my mind runs wild...
i hope to keep whoever comes to this page updated on my thoughts. this is sort of a newer version of the old "twisted thoughts" page that i had. no one responded to that and i doubt if anyone will respond to this. so, whoever reads this, i hope you enjoy. if your thoughts differ from mine, please don't hate me. just send me an e-mail with your thoughts. if you send me hate mail, you are just another ignorant bastard among the many in this world.
february 21, 2002:
i was always told that things would be different when i went from highschool. to me things haven't changed much. i go to a community college, but it still should be different in some way. but it's not. the teachers take attendance, which sometimes counts against your grade. some of my teachers have even kept track of tardies. just the other day, i was told that our teachers were no longer aloud to let students out so early. who's paying for the class?
i saw an old friend at the mall the other day. well, i guess he's not really my friend anymore. he just kind of shook his head and smiled. what did i ever do to him? i know about half of the story, but i don't think i did anything worth losing his friendship. i thought maybe he'd see the light once he realized his girlfriend wasn't everything in the world, but i guess not.
i see these "truth" commercials on television. you know, the ones where they say how bad cigarettes are and everything. i wish they'd just get over it already. why not go after other things, like alcohol? or while they're at it, why not go after illegal drugs: cocaine, heroine, ecstasy? where's our government on this one? worried about osama, while even more people die from drug use. i wish they'd hurry up and legalize pot already. then all the potheads can be happy, and smoke themselves stupid, as our country continues to fall apart. i know people will say, "but jon you did it. why wasn't it so wrong when you did it?" it was. i was just too young and stupid to realize it. i don't need that stuff anymore. if you do, do it without me.
april 11, 2002:
maybe i'm not at all as plain as i make myself out to be. maybe i am much more complex and complicated than anyone could ever imagine. or maybe i am just a scared little anti-socialist who will do anything to defy the majority. i'm pretty sure that is the one. the thoughts that fill my head completely go against what makes me so plain, and make me into a hypocrite. when i was drinking and smoking i was never stupid about it. i never drove if i was even buzzing, either way. i could not even find my car the few times i was drunk, so i definitely did not drive drunk. the big thing though, was that no one made a big deal out of it. it was just sort of our neighborhood pass time. today, people make a big deal about it. i would really like to start drinking, and possibly smoking, again, but everyone makes such a big deal about it, i just say forget it. and i will remain this way until it is not such a big deal.
i have a feeling that i will have a very hard time succeeding in any career that i try to pursue, because of one thing. i am not a kiss-ass. if a customer yells at me, i am going to yell back, or just walk away. i am not going to be like, "oh, i'm sorry sir, let me kiss your ass some more. i could lick your crack as well, if you would like." people tell me that is the way of good customer relations. it is not. there are ways to have good relations with customers without kissing their ass. and customers do not deserve your respect if they do not treat you the same. that will be the day that i fake a smile for some customer who is blaming me for something beyond my control. the customer is not always right, no matter what anyone says. and whoever coined that phrase is a moron.
even though i have celebrated the pothead holiday of this month, i never quite understood it, and i still don't. what is so special about 4-20? i have heard that it is hitler's birthday. that is really something to celebrate. get stoned to celebrate the nazi bastard who tried to wipe out an entire race. real nice. otherwise, what is the big deal about the twentieth of april? i wonder if all the potheads will be too scared to get stoned, or too stoned to care. either way, i still don't understand the significance of this date.
june 19, 2002:
at the fork in the road, in life, a big decision is made. which way you choose to go can alter every moment of the future in your life. many times in life, you will ponder whether or not you have chosen the right road. you wonder what life would have been like had you chosen the other road. you wonder if things would be better, or worse, in your life, than in the present. you will soon realize, if you haven't already, that no matter what road you have chosen, you can make it into the right road. i do not believe in fate or destiny. fate will not lead the way of your life. you are not destined to be something. you are what you are because you got yourself there. you are not the creation of some mysterious wonder that so many believe in. you are the creation of yourself. do not let anyone tell you otherwise. so take the winding road of life, and wind it the way you'd like it to be.
