I think it's about time we had another cult commit mass suicide. Those Heaven's Gates people made me laugh.
Sam Anderson showed me a picture of this "swell, fly girl" (as he put it). Well, let's just say I didn't find her to be "swell" or "fly". And so I've decided to share her picture with you and show you why I didn't find her "swell"/"fly" and prove to you that Sam would do just about anything with or without two legs.
Now, am I right or am I right? Sam is totally trippin'! Now this is my kinda woman:
Don't act like you wouldn't hit that. You be trippin', foo!
Jill's cousins say "Howdy".
Why haven't you gotten N.E.R.D.'s In Search Of...?! It's hip-hop at it's finest.
Who the hell told Nelly it would be a good idea to make a song about Nike shoes?! Hey, Nelly it was acceptable(and cool) when it was called "My ADIDAS" by RUN DMC. And they didn't do it because ADIDAS(or in your case NIKE) offered them a couple million. Sell out.
Speaking of sell-outs it's good to see that Papa Roach are doing it do. That shows that record sells are down because less people care about Cobey's "Broken Home". Oh shucks!
New Years Eve is tomorrow. And I have yet to figure out what I'll be doing. Anyone wanna hang out?
I have to dress like a freakin' chickenn tomorrow at work so I can lure people into Le Peep with my seductive chicken-like moves. Stop buy tomorrow during the parade. We're on Mountain View just south of Indian School. I'm so gonna get some. WHAT!
Wicky wick wick!! Hawd cawr!
Anyone know if Axl Rose's period ended yet?
I doubt I'll be updating tomorrow, although I will try. But, if I don't get a chance, I would like to thank you all for help FANTOMBOX last yet another year. I've had this site running for over 5 years now. It's been through changes and I've improved the look of it a few times. It still looks like crap, but it's better than what it was like on Expages. You all are the only reason I do this. You give me feedback on how funny it is and that keeps me coming back to give you more. In 2003 I will have much more STUPIDITY to make up for the slacking on that section. I love you all and I thank you for everything. HAPPY (early) NEW YEARS!!
Did I mention I hate George Lucas now? I think if I could go back in time and tell the younger George Lucas how much of a rip off of his younger self he is now. Start Wars only sells tickets now because of the name STAR WARS. Not because of the quality of the movie. Episode III better make me wet or I'll join the mafia and whack Lucas myself.
E-mail my father and tell him to QUIT SMOKING or you'll steal his bonzai tree!
Just to prove my dad loves his Bonzai Tree. Here is what he says about them:
mithril uo: When you walk past them, they slap you in the balls and go "bonzai".
DreamVoice777: Country ROCKS!
That doesn't make sence to me...
I just realized I have yet to mention my new baby brother. His name is William Randolph Wiley. Hey kid. Welcome to this odd family. I love my odd family, though. I'll post a picture of him soon.
If you haven't gotten The Dilinger Escape Plan with Mike Patton album entitled Irony Is A Dead Scene yet then, my friend, you are tripping! I didn't like it a first but after another listen, I now find that it gives me that funny feeling in my tummy. I mean, it has Mike Patton. The guy is a musical genious! Check out one of his many bands.
Jani and I ate at T.G.I. Friday's tonight. Very fun. Great food. Many laughs. Thanks, Jani.
The Rolling Stones could kick any bands ass that is being played on Mtv. Plus they can handle large amounts of drugs that would usually make an Mtv band OD. Hmmmm...maybe Good Charlotte and The Stones should have a shooting up contest then.
Someone has lost it.
Is Axl still on his period? I thought those things only lasted 5 days to a week?
Remember this if you ever go into a resteraunt. If your food doesn't get out to you exactly when you want it...IT'S NOT THE F*CKING WAITER'S FAULT! IT'S THE COOKS' FAULT!!! I DON'T MAKE THE FOOD! I JUST TAKE YOUR ORDER AND BRING IT TO YOU WHEN IT IS DONE!!! And if you take it out on me one more time just because I'm not a uptight prick in a shitty suit who brings his slutty little secretary/mistress to a resteraunt and treats to her to a meal so she thinks I'm not in it just for the "working late" with her, then I'm gonna give you that diet coke in enema form instead of in a glass!!!!
That felt good to get off my sexy chest.
Robert (A.R.S.B.) is still in Afghanistan. He told me that a taliban prisoner on his base threw a shoe at him. I would have capped his ass fo' sho'!.
Is Mariah Carey crazy again yet?
Slipknot have just announced that they will start working on their latest and final record in January. Fat kids with no girlfriends are all devistated.
The Black Crowes may or may not be broken up for good according to lead singer Chris Robinson. I'm devistated. If you don't know who they are, then you don't know rock music, my friend.
Help stop Michael Jackson from throwing more babies over balconies. Do your part.
Apparently Emily Stone is my mother...literally.
