,
nor sad and melancholy.
Rather, he should always be happy,
gentle, and friendly.
The same applies with regard to other traits.
A person who follows the middle path
is considered wise. * * {This and the previous law are a summary of the first chapter of the Rambam's Hilchos De'os.} |
| 29:3 |
Pride is an extremely wicked quality,
and man is forbidden to display it even slightly.
Rather, one should train himself
to be humble,
as our Sages [Ovos 4:4] commanded:
"Be very, very humble." How can one train himself
to be humble?
One should always speak gently.
One's head should be bent over
with one's eyes pointed downward,
but one's heart should be directed upward. One should regard everyone else
as greater than himself.
If the other is a greater Torah sage than him,
one is obligated to honor him.
If the other person is wealthier than him,
he is also deserving of honor,
as [Eruvin 86a] relates:
"Rabbi Yehuda Hanosi would honor the rich."
One should think that since G-d, the Blessed,
granted him this wealth,
he is surely worthy of it. If the other is on a lower level,
either in wisdom or wealth,
one should consider him more righteous.
Since, he (is less learned),
should he commit a sin,
it is considered to be inadvertent and involuntary.
However, when one commits a sin oneself,
it is (considered to be) deliberately. If a person always thinks this way,
he will never be proud
and will prosper. |
| 29:4 |
Similarly, anger is an extremely wicked trait
which a person should keep far from.
He should train himself
not to become angry,
even over things
which rightfully (cause him) to be angry. If he has to cast fear
over his children and the members of his household,
he should appear before them (as if) angry,
to admonish them;
but, he should be settled,
in his own heart. [Berochos 29b] relates that Elijah the prophet told
Rabbi Yehudah, the brother of Rav Sallah,
the pious,
(Aramaic - trans. follows)
("Do not become angry,
for anger will lead to sin.")
(Aramaic - trans. follows)
("Do not become intoxicated,)
for this will lead to sin." Furthermore, our Sages said,
of blessed memory (Shab. 105b; Zohar, Bereshis):
"Whoever becomes angry
is considered as one who serves idols."
[Nedorim 22a] states "All types of Gehinnom rule him,
as [Ecclesiastes 11:10] states:
'remove anger from your heart,
and [thus] remove evil from your flesh.'
'Evil' refers to Gehinnom,
[as Proverbs 16:4] states:
'even the wicked for the evil day,' " Those who are constantly angry,
their lives are not really living.
Therefore, (our Sages) commanded us
to keep away from anger
to the extent where we make ourselves
unresponsive
even to matters which provoke anger. This is a good path
and the path of the righteous,
who are insulted
but do not insult others,
who hear others shame them
and do not respond.
They act out of love
and are happy even in the face of suffering.
[Judges 5:31] describes them as follows:
"Those who love Him
are as the sun as it goes forth
in its might" (Shabbos 88b). |
| 29:5 |
A person should always try to keep silent.
He should speak only about the words of Torah
or about things
that are necessary for his existence.
Even with regard to these basic neccessities,
he should not talk too much.
Already said our Sages,
of blessed memory, (Avos 1:17):
"Whoever talks too much
brings on sin."
(Similarly), they have taught (ibid.):
"I have found nothing for one's person
better than silence." [Arachin 15b quotes] Ravvah as saying:
What is the meaning of [Proverbs 18:21]:
"Death and life
are in the power of the tongue"
- one who desires life,
(must realize that it is dependent) on the tongue;
one who desires death,
(must realize that it is dependent) on the tongue. |
| 29:6 |
A person should never be
given over to frivolity and jest;
nor to sadness and melancholy.
Rather, he should be happy.
(Our sages), of blessed memory, said [Ovos 3:17]:
"Frivolity and lightheadedness
accustom a person to lewdness." Also a person should not be
greedy,
overanxious about money,
or sad
and idle.
Rather, he should have a pleasant disposition,
minimizing his business activity
in order to study Torah.