society has fallen apart so much, it is unbelievable. no one is even trying to stop drugs anymore. if they are it is not enough to be seen. underage drinking still goes on many times a night. it has become socially acceptable for women to flirt with other guys, and even kiss other guys, while in a relationship, without that being considered wrong, but if a guy gets caught flirting, or kissing another girl, watch out. it is okay for a woman to leave her children at home, and stay at a friends house, because she no longer wants to deal with her children for a while. it is okay for a man to leave his family with no money because he doesn't want the hassle. priests have been sexually abusing children for years, and only some have stopped, and that is only because they got caught. people live their lives on welfare and raise many more welfare babies. here are my solutions. legalize the so-called gateway drug, but put your hard-earned money down to fight against all other drugs. lower the drinking age, but then take the liquor stores off of every corner. the only solution i have for the flirting thing is show that you don't like it, but that doesn't work. if mothers interacted with their children, and showed love and respect, maybe they wouldn't have a reason to feel as if they need to get away. men just need to quit having sex with any woman that they want, unprotected. every priest should be disrobed because they've all done it, and they're preaching false-truths anyway. people on welfare should not be aloud to have children, because they are only raising their children to depend ont the government, meaning the taxpayers. if you disagree with my solutions, feel free to let me know what your solutions would be.
july 9, 2002:
the more i think about it, the more i would love to have lived during the prohibition days. life would have been so much easier for me. there would have been nobody breathing down my neck to break away from my individuality and drink like the rest of them. there would have been no crazy parties where people do things they should not be doing. life would have been much more peaceful. no being scared to drive around two in the morning, because bartenders do not care how drunk their patrons get. no deadbeat fathers ruining their families because they blow the family fortune on booze. no deadbeat parents spending all night at the bar, while the grandparents watch the children. no bar fights because guys, who blow up their chests every time a girl walks by, think their tough. and most of all, nobody dying as a result of people being too drunk and stupid to realize that they are not capable of driving, but do anyway.
it seems as if, or so it does to me, that it is always the people that do not deserve to die, that do. it is always the good people that lead a good life that die first. i guess it is true that only the good die young. i have been told that it was their time to go, and that the "lord" must need them in heaven. this is somewhat of a double oxy-moron to me. first of all, i don't believe in the "lord", or "god", or whatever people call this so-called being. and second of all, why would this so-called "god" take away the good people and not the bad? kind of sounds like the work of a devil to me. who else would leave all of the bad people here on earth, and be so selfish as to keep all of the good people to themself. so as our world continues to fill up with rapers, beaters, cheaters, haters, killers, and druggies, all of the good people continue to disappear. almost sounds like some kind of governmental conspiracy, doesn't it.
whoever invented chewing gum must have been some slack-jawed redneck who enjoyed watcing cows chew their cud, and just wanted to spread his amusement, because that is exactly what most humans who enjoy chewing gum look like. mind you, there are some people who know how to chew gum without opening their mouth. however, the majority does not. now i have tried to be patient, and i have tried to be understanding, because it is so hard to chew with your mouth closed, but my patience is running out. why is is it so hard to chew gum with your mouth closed? does it really take that much more energy to keep your lips together while chewing? i think not. i think it is just pure laziness. i know this sounds like some petty issue, but you try sitting next to someone, who is emitting this moist, smacking sound, for about an hour or two. i think you'll understand me then. although, i think people who chew gum are immuned to the sound. i'm trying to be nice about this, so if you chew gum, would you please keep your mouth closed? or else i'm going to start carrying duct tape with me.
july 25, 2002:
i have some guest writing for all of you out there. it's quite interesting, to me anyway. his name is eric. i'm sure you all know who eric is, unless you're completely new to this page. i'm sure what he has to say will upset a few people, but neither of us care. it's his opinion, but i strongly agree with most of it. i'll be back soon with some of my own writing. here is eric's mind running wild:
The Point of Life
What point does life have? Are humans simply a virus to the world? Why is religion so popular to human life? Is my life pointless? These questions will be answered in my opinion. If you feel my opinion is way off, shut your mouth, I didn't ask your opinion. I'm trying to prove a point. Don't judge me on length of content, grammar, punctuation, nothing... Just read, and absorb.