Remember: Pop Punk is not cool.
Once again, there is plently of tripping to be had. Someone needs to buy me Young Frakenstien on DVD.
Well, I'm off to bed. I have work in the morning. I'll think about updating tomorrow. One love, freaks.
Well, lemme tell you what that ol' fat tub of crap brought me. A couple of DVDs, CDs, socks (to cover my you-know-what), and a pony. I named the pony Mittens. Mittens is silly. We go riding and I feed him carrots. I love Mittens.
To all of you who think The Sex Pistols and Ramones started punk, you're tripping on balls. The Stooges and MC5 are the kings of punk, biotch! Get their albums and stop your tripping!
I got Shaft on DVD. Jealous? Yeah, I knew it.
I wish I knew Michael Jackson. I bet he gives some wicked gifts to young males for Christmas.
Here is the quote of the day:
DreamVoice777: You have no idea how happy I am to be done with Pooh
She may be talking about Winnie the Pooh or maybe she just spells "poo" with an "h". The world may never know...
Jani gave me this cd of children songs with the name Brandon in the lyrics. It rocks. Thank you, Jani. You never fail to make me laugh until I wet my panties. Jealous?
Quote #2 of the day:
DreamVoice777: I like running over the hookers
That's all I have to say. Merry Christmas.
Tomorrow is Christmas, children. Wake up real early and make a lot of noise so your parents get pissed and beat your a$$ for Christmas.
The tripping is finally over! Someone got smart and bought me Taxi Driver. Thank you Jani. Much love to you. Incase you all didn't know. Jani is the sweetest thing since sugar and jelly.
Now someone needs to buy me Season 1 and 2 of The Simpson. It's a little expensive but I'll be glad you did.
When Michael Jackson isn't molesting little boys, dropping babies off balconies, and making horrible records....no wait....that's all he's been up to lately. Can someone please tell me who actually had sex with him? My brain is bleeding.
Emily Stone is in Hawaii growing a cocain mustache with fat guys in hulla skirts. I salute thee...
Santa Clause isn't real.
Who let Mariah Carey put out a new record?!
I'm wearing lace panties.
Jani is Mexican. That makes her better than you, whitey.
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas. Come back tomorrow and I might have updated and posted a couple of pictures. I doubt it but I'll try. G'night.
I ate at Fudruckers today. Fudruckers. That sounds so dirty. I told the stupid chick at the counter that I wanted a 1 lbs burger and she kept saying half a pound. I wanted to grind her fat head into burger meat and eat that instead. I only ate half the burger.
Saw Winnie The Pooh: A Christmas Tale today at VYT. Cute show. Rabbit rocked it. Pooh was fat. Piglet was tripping.
The Dillinger Escape Plan EP(Irony is A Dead Scene) with Mike Patton is the sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeot! It took me a couple of listens to get into it but now it rocks my body.
Anyone remember Kelly Clarkson? Yeah, me either.
If you still don't own an album by the Pixies, you are tripping on balls.
Christmas is 2 days away and no one has hooked me up with Taxi Driver yet.
Lipsticked: Brandon is a lard-ass honkey.
Axl Rose is still on his period. Somebody get him a Tampax so he'll bring Slash, Izzy, and Duff back in the band.
Somebody please buy me a new car.
Somebody please fix my power steering.
I will give hot man loving to the person who gets me front row tickets to the Rolling Stones' concert here in Phoenix. 2nd row gets you a chance to feel me up.
I got a bootleg of Jane's Addiction's last show with all the original members. It makes me feel all hot and bothered. But Perry talks about his "dick" too much in between songs. I mean, so what if he played completly naked at the show. He didn't have to talk about it. That's the problem with sex these days. Too much talking. Especially in movies. No talking! Just get with the ramming! And no ugly chicks!
When did Rosie O'Donell turn into a Flock of Seagulls fan/bulldike? Did I miss the memo?
I'm 19 now. Only 2 more years and I'll have a better excuse to attend AA meetings other than to pick up chicks.
Dianne thinks I do cocain. She just wants in on the action.
Emily Stone says that I want her. She wants me to want her.
Pop Punk is as fun as sticking your sack in a juicer.
Will somebody please stop buying Sum 41 albums. Maybe they'll go back to Canada and masterbate to Blink 182 again.
And who in the hell is letting those two ass pokers from Good Charlotte host the "Everything Rock Countdown" on Mtv?! What do they know of rock? They dress like they're in a goth-glam band and play industry pop punk. Not cool.
And will someone please put that fat ass bass player from New Found Glory on a treadmill?! I'm sick of his stupid face! It was little funny at first, but now want to slam a baseball bat into it. I want to see him bleed. I wanna kill the rest of the band too, but not as much as chubsy.
Well, Emily wants me to wrap this up so she can get all hot and bothered by reading this. Adios skankos!