The little which is granted him
should make him happy,
as said our sages,
of blessed memory [Ovos 4:28]:
"Envy,
lust,
and desire for honor
drive a person
out of this world."
A person should separate himself from them. * * {See ibid., Ch. 2.} |
| 29:7 |
Perhaps, a person would say:
"Since envy,
lust,
the desire for honor and the like
are an evil path
and 'drive a person out of his world,'
I will separate myself from them
to a great extent
and go to the other extreme
- i.e., I will not eat meat,
nor drink wine,
nor marry a woman,
and not live in a pleasant home,
nor wear attractive clothing.
Rather, I will wear sackcloth..."
- This is also an improper path
and is forbidden to be followed. A person who follows such a path
is called a sinner,
for it is written of a Nazarite (Numbers 6:11):
"And it will atone for him,
for having sinned against his soul..."
and said our sages,
of blessed memory, (Ta'anis 11a):
"Behold, if a Nazarite
who did not separate himself
except from wine
requires atonement,
one who abstains
from everything,
how much more so." Accordingly, have commanded our Sages,
of blessed memory,
that a person should not refrain from (indulging) anything
except those things
which the Torah has forbidden to us,
and not to forbid to himself,
through oaths and vows,
any permitted things.
so said (our sages in The Jer. Talmud, Nedorim 9:)
of blessed memory, (rhetorically):
"Is it not enough for you
what the Torah has forbidden?
Why have you forbidden to yourself
the permitted things?" And forbade our Sages, of blessed memory,
a person to afflict himself
with fasts above those that are customary.
Concerning all these matters
and the like,
said King Solomon,
may he be in peace, (Ecclesiastes 7:16):
"Do not be overly righteous,
nor too wise.
Why should you destroy yourself?"
(Similarly, in Proverbs 4:26,) he writes:
"Balance your foot's path
and firmly establish all your paths." * * {See ibid., Ch. 3.} |
| 29:8 |
We have already quoted (Ch. 1:3)
the statement of Yehudah ben Tema:
"Be bold as a Leopard...,"
which teaches not to be embarrassed before people
who mock those who serve the Creator,
blessed be His name. However, in any case,
one should not reply to them with bravado,
lest one develop a tendency
towards insolence
even in matters unrelated to His service,
blessed be His name. |
| 29:9 |
Similarly, one should not quarrel
over a mitzvah
- e.g., who will lead the prayers (as chazan),
or who will receive an aliyah,
and the like.
We find a parallel
with the showbread (in the Temple).
Even though it was a mitzvah to eat it,
[Yoma 39a] relates that
the modest would withdraw their hands,
while the gluttons would grab (their portion)
and eat. |
| 29:10 |
It is human nature
for one's behavior to be influenced
by one's associates,
friends,
and neighbors.
Therefore,
a person must associate with the righteous
and always sit with the wise
in order to learn from their deeds.
He should stay far from the wicked,
who walk in darkness,
so that he will not learn
from their actions. As declared King Solomon,
may he be in peace, (Proverbs 13:20):
"One who walks with the wise becomes wise,
while one who associates with fools
will suffer harm."
Similarly, [Psalms 1:1] states:
"Happy is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked..." A person who lives in a city
whose leaders are wicked
and whose inhabitants do not follow a just path
should move away from there,
to live in a city
whose inhabitants are righteous
and follow the proper paths. |
| 29:11 |
It is a positive mitzvah
to cling to Torah Sages
in order to learn from their deeds,
[as implied by Deuteronomy 10:20]:
"Cling to Him."
[Kes. 111b asks rhetorically]: "Is it possible for a person
to cling to the Divine Presence?"
but thus interpreted (the verse)
our sages, of blessed memory:
cling to the Torah Sages. Therefore, a person should try
to marry the daughter of a Torah Sage,
or marry his daughter to a Torah Sage,
and to eat and drink with a Torah Sage,
to do business together with a Torah Sage,
and associate with them
in every possible manner,
as was said [implied) (Deuteronomy 11:22]:
"cling to Him." Also commanded our sages,
of blessed memory, and said [Ovos 1:4]:
"Sit in the dust at their feet;
and drink in their words thirstily." |
| 29:12 |
It is a mitzvah on every individual
to love each and every Jew
as one loves one's own body,
as [Leviticus 19:18] states:
"Love your colleague as yourself." Therefore,
one should speak favorably of him
and care for his property (and honor)
as one cares for his own property,
and wants for his own honor.