Life holds what main point... purpose? Plain and simple.... nothing. Humans will not live forever. Technology only entertains our bored mines with thoughts of something to come. If you simply take a moment out of your busy schedule, sit down with only the thought, "life holds what point...." what comes to mind? Don't think insignificant things, just the thought of, is the reason I'm alive for any good reason? You probably think so, but I'm hear to tell you, your very wrong.
Humans are nothing more than thorns in the worlds side. Humans of any color, race, intelligence, disfigurement, all contribute nothing that benefits this world we live in, unless your no longer living. Then and only then have you helped make the world a better, cleaner, less soiled place of paradise. Humans take from the ground, trees, water, and sky. We are savages. Kill or be killed. We kill all, each other, animals, plants, and the only thing that comes from our species is more offspring, more killing. I decide that we are a pest, virus, and our species should no longer be.
Who decided religion was key to life? I'll tell you. The being was a fool. If you really believe there is some magical place you'll go when you die, you're no more oblivious then a child that believes in a Santa Clause, or any other childish figment story character. There is no God, there is no heaven, hell, life after. Humans create this false idea because deep down they know what I'm telling you now. There is too many religions for a reason, because no one knows anything. Humans have been told through generations of lies what's right, above, below, what bull. If we really knew what life meant, I believe we wouldn't exist.
My life is dismal, as I think about it with each rise and set of that stupid burning sphere in the sky. I contribute nothing to anyone. I create art, I write songs, I've gone to school, I've made and lost friends, loves, for what reason? No reason. As I sit and type this, I feel like what your reading will neither change your mind, or better it. The only thing I wait for is my heart to stop. I could never kill myself, but I welcome time and strain, to end my life. I know my life holds no meaning, just as much as I know you hold no important meaning to life.
So life holds what point? Life hold no point or purpose. Life is a accident. Humans are the virus. Feed, kill, control, and reproduce. Disgusting. Certainly my life is pointless. All of our lives are pointless. I wish I was never born along with all of you.
-used with permission of eric l. lillieberg-
october 21, 2002:
it's been awhile, so excuse me if i ramble.
having a girlfriend changes a man a great amount. you may soon see that you are not liking the way you are. you begin to realize that you are becoming that exact man that you hate with a passion. jealousy is beyond your control, anymore. you have nothing, but that tad bit of control you claim to have over yourself. but that control means nothing when that vicious jealousy takes over your mind, your soul, your life. your thoughts spin in circles in your miniscule mind that you cherish so much. you cry for forgiveness, but know that jealousy will corrupt your mind once again, to the point that nothing else in life matters, but the preservation of your bond. your trust may grow with each day, but that jealousy still torments you from within. you are nothing without the love of that woman, and would die to preserve that love.
so many things differ in my mind than from the rest of society. i feel as if i must have suffered some brain lapse, due to my early birth, that kept my mind in the early days. i have morals, something that has seemed to die off as society has so-called "evolved". to me, checking out members of the oppossite sex, while in a relationship, is infidelity. going to the bar with friends, and commenting how "hot" the guys, or girls, are, is infidelity. very few people seem to know what loyalty is. that goes for families as well. just go by the bars on a saturday night. you can't tell me that all of those guys, and girls, are single. even if they are, how pathetic is that? those people alone help contribute to the ever growing stupidity of our society. go home and spend time with your wife and kids. you wonder why you're living in that trailer there. take a look at where your money goes every weekend, probably everyday. eh, forget it. just keep on doing what you do, and teach your kids to be a booze hound just like you. what the hell? why not? as long as everyone in this society continues to be a bunch of push-overs, they'll pay your welfare, with no contest.
society is so incredibly messed up. if i had any say, which i probably never will, things would be so completely different. most importantly, all bars and whorehouses, i mean strip clubs, would be closed, boarded up, and burned to the ground. both places are mere conveniences to break away from the stress of the day. if your day is that stressful, you need to fix your life. nothing else can, but yourself. booze and whores are only temporary fixes to make you forget your troubles, for the moment. all these places do is cause trouble. you go to the bar, get drunk, and still think you can drive home. you begin to drive home in your suv (the vehicle that everyone seems to have, but never uses for its purpose), and happen to not notice that car crossing the intersection, even though your light is clearly red. you t-bone the unsuspecting civilian, and mess up not one, but two, possibly more, lives. you really solved your stress problem now, didn't you? and what exactly does a strip club solve? if you need that to get your fix, you might as well end your life, because you are no good to society. what's the appeal? who really wants some slut rubbing her crabs-infested crotch up and down your body? obviously, some people do. let them live their pathetic lives. they'll amount to nothing. i have nothing to worry about.
march 24, 2003:
you never truly realize how much someone means to you until that person is taken away from you. my precious diane has been away from me for three days now, and i miss her more than i ever imagined possible. i have realized how much i honestly love her. i want her in my life forever, and i will do everything within my power to preserve that. i want her to be my wife, someday. i want her to have my children. i want to grow old with her and enjoy all of the many wonders of life. nobody will ever understand how much this stunningly beautiful woman has completed me. i was a broken man before i met her, on the verge of falling into a deep black hole. she brought me back around, so that i could see the joyous world that is around me, instead of pitch black. i have become such a better person, because of her, it is unbelievable. she is such a wonderful person, and i will never let her go. i love you diane, always and forever, until the day i die.
april 3, 2003:
i was recently asked, by my best friend, how i felt about him joining the air force. here's what i have to say about that. this will probably be the first time that his father agrees with me, and my friend doesn't. to join any branch of the military at this time is stupid. to try and be a hero now makes no sense whatsoever. let the heroes who are already out there fighting have their glory, but save yourself. you think the military won't throw you right in the line of fire, with the minimum training possible. you underestimate our government far too much, my friend. don't be so selfish. think about others for once. think of all the family, friends, co-workers, and mere acquaintances, who will face the agony of everyday worrying if you'll make it home or not. think about the future. your wife, your kids, life without the war. now, let's turn things around. suppose you should not make it back. think of all those empty hearts inside of the people who truly know how great you are. think of all the tears that would be shed. enough to flood this very earth, i could say. think of the people trying to fill the void where their wonderful friend, son, brother, grandson, used to be, but never coming close. picture you father, and mother, standing before your grave, their faces drenched with tears, wondering what they could have done to prevent the loss of their son. picture your best friend sobbing over the fact that another great person, in his life, and many others, has been taken away far too soon. finally, look around at all of the people who truly care for you, who would do anything for you. is this really worth leaving and going off and dying for? i hope this shows my perspective on you joining the air force. many people don't want you to go through with it, and i am one of those people. the choice is yours. please choose wisely, for the sake of all of us.
july 14, 2003:
what the hell has happened to me? i have gone from this calm and peaceful jon, and fallen into this abyss of bitterness and hatred. there is something wrong with everything and everyone. i don't know why. there just is. i'm almost the epitome of racism. with the nigger this, and the chink that. where did this all come from? it can not possibly be from the recent events, or all of the stupid customers at the airport. or maybe it can be. maybe it is because affirmative action has corrupted every possible system it could. maybe it is because your test scores don't mean as much as the color of your skin. maybe it is because most companies have to hire a certain percent of "minorities," regardless of their skills, in order to be politically correct. or, for that matter, maybe it's because most companies are afraid to fire a "minority" because they would most likely be charged with being racist, even though the employee was fired legitimately. maybe it's because anywhere i go anymore, i feel like the minority. in any case, something needs to change. maybe i should just move.
archived twisted thoughts:
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