SHOW No. 42 &43. THE DATING GAMESHOW No. 42 &43. THE DATING GAME
WED. FEB 4, 1998 @ Nita's Hideaway
SAT. FEB 7, 1998 @ Hollywood Alley
SONGS:
INTRO: "Spanish Flea"
by Herb Alpert &TJB
VIC's Playbill Comments: ""This is a unique show in the history of the Cabaret Revoltaire and indeed in the history of live music in Arizona. This is the FIRST KNOWN recreation of The Dating Game in words and song and it is a loving tribute indeed. Although we couldn't find a ruffled tuxedo shirt to fit Russ Walton. Still, he eerily recreates Dating Game show host Jim Lang's deadpan delivery. Bonnie Scott is our pretty bachelorette and Shayne Caraway, who helped compile the audio for this historic program, will portray some of the bachelors along with me, VIC MASTERS. Some of the questions and product plugs we've borrowed from the old ABC broadcasts for authenticity's sake. Thanks for leaving your comfortable homes to see the Vic Masters Cabaret Revoltaire. I know you're used to seeing this game show from your favorite armchair but think how much better it will be with your applause and of course, Nita's well stocked bar. If this is your first date with the Cabaret Revoltaire, let it be just the start of so many nights like this. Let's take a lover's vow and seal it with a kiss. I love you ever so much. I only hope you believe me."
COMMENTS: First night at Nita's was disastrous. A busload of people no one ever saw before or after watched the show stoned faced and silent. "Goldfinger was dropped for the second show, which took place on the ViC's sponsored "Night of 1000 Props" and was far more successful. This was one of the first scripted Cabaret Revoltaireshows as you can see by the prep sheet instructions below:
CAST:
Russ Walton as host Jim Lang
Vic Masters as Bachelors 1, 2 & sometimes 3
Bonnie Scott as Agnes Alpert
Shayne Caraway as Vic Crayton
Chris Pomereenke & Reuben's Accomplice as The Coolitnows
Opening music "Don't Go Breaking My heart" goes straight into
The Dating Game cue music (Spanish Flea)
Announcer: It's the Dating Game and here is your host for The Dating Game-- Jim Laaang!
Applause dies , pause mini disc
Russ: (start talking above dying applause) Thank you everyone and welcome to The Dating Game. We've had lots of strange coincidences on our program but never in its history have we had three bachelors and prospective grooms all named Vic participating. (drop voice) And here they are (pause) rrrrright now.
Bachelor number one is a bitterly seasoned music critic whose hobbies including practicing black magic and making life difficult for other people. We'd like you to meet(pause) Vic (pause) Machiavelli!
Applause dies , pause mini disc
Bachelor number two is a something of a renaissance man. He writes poetry, composes songs, plays guitar, presses wild flowers, cooks, sews and he someday hopes to become a marriage counselor so he can help others find the way to more lasting, fulfilling relationships . We'd like you to meet (pause) Vic (pause) Gullant!
Applause dies , pause mini disc
Bachelor number three has been without gainful employment for most of his adult life. He is however, an accomplished fool and an expert on daytime television. He enjoys collecting beer cans, shouting and staring catatonically at people for uncomfortably long periods of time. We'd like you to meet Vic (pause) Crayton (pause)!
Applause dies extremely fast, pause mini disc
One of these three bachelors will be going on a dream honeymoon date with our young lady whom we've kept isolated offstage in a soundproofed room so as not to hear our introductions. May we introduce her to you (pause) rrrrrright now.
Cue music (Gal intro)
Russ: (over the music) She's always been an enthusiastic traveler, in fact she went to school last summer in Mexico. She'd like to enter the teaching profession and make a lot of money. She was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, she loves going out to nite clubs and thinks Long Wongs sucks.We'd like you to meet Agnes Alpert!
Music fades, pause mini disc
Russ: How are you. Great. We here at the The Dating Game believe in love at first sight but unfortunately as the rules dictate, we cannot allow you to see the three gentlemen anxious to date and marry you all in the same night. Agnes, I want you to select the gentleman who best answers the questions you've prepared. So make yourself comfortable in the seat of honor and good luck. Gentlemen, good luck to you too!
Agnes: Bachelor number one, when you take a girl home and you're on the front porch with her, what do you say to prove to her that you're Mister Right?
(lift pause on minidisc)
BACHELOR 1 Well, in these matters I believe the direct approach is always the best. So I'd just lay down the ground rules right away for your unconditional surrender to me:
song (Act Like You're My Baby)
Music fades, pause on minidisc
Agnes: Alrighty then. Bachelor number two, what would you say to me to prove that you're my Mister Right.
(lift pause on minidisc)
BACHELOR 2: Well Agnes, I respect you way too much as a woman to think you could be won over so easily by a flip commentto think a total stranger could be your Mister Right. At best, I'd be your Mister Maybe, and let you make up your own mind.
(insert Mr. Maybe, play live guitar) Music fades, pause on minidisc
Agnes: Bachelor number three, I believe you can tell a lot about a guy by what people nick name him. Do you have any nicknames I should know about?
(lift pause on minidisc)
BACHELOR 3: Well, people call me the Valley Idiot because I like to go to the Circle K and listen to the bell go off when customers go in and out. If only they'd take the time to get to know me.
(song "Valley Idiot") Music fades, pause on minidisc
Agnes: Bachelor number two, while I ask number one and three a question, I'd like you to think of a poem and dedicate it to me, O.K?
BACHELOR 2: O.K. (Dominic shouts from behind curtain)
Agnes: Bachelor number three, how would you describe Bachelor number one?
(lift pause on minidisc song "Goldfinger")
Music fades, pause on minidisc
Agnes: Bachelor number one, how do respond to bachelor number three's claim that you're evil?
(lift pause on minidisc)
BACHELOR 1: First off, Bachelor number three is a FOOL! Is it evil to want the best things in life, is it wrong to want two of everything? I don't think so. If you want the finer things in life, you gotta work twice as hard as the next guy. So Aggie, you'd best sit on my coattails and get ready for the ride of your life!
(song "Twice Nightly") Music fades, pause on minidisc
Agnes: Bachelor number two, I'm ready to hear that poem you're dedicating to me.
(lift pause on minidisc)
BACHELOR 2: O.K. Here it is. It's called "On the Day We Fall In Love".
Music fades, pause on minidisc
Agnes: Bachelor number three, if I pick you , we'll be married in a couple of minutes. How did you prepare yourself to meet me this morning?
(lift pause on minidisc)
BACHELOR 3: Well, I actually threw up several times because I was so nervous. Then I decided to get out of bed and make the best of it.
(song "I Think I Love You") Music stops, pause on minidisc
Agnes: Bachelor number two, can you sing as well as you recite poetry?
(lift pause on minidisc)
BACHELOR 2: Yes I can, and I not only sing but me and my friends, we can dance just as we as we want to. (song "Cool It Now" goes directly into cuckoo clock music
Russ: (over the cuckoo clock music) Agnes, this solemn music means we've run out of time. So we anxiously await your decision. Who will it be your date? Bachelor Bachelor number one, Bachelor number two or Bachelor number three
Agnes: (thinking hard over the music)
Music fades, pause on minidisc
Agnes: Well, Jim, it's a really hard decision. Bachelor number three was allright until he started shouting. But Bachelor two's poem was so beautiful and he said all the right things, he wasn't pushy or anything, so I think I'm going to go with Bachelor number one because he's a creep and if we break up I won't feel so bad.
Russ: (shout euphorically) BACHELOR NUMBER ONE!
(lift pause on minidisc, APPLAUSE)
Russ: (OVER DYING APPLAUSE) Agnes, I hope you're very happy with your decision to send bachelors two and three packing. (two extras come out)
(pause on minidisc)
But don't worry gentlemen. You've both contributed a lot of fun to the festivities this evening so we're sending you packing in style with this handsome and modern two suiter made by the Samsonite corporation. (hands the men luggage) It's designed with hidden locks, strong light magnesium frames and scuff and stain resistant finish. I know you'll get great use out of it. Thank you very much Vic and you too Vic. (men fight over luggage) Now, Agnes, let's bring out your date and surprise groom (pause) rrrrrrrright now.
(lift pause on minidisc, Spanish Flea music, let minidisc ride out)
As you heard earlier, he's a pathological liar and enjoys painting women with gold enamel and watching them die. What you didn't know is that he's also a rock critic and black magic practitioner. Agnes, say hello to Vic (pause) Machiavelli!
(insert Aggie) -------end----------------