One who seeks to glorify himself
through his friend's dishonor; even though his friend is not present
and no shame will reach him;
and nothing (was said explicitly) to discredit him,
but rather, one merely compared
his own good deeds
and wisdom,
against the deeds of his friend
or his wisdom,
in a manner that will cause all to consider
that he is honorable
and his friend shameful;
will not receive a share in the world to come
unless he fully repents.
|
| 29:13 |
Any one who hates a fellow Jew in his heart
violates a negative command,
for [Leviticus 19:17] states:
"Do not hate your brother in your heart." If one is wronged by someone,
one should not despise him,
but should remain silent.
As [II Samuel 13:22] relates,
[even] among the wicked:
"Avsholom did not speak to Amnon at all,
neither good nor bad,
for Avsholom hated Amnon." Rather, it is a mitzvah for him
to confront (the person) and ask him:
" Why did you do to me such and such?"
"Why did you wrong me in this way?"
as [Leviticus 19:17] commands:
"You shall surely rebuke your colleague." If the latter asks forgiveness,
one should forgive him
and not be cruel,
(e.g.; Abraham as Gen. 20:17] relates:
"And Abraham prayed to G-d ... (healed Avimelech)." Avos d'Rabbi Noson relates
(end of Ch. 16):
What is meant by "hatred of the creations?"
To teach that a person should not say:
"I will love the wise
and hate the students,
love the students
and hate the unlearned."
Rather, one should love them all
and hate the nonbelievers,
those who entice others to worship false gods,
and also the informers. Similarly, (King) David proclaimed (Psalms 139:21,22):
"Those who hate You, G-d, I will hate,
and with those who rise against You will I take issue.
I hate them with the most utter hatred.
They have become my foes." * * {Even in such a situation, our hatred should not be directed against the persons themselves, but against their sins (Tanya, Ch. 32).}
|
| 29:14 |
It is forbidden for a person
to pray for Divine retribution
against a friend who has wronged him.
This applies only when the issue
cannot be settled in an earthly court.
Whoever calls out against a friend
will be punished first himself. Some say
that even when the issue cannot be settled
by an earthly court,
it is forbidden to pray for (Divine) retribution
unless one warns him (the person) first. |
| 29:15 |
A person who sees that a friend has sinned
or is proceeding on an improper path
is commanded to try to return him to the correct behavior,
and to inform him that he is sinning
by his wicked acts,
as we are commanded (Leviticus 19:17):
"You shall surely rebuke your colleague". One who rebukes a friend,
whether about wrongs committed between man and man
or about wrongs committed against G-d,
should rebuke him in private.
He should speak to him gently,
in a soft tone.
He should explain to him
that he is saying these things only for his benefit,
to allow him to acquire a portion in the world to come. Whoever has the opportunity
to protest (against the committing of a sin)
and fails to do so
is considered responsible for that sin,
since it was possible for him
to protest (and he did not). |
| 29:16 |
The above applies
when one feels that he will be listened to.
However, if one knows
that he will not accept (the rebuke),
it is forbidden to rebuke him,*
as Rabbi Illai (Yevomos 65b) said
in the name of Rabbi Eliezer,
(the son of) Rabbi Shimon: * {This applies only when the prohibition is not explicit and obvious in the Torah. However, in the latter case one is obligated to rebuke a colleague, even when it is likely that the rebuke will not be heeded. (Shulchon Oruch HoRav 608:5, Mishna Beruroh 608:7,8).}
|
| 29:17 |
One is forbidden to embarrass his friend,
whether by one's statements
or by one's deeds.