Speaking of tripping, Axl Rose is totally tripping. Apparently his head got fat and caught up with the rest of his body. He shat himself and canceled the rest of the current tour. Already had he missed first show of the tour(in Canada of all places!) because he was "still on his airplane." Those crazy Canadians rioted after seeing the signs that read "show canceled" only an hour before the doors were set to open, eh. A couple of shows later he canceled a couple of shows, and then his period started causing him to cancel the whole tour. Damn, and I had two tickets to see Axl and his Guns N Roses cover band, too.
In other Axl B.S., he's still working on the long awaited Chinese Democracy album. He's been working on it since the mid-90's. I doubt we'll ever hear it and I'm starting to believe it must be crap since it lacks Slash, Izzy, and Duff. Plus, now Axl's voice sounds more like a cat getting an enema.
If you wanna sex radiating from all directions come see me in The Little Mermaid. The actors in this show are amazing and very professional. I don't think I've laughed as much with a cast as I have with them. This chick who plays my mother(The Great Mother) cracks me up and causes me to piss my pants on a regular basis. I've grown used to it and find it soothing. She reminds me of the female version of me. Except funnier and more attractive. Although I do like to look at my pretty face in the mirror and say, "Yo, baby, lemme hit it."
Don't forget to see The Little Mermaid, kiddies. Go to VYT.com for the dates and times. Don't screw this one up.
I saw Lord of The Rings on Friday night. It was pretty word. I saw it at a drive-in theatre. I thought that would rock. Wrong. I was freezing my cajones off and plus the wind shield kept fogging up and it got blurry after whiping it down repeatedly. But the animations look real, for once in a movie. I think George Lucas(may he one day rot in hell) should take a few tips from these guys. I'm not a Star Wars geek, but I think the last two were complete shit. Yoda looked like shit. The wang who played Anakin acted as good as shit. The plot was shit. The animation was shit. George Lucas's brain has turned to shit. The End. Shit.
If you don't own a Murder City Devil's album, then you're tripping on balls.
Nick Carter thinks he has "funky-fresh" music now that he can play 2 chords on accoustic guitar and paid a bunch of "musicians" to be in his "band". Let's hope he hits rehab soon like his life partner AJ did.
My cat is taking a poo under a tree. Cats look funny when they do that...
Christmas is 2 days away. You better get to Best Buy and get me Taxi Driver on DVD. Don't trip, just do.
Speaking of Christmas, what is the "big toy" this year? Remember Tickle My Anus Elmo? The Robot Love Slave Dog? Bring on the Brandon Blow Up Doll!
I saw previews for the new Terminator movie and I about creamed my pants.
I also saw the previews for Bad Boys II. I creamed again.
I saw previews for Dumb & Dumber: When Harry Met Loyd. I didn't cream my pants. The lack of Jim Carey and Jeff Daniels proves that somebody is tripping in Hollywood.
Well, I must go Christmas shopping with Jani. Peace putas.
Gonna see Guns N Roses on the 22nd of this month. Rock it shall. I mean, sure its basically a GNR cover band with Axl Rose as the lead singer, but damnit, its AXL! Sure I miss Slash and Izzy and the rest, but they have Buckethead! If you don't know who that is, well, I pity you. Actually, I don't. You're lazy.
Well, that's it for now. I know I've been slacking lately on the updates but I have other things. I promise I will have new STUPIDITY soon. Just give me some time to make more. So be on the lookout for that and until then, stay black.
SOCCER7GRL: my friend mike said he's making you an honorary fag (he's gay).. he said you rock his crotch because of when you were posing in front of that sign last year... just thought you'd like to know
Check out Har Mar Superstar!
Saw Mindless Self Indulgence. That show was crazy. Two very anus enjoying bands opened up for them. The first sleeper was Opiate For The Masses. Bunch of geeks who love jock rock and try to look punk but come off looking like the typical nu-metal band that you children hear on the radio and Mtv day in and day out. Horrible band. Made me sick. Literally. Especially when the bass player decided it would be "punk rock" to vomit off the front of the stage at the end of their set. Yeah, that was just lame. I mean, this dude has chicks screaming that they wanted him. And he blew it(and no f*cking pun itended)! I don't know why they wanted him. He had a big tattoo of Yoda's head in center of his chest. What a nerd. And plus the lead singer looked like a nu-metal Mark Magrath, which is just as bad as Yoda boy.
Then our good buddies who wish they were Orgy hit the stage after a 30 min wait while the speakers blasted the first Ludacris cd. Yes, you guessed it. This Orgy wannabe is none other than the band whose lead singer is Cher's son himself, Deadsy. Only fans they had were ugly fat chicks wearing those gay plastic white chains that they bought from Home Depo. Sluts. Well, they sucked just as much as they sucked the first time I saw them.
Then FINALLY Mindless Self Indulgence his the stage. Rocked, rocked, rocked, and rocked. The crowd was a bit out of hand and made me lose my spot right behind this hot chick, but I eventually got over that and enjoyed the show. I'm telling you, if you havn't seen this band in concert, you should. Even if you think the music sucks. The show makes up for it. But, they weren't teh best part of the show. The best part was someone's Dad in the balcony screaming for him to leave because aparently he didn't like MSI and what they were about. I had a good laugh at the Dad and he didn't seem to enjoy that much. All was going well until the guitarist, Steve Righ?, decided it would be funny to shoot of a fire extinguisher into the audience. And this wasn't the kind that shot of the cold stuff. No way, this had to be the kind that shoots off that powdery crap that burns if you breathe it in. Yeah, that sucked. People were falling to the ground and gagging. But, all in all, it was a great show. Seriously, check these fools out. Non-stop movement onstage from MSI. They were tackling each other, jumping off things, climbing on things, letting us spit on them, stealing camera's from the audience and taking the pictures for them. The new bass player, Lyn-Z stage dove at the end of the show and I put my hand up to catch her and I'll be damnded if I didn't get to handfulls of boobs. That was humorous. An accident, though. I mean, would you have rather let her land on he and hurt the both of us? I didn't think so. No, wait, you said yes?
Then came the Vanessa Carlton show. Wow, what a beautiful voice. And she is so gorgeous. I don't know what to say about this show other than I would let he play my piano anyday. And yeah, call me gay if you want, but don't front and say she can't sing because you know that would be some major tripping on your part. She wants to be a rock star so bad. If you saw her and her band do their cover of The Rolling Stones' "Paint It Black" you could tell that she just wants to rock out like a hot chick should. Oh, and didn't I mention she said a couple of potty words. Yep, good ol' Vanessa said "...freazing our asses off..." and "...a thousand fucking miles..." I had to underline those for those of you who don't catch on easily.
Then came the show I was in called Who Shot The Sheriff. We kicked that show's ass. Great show but I had to bring the pain with all my mad add libs. We rocked, you should have been there, you'll regret it when I'm making movies and you're the Assistant Manager at Jack In The Box.
Then came the big show. The show to end all muffriggin' shows. You know who it is. It's the man with Party in the title of 3 of his songs on his debut album. That's right, Andrew WK. Oh, did this show rock like no other. I used to hate this guy but I'm glad I gave him a chance. He is the nicest guy in the world. I just wish there wasn't an opening band. Some bone digging AZ band called Stereotyperiter bored the hell out of the audience before Andrew and his band came out and rocked us like it was his job or something. Oh, wait, it is. And I'm telling you, he's damn good at his job. Only thing good about the first band was the fact they had only 2 fans. And these 2 fans were totally smashed. It was some dude and his girlfriend and they must had had about 2 kegs before the show. They were screaming and dry humping(doggy style). And when me and this awesome girl Leti tried to take a picture of them, that drunk chick jumped on her boyfriend's shoulders and flashed those huge, scary breasts at us. And the he walked right up to Leti and the poor girl had that drunk chick's boobs hovering right above her head. But, I swear at least 20 flashes from camera's went off when those boobs came out to say hello and then some. Yeah, I got a picture. I'm sorry though, I deleted it. I wasn't like those other dude's there and just had to get a picture of boob's because I'm a horny, perverted loser who never gets chicks. Sorry to dissapoint you, Sam Anderson. Anyway, Andrew was the man and I got many pictures and a couple of short videos. I will definetly be adding them soon. Maybe in the STUPIDITY section, although it wasn't a really stupid thing. Well, I think it was stupid for these kids to get onstage during the show and head band and play air guitar. I'm sorry (actually I'm not), but you do NOT play a damn air guitar! Anywhere! Not even at home!! Don't get me started on air bass, air drums or air keyboard! But it was cool when half the club got onstage during Party Hard. That was fun. I even got a couple of picures of that. It was crazy. They were supposed to play one more song but I think it got a little out of hand. But nothing was broken. Well....I think Andrew's keyboard got unplugged or something. Oh, and I got to sing part of the chorus to She Is Beautiful. I'm sure you don't care but that's just because you're a jealous little prick. But I love you either way. But you need to change. I can't go on living like this! I need my space. Thanks.
Well, now onto the last paragraph. I'm now in another play. Don't laugh at this one. It's called The Litte Mermaid. Yeah, that's right. You read right. And it's not that lame Disney version. It's the original one. About 200 people auditioned and there were only 12 parts. And that's right, I rocked it up to the last auditions and got the Sea King. So I'm Pearl's father. Arial is the name of the little mermaid in the Disney version, but in this on it's Pearl. And there is no rasta crap and his gay lover the blow fish. I think his name was puff or huff or something like that. Anyway, it doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm slowly taking over this town. So don't get in my way or I'll....politely ask you to stepa side and let me pass.
Oh, one more thing, I have to mention some people whom I met at the Andrew WK concert because they were nice to me and didn't make the time before and in between bands suck. Thanks to Leti, Josh and the rest of their friends who provided entertainment, conversation and didn't make me feel like I was alone at a concert like I have been at the past 5 I have been to since I've moved here to Phoenix. Very nice people. Thank you.
OK, I am done now. Hope your eyes don't burn. Later...Oh wait, have a Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow!
Yesterday was a good day. Rehearsal for the show was fun. When I was doing a prat fall, I ripped the back of my jeans and no one noticed it until I got back onstage. That was embrassing. So, I taped it up and went on my gay litte way. During rehearsals it hailed and they were the size of marbles. That was cool, except for when I was walking to my car and for some reason I looked up. That was a mistake.
Then, I went to Deser Ridge Plaza and hung out with Viga. Very nice girl. Great conversations and lots of fun. Well, except when I saw her car. I forget exactly what it was, but it was a 2002. I was sad. It made me not want to look at my car again. Damn 1986 Volvo 240. But, I think I would rather drive my car than take city transportation. That's fo' sho'! Oh, and while I was there, I once again spent money on a cd and shirt and I shouldn't have. Stupid me.
Oh, and you think the fun stopped there? Oh, nymy friend, I think not. When I departed with my dear friend, I headed straight for the Stone Temple Pilot's concert. Oh yeah, and it gets better. There was no opening acts. I was happier than a whore on payday. But, I did have some good entertainment before the show. Drunk people and those who f*ck with their minds provided much entertainment until STP hit the stage. The show was good except for the cavemen and jocks who wanted to mosh and move to the front, instead of getting there early like the rest of us did. For those of you who like to take your shirt off and show off your sweaty body to other men while pushing them around in a very homosexual way, let me just say that I hope your the next person to die at a concert. But, before you attend your next concert, please look over the Buddyhead Rules for Audiences of Rock. They make very good points that you need to follow to make the concert enjoyable for everyone, especially those of us who paid good money to watch these musicians play this amazing music. If you wanna get drunk and wrestle with other men, then I reccomend staying home and probing your boyfriend's anus. Oh, and pay special attention rule #11 that states "Anybody who utters the word MOSH PIT deserves to die." I won't even comment on how many times I've wished the deaths of those who mosh. Why do these people come to concerts to rub all over other men? I don't know, but that just seems a bit....homosexual. I got tickets to see Mindless Self Indulgence on Halloween. Wicky wick, bitches!
Later...
But, I did she a really bad movie. This movie looked good because it had a decent looking cast, with the exception in Vin Deisel. But I decided to give the guy a chance even though he has yet to make a good movie. This movie was Knockaround Guys. What a peice of shit!! Sorry, but that's the only way to describe it. I was so bored throughout that movie. It was an unoriginal mafioso movie. I do not reccomend this movie to you unless you want increase your hatred for ol' Vinny boy.
I recently bought the movie Insomnia on DVD, and let me say that if you havn't seen this movie yet, well, my friend, then you're....i'll be nice and just say get out there and rent/buy it! All I have to say is that it has Robin Williams and Al Pacino.
Work has been great lately. Well, I'm not in the mood to say much more right now. Just go buy some records by Sparta, Eyes Adrift, Murder City Devils, Pixies, Social Distortion, Flogging Molly, The Icarus Line, Loudermilk and The Mars Volta. Oh, and get the new Beck album! And while you're at it, send me naked pictures of yourself(no dudes!).
Well, I'm done for now. I'm tired. Work is going well. So, wish me luck for tomorrow. Peace honkeys.
From "Disappointed Long-time Watcher"
As an outsider, I came across your website by accident quite some time ago. I've been watching it since then because I thought it was fresh, hip, and somewhat funny. Unfortunately, as time has progressed, it began to sink into a mire that has gotten worse as it went on.
As a writer, I'm always interested in fresh ideas, and creative minds. When this site first appeared to me, I looked at it, usually with a grin, because of it's unique, and sometimes warped, perspective on the world at large. Over the past year or so, it has become more foul and so explicit that the humor has become more of a degradation of women and others that it no longer warrants any merit whatsoever. The constant use of "fuck, shit", and other language has become so used and widespread that it vastly overshadows whatever merit and creativity that is left. I wonder, since the owner of this site is obviously somewhere between the ages of 16 and 20, if parents and/or grandparents would be ashamed or appalled by the content that has continue to surface from the sewers. A recent entry concerning a mimic website referred to having sex with that websites owner's girlfriend. What issue is satisfied by threatening a non-participant's well-being in order to punish another? Unfortunately, this sounds almost like the same logic that one applies in some religions by killing the wife of a man that rapes another woman. If this is an attempt at humor, it falls way too short of the mark, and simply becomes the slander of someone that once showed much potential in being a very creative writer.
As with too many comedians in todays marketplace, the writer of this site has sunk to the constant use of sexual innuendo and sewer language in order to express himself (I'm assuming male gender due to the way the text is presented).
Where, at points during the life of this site, some solid humor was used via pictures and storyline with those pictures, you've lost your edge. I'm sure you won't have the courage to post this on your site for fear of having to face the issue that it's not as good as you think it is. I would even venture to think that some of your friends that have shared use of your site have even lost some interest. Sad, because it was, again, once one of the freshest sites on the web.
And then this person went on to leave me a suggestion.
Lose the constant sexual innuendo. Lose the constant vulgarity. The constant sarcasm of how everything else around you is stupid and beneath you only reflects on some shallowness and insecurities on your part. Get back to the view you had that everything had some humor and some quirks. You once had the ability to express yourself without the language and sexual content. No one cares about your views on strippers, except adolescent teens that find it darkly funny. Times have changed, my friend, and you need to face that. As one of many that constantly scour the web for new faces and freshness, I would strongly suggest that you go back, clean up the previous entrys that you've made over the past few months. Ask yourself if you would want your family reading this. I would think you would find that, if they did, you would be highly embarrassed, and they would be highly offended AND embarrassed, not to mention disappointed.
Show the talent you once displayed. Quit believing that the only way you can express yourself and be heard is by copying countless others who think that sex and foul language is the cure-all.
I will remain anonymous and continue to monitor. Hopefully, improvement will come and I will be able to offer something more positive for the webiste, and maybe you in the future. Good luck.
A very good point by this person. I have allowed myself to become more and more vulgor and I'm starting to sound ridiculous.
First off, I would like to apologize to the person or people who run FANTOMBOX.com for saying what I did and asking people to harass them. It was wrong. It was also immature. It's just a stupid name. Who cares if you happened to name your site the same thing. If people can't distinguish the two sites, then they need mental help. I was out of hand for what I did, and I'm sorry.
Second, I need to tone down the explicite language. I don't need to cuss, talk about sex, and other obscene materials in order to get laughs. I apologize for anyone who has been offended by anything I've ever said. I'll tone it down for now on.
Third, my spelling sucks. So, just ignore my spelling and gramatical errors. I have numerous ones and I don't have the time to go back and fix them all. That would take years. I guess not paying attention in English class is catching up with me.
But, I would seriosly like to thank the above person. I may know you and just not know that it's you but either way, you have a good point. Thank you. I will keep that in mind from no on. I'm glad someone pointed that out. I just hope you're legit about who you say you are. But, either way, thank you.
FANTOMBOX: i just like to juggle flaming vibrators
DiamondRain69: I didn't know you could juggle
She's not so amazing of what I juggle and she is the fact that she just learned that I can juggle. No, Heather, I can't juggle. But, for you, I will learn. And if you can round up some unused vibrators, I will set them aflame and juggle them for you.
Well, that chick who I said had to kiss me in the play I'm in, it turns out she's not 12. She's a sophmore in high school. Still, that's a little young, but not as scary.
I have a "fan" now. And he says I'm "special". But he claims its not in a homosexual way. But then he claims I would enjoy it if he was. So I think he's secretly trying to get into my pants. I'm not down with that, dude. E-mail him and he'll love you for free. Other than his flaming ways, he's a cool guy. So, give him some love back.
I FINALLY found another job. Well, they called me. Le Peep. Yes, that's right, it's called Le Peep. Sounds like a strip club, right? Yeah, well it's not. Too bad though. Chillin' with strippers like P. Diddy. Oh yeah, all is well until they turn the black lights off and the house lights up. AAAAAAAAH! That's when strippers get ugly. Yes, you just learned something new. These chicks cake on the make-up and then you only see them under a black light. Hell, even Michael Jackson would look sexy under a black light. Oh, and yes, I know this all because I've been to a strip club....once. But still I went. More than you losers can say. That was wrong of me to say. Just because you havn't had some lady put her goods in your face, doesn't make you a loser. Oh, yeah, unless you're Sam Anderson. He claims he's messed around with chicks and that they've sent him naked pictures. But I think the messing around is just him and his Jergins and the naked pictures are just gay porn he stole from some website. Disgusting. Nah, Sam is my little white homey who happens to look black. Love the guy.
Back to Le Peep, it's a nice resteraunt I'll be a server at. Should be fun and interesting. Meet people and get tips. What else can you ask for....well, maybe a good looking stripper. Just wait, none of you rappers will have shit on me when I hit Hollywood. They'll be like, "Yo, B-Dawg, hit us up on one of yo' partayz." And I'll be all, "Naw, son. You iz trippin' too much. You be all down and say that you be real. But raping about your ice and then about the hood, that ain't real, dawg." And then they'll cap my ass. I always get capped in those situations. Word.
There's a Stone Temple Pilots show in Phoenix in about a month. It's only $10. That's right. Ten Dollars. That's all. This half-Jew will be there. Plus, The Strokes, Les Claypool's Flying Frog Brigade, and Jerry Cantrell are coming here within the next 2 months. Me getting a job couldn't have come any sooner. Now I can buy tickets to all of these and sleep with the band memebers and make molds of their penises. I can make dildos with the molds. I can see it now. Scott Wieland's penis will have track marks all over it. The Strokes' penises will be all deformed from all the drugs. Les Claypool and Jerry Cantrell's penises will....I don't know about them, but we'll see what comes out...of their pants! Wow, this is getting a little gay. I need to get back to chicks or something.
Speaking of chicks. I was supposed to hang out with a few on Friday night. That didn't happen. They stood me up. Thanks, girls. That was sweet of you. But, that's cool. It just shows me how much they wanna be my friends. No big deal. I'm past it. Negativity is not what I need to dwell on at this time in my life.
The new Beck cd is out today. It's called Sea Change and I've pretty much downloaded the whole thing off the internet. But, being that I'm a big Beck fan and his new cd is definetly one of his best, I'll be buying it sometime in the afternoon after I take a shower and do a few lines(that's a cocain joke for all you morons). OK, I'll do the lines later. After you kiss my ass. Thanks. I think I said to kiss my ass about 3 journal entires ago. What's with that. Do I really want to you kiss it, or am I just running out of things to say to you people? Yeah, you're right, neither. Go buy the new Beck album! It's great! Rolling Stone gave it 5 out of 5 stars and they usually only do that for the always redneck Bruce Springsteen and always cooler than your mama Bob Dylan.
Speaking of Bob Dylan, what ever happned to his son's (Jacob Dylan) lame ass band, The Wallflowers? Remember them? What a boring band. That band would not be around if Jacob's dad was so talented and famous. How could Jacob ever live up to a guy who has an album called Blonde On Blonde? I would buy that album just for the name. But, knowing Bob Dylan, it probably has nothing to do with blonde lesbians. What a shaft! But Jacob needs to go away and let his dad do all the music in the family. Jacob can just go back to his gay porn flicks.
If you're down with this jock rock and bling bling rap that's raping your ears on the radio and your eyes on Mtv, then you need to realize that it's shit. I just sold and gave away so many of my crap albums because they don't stand for anything good and don't have a message other than "I hate you, so lets break stuff and masterbate a lot." You know, bands like Limp Bizkit, Sugar Ray(the last 2 albums), Fuel(the latest album), Creed, etc. Bands that were good and then turned out to be a mockery of themselves by the time their second album came out. Man, Limp Bizkit used to be cool. That is until Fred Durst started grabbing his nuts and wishing he was cool enough to be in the Wu-Tang clan. And Creed was good until Scott Stapp starting thinking he was Jesus. Although, I will say that their first album is good. That's mainly because Scott's ego doesn't overpower the music on that one. And the rest of the cds I got rid of, well, that's just mainly because I'm sick of them and they bore me. Oh, yeah, stop listening to "emo" and this poppy punk garbage. Trust me, you'll feel better. And less homosexual. Go get some true classic music like Hall&Oats sing along to some great tracks like "Lady Killer" and "Hall Kissed Oats".
Well, I'm getting tired now. I have too much free time this week, so I should be adding a few more journal entries. Peace, love and the clap. Later...
Tomorrow I find out if I made the play I auditioned for on Saturday. I'm looking forward to that.
Yeah, well I'm done. Sorry. I'm not in a humorous mood right now.
The Top 5 List of....
Chris Scheuerman said..
5. The flute girl from American Pie
4. The bowler from Mystery Men
3. Carol Sawyer
2. My friend's little sister
1. What's Daniel's sis's name?
NOTE: This one just scared me. Not a good one to start off with.
Rebecca Blanchard said..
5. Ewan McGregor
4. This guy in my orchestra class
3. This guy in my german class
2. Edward Norton
1. Corey
NOTE: I think she should just strip down and take those guys from those classes and pork 'em until the next semester. I mean, you know she sits in that class and thinks, "Damn, I wanna touch that weiner schnitzel!"
Angela Phillips said..
5. Johnny Depp
4. Daniel Johns
3. Brandon Wiley
2. My Boyfriend
1. Brandon Boyd
NOTE: Oh yeah, I'm on this list! But then again, so is Daniel Johns...well, that just defeats the whole purpose. I would never do a chick who would want to do that guy. Sex with Australians who want to be Nirvava is just pathetic. She might as well want to do those other Aussie-Nirvava wannabe's The Vines.
Kellie Trent said..
5. Brandon Stanbery
4. Josh Hartnett
3. Usher
2. Robert Sharp
1. N*SYNC
NOTE: Probably the most homosexual list here. No offence to a fellow Brandon, but he got shafted and was put on a list with shit.
Tiffany Martin said..
5. Brandon Wiley
4. Brandon Wiley
3. Vin Diesal
2. Brad Pitt
1. Brandon Wiley
NOTE: Number 2 might as well be me too, because Brad and I were both born on Dec 18th. Oh yeah, I'm the shit.
Abby Wright said..
5. Dave Mathews
4. James Dean
3. Jay Hernandez
2. Beck
1. Ben Folds
NOTE: Abby would pork a dead guy. James Dean is like dust now and she would ride him into the sunset. Now that's rebelious.
Megan Barnes said..
5. Hayden Christiansen
4. Gavin(from Bush)
3. Daniel Johns
2. Brandon Boyd
1. Ben(my boyfriend)
NOTE: You women. All the same guys. You chicks need to pick some chicks too. Now that's cool.
Brooke Reynolds said..
5. Shane West
4. Eminem
3. Vin Diesal
2. Dan(Her Fling/Flame/Flung/Flute)
1. Josh Hartnett
NOTE: Brooke, Brooke, Brooke. I know you meant to put me on that list. I'm sure I'm the secret number one. OK, so I'm #476. So what? Its better than not being on the list at all.
Brandon Cyrus said..
5. Heather Graham
4. Mena Suvari
3. Jenna Jameson
2. The flute chick from American Pie(I think her name is Alyson Hannigan)
1. Shannon Elizabeth
NOTE: What is with these damn Pie girls? Brandon, serioulsy, you need to stop looking for naked pictures of these chicks on the internet. You;re in college, the women are for the picking there. No more internet porn. Viva La Brandons!
Mike Chagnon said..
5. Julia Stiles
4. Jennifer Love Hewitt
3. Natalie Portman
2. Natalie Portman
1. Natalie Portman
NOTE: What a dork. I mean I agree, but this guy obviously masterbates to Episode I and II often.
Patty Stinnett said..
5. Tara Reid
4. Michelle Branch
3. Julia Styles
2. Natalie Portman
1. Gweneth Paltrow (the version of her from great expectations)
NOTE: After he gave me his list, I told him that Michelle Branch has a fat head. He then went to tell me that she seems "inteligent". Then he added, "But if I was going for all brains...I would fuck Janet Reno." Spoken like a true man.
April Watson said..
5. Josh Hartnett
4. Ryan Phillipe
3. Justin Timberlake
2. Taylor Hanson
1. Prince William
NOTE: I think I put hers in the wrong order. Oh well, these guys are all gay anyway. Especially that Hanson brother. Why would you want his penis in you? He'll probably singing Mmmbop the whole time. But I still love you April.
Sam Anderson said..
5. This chick named Mary(from his college)
4. Janna Anderson
3. Jessica Henderson
2. Jenna Jameson
1. That chick off WILD on E!
NOTE: This list doesn't say much for ol' Sammy. He would stick his wee-wee in a light socked if only it wasn't such a loose fit.
Kelvin said..
5. My girl from Swimfan(she's so swell)!
4. Brooke Williams
3. Nicole Nelson
2. Leah Remmi
1. Paula Williams
NOTE: OK,let me just say, I agree with #1. I have no idea who 2 through 4 is. But nunber 5?! Damn...I'm losing more respect for this guy everyday.
Benjamin Tsai said..
5. A Mexican pig
4. The fat bitch from American Idol
3. A monkey in a woman's suit
2. Janet Reno
1. Hillary Clinton
NOTE: He's asian. What do you expect?
Paul Raymond Tompkins said..
5. Christina Aguilera
4. Nelly Furtado
3. Brandon's Mom
2. Jenifer Love Hewitt
1. Denise Richards
NOTE: HAHA! Dude's middle name is Raymond. What a fucking dork. HAHAHA! Wait...dude! That's my mom! You sicken me.
Sarah Hake said..
5. ben Affleck
4. Josh Hartnett
3. Matt Damon
2. Brad Pitt
1. Brandon Wiley
NOTE: I'm number 1!! Wooooo! Wooooo! Get some! What what!
Tom Daly said..
5. Helena Bonham Carter
4. Lady Galore(from Thrill Kill Kult)
3. Sarah McLachlahn
2. Lucia Siferelli from KMFDM
1. Gabi(His girlfriend)
NOTE: People, look, we know you would do your girlfriend/boyfriend. I wanna know who else you would pork. But aparently Tom likes chicks with boots who play at the Lilith Fair. Something is odd about that one.
And now, I give you mine.
Brandon Wiley said..
5. This hot blonde chick I saw
4. Luci Lu(she could kick my ass anyday)
3. Vanessