Scene 05: A Streetcar Named Power
2:15PM. A streetcar stop in South Park.
[Chef walks away from the streetcar stop. He has only walked a few steps when he sees a streetcar
coming his way. On top of the streetcar is an LCD sign that reads "Power".]
[The streetcar door opens and a figure emerges. It is Britney Spears in a neon pink floral sundress. She walks towards Chef.]
Britney
Hello, sir.
Chef
Oh hi, Miss Spears. How do you do?
Britney
Call me Britney. [pause] I'm so happy! Where are you going?
Chef [looking yearningly in the other direction]
Home. You?
Britney
Back to the hotel. [Britney flutters her eyelashes and giggles incessantly.]
I'm, well, taking a streetcar named Power, then switch to,
like, another one called Corruption, and arrive at—Dominion Hotel!
Chef
How was your special party?
Britney [makes hand gestures]
It was really special. The fans were really sweet and supportive of me, yeah. [Tilts
her head, like she always does in her posters.]
Chef
You know what, Britney? I've got to get going— [Chef starts to walk away.]
Britney [shouting and waving her arms like crazy]
Wait, wait! [Chef reluctantly turns back. Britney moves closer to Chef than before. She
has a shy, demure expression on her face. Chef can now smell the whiff of perfume emanating
from Britney.] Can you......smell anything?
Chef [looking somewhat nauseated]
Umm......sort of.
Britney
I'm using Bottled Pretension® Perfume. This scent is called Pretty. An admirer of mine gave
it to me!
Chef
He must have had a lot of—admiration!
Britney [bats her eyelashes]
And so do I; you know, a lot of guys think I'm pretty.
Chef [with a hint of sarcasm]
Your looks are OK.
Britney [her eyes light up]
Thank you, sir! [pause] Anyways, I'm practicing a song for my next concert.
It goes like this:
[Britney begins to tap the beat to the song.]
Britney [sings breathlessly and off-key, while flinging her hair and batting her eyelashes]
Voulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir?
Voulez-vous couchez avec moi?
Voulez-vous couchez avec moi?
Voulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir?
Chef [looking all around the streetcar station]
Listen Britney......I better go now......
Britney [stopping him with a baby voice]
Sirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
[He turns once again, looking as if he was about to diss up somebody, and turns back.
Britney, of course, does not get the signal and goes on doing her thang.]
Britney [runs toward Chef and speaks in an exxxxxxaggeratingly sexxxxxxy voice]
Sir, has anyone told you that you're so mannnnnly and sexxxxxxy? Come here, I want to give
you a special kiss, just one kiss. Nobody in South Park has been kissed by me before!
[Without waiting for Chef to accept, Britney presses (or should I say pushes) her lips to his.
The kiss evolves into an full-blown French kiss, and there is the sound of shuffling a pocket to find stuff.]
Chef [aside]
Must......resist......evil......p...power......G......Ganondorf......! [He faints.]
[Britney just stands there at the streetcar stop as if nothing had happened. Soon, a streetcar named
"Corruption" arrives at the stop. Britney goes on the streetcar.]
[Night falls. There is no noise in South Park, save for a horrible, echoing laugh flooding through the town.
No one has any real idea who that psycho is or whatever that psycho is laughing about, but all agree that she mentioned the word Triforce.]
[Fade to black.]
Previous Scene: Triforce Of Miseducation | Next Scene: Witness
Return To Main Page
Send praise mail to <nabooru@dangerous-minds.com> OR hatemail to <ganonpuff@iname.com>
Evil Rebirth is written by Miseducation on March 18, 1999.
South Park & characters ©1999 Comedy Central.
The Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina Of Time & characters ©1998 Nintendo.