Surely this applies in public.
Commented our Sages,
of blessed memory (Bova Metzia 58b):
"A person who embarrasses a friend in public
will not receive a portion in the world to come." Further said our sages,
of blessed memory, (ibid. 59a):
It is preferable for a person
to allow himself to be thrown into a fiery furnace
than to embarrass his friend in public,
as [Genesis 48:25] relates:
"She (Tamar) was being brought out (to be executed)
and she sent the (articles) to her father-in-law, saying:
"By the man to whom these belong,
was I made pregnant."
She did not explicitly tell him (that he was responsible),
she merely hinted (at the matter),
(thinking): "If he admits, fine.
If not, I will not publicize the matter." Therefore, a person should take great care
not to embarrass his friend in public,
whether great or small.
Similarly, he should not refer to him
by a name which will embarrass him,
or relate, in front of him, something
which will embarrass him. Even if he has wronged him
and must rebuke him,
he should not shame him,
as [leviticus 19:17] warns:
"Do not bear a sin because of him." The above applies
to matters between man and man.
However, with regard to matters (between man) and G-d,
if a person does not correct (his behavior)
after being rebuked privately,
he may be shamed in public
and his sin should be publicized.
He may be shamed to his face,
disgraced,
and curse him
until he improves his behavior;
as the prophets did [to the Jews]. This is not (considered)
as vexing (a person) through speech,
(for that prohibition) is stated (in Leviticus 25:17):
"Do not wrong your colleague."
And interpreted our sages,
of blessed memory, [Bova Metzia 59a]:
"your colleague"
to be "a person who joins you in Torah and mitzvos."
The Torah forbids wronging such a person,
and not one who transgresses the mitzvos
and does not repent
after being rebuked privately
in a gentle manner. |
| 29:18 |
When a friend has wronged a person
and the latter does not desire to rebuke him
or speak to him at all,
but rather to forgive him in his heart,
without bearing a grudge
or rebuking him
- this is a trait of the pious.
The Torah only mentioned (rebuke)
lest a person bear a grudge. |
| 29:19 |
A person must take great care
with (regard to) orphans and widows,
to speak to them only gently,
to treat them with honor
and not to cause them pain, even by (just) words,
for their souls are very downcast
and their spirits low. This applies even if they are wealthy.
Even with the widow of a king
or his orphans,
we are warned about them (not to mistreat them)
as [Exodus 22:21] commands:
"Do not vex any widow or orphan."
He has established a covenant with them,
who spoke and thus brought the world into being:
Whenever they call out
because of a wrong done to them,
they will be answered,
as (the Torah) continues (ibid. 22):
"if he cries out to Me,
I will surely hear his call." The above applies
when one vexes them for one's own benefit.
However, if a teacher reprimands them
in order to teach them Torah,
or a profession,
or in order to direct them
towards proper behavior,
then this is allowed.
Nevertheless, (even in these cases),
one should direct them gently
and with great mercy,
for [Proverbs 22:23] states:
"G-d will plead their cause." (The above applies to) one orphaned from his father
or orphaned from his mother.
Until when are they considered orphans
in this regard?
Until they are able
to tend to all their needs by themselves,
like all other adults. |
| 29:20 |
A person should be careful
not to do anything
that will make him suspect
of having committed a sin
(even though he has not committed it).
Thus, [Shekolim 3b] relates
that the priest who takes money (to buy sacrifices)
from the Temple treasury
would not enter wearing a garment
in which anything could be hidden,
for a person must
satisfy his obligations toward humanity
as well as those owed G-d,
blessed be He,
as [Numbers 32:22] states:
"and you shall be guiltless
before G-d and before Israel."
Similarly, [Proverbs 3:4] states:
"You shall find grace and favor
in the eyes of G-d and of men." |
| 29:21 |
It is a pious quality
not to accept any presents,
but rather to trust
that G-d will provide enough of one's needs,
as [Proverbs 15:27] states:
"He who hates presents shall live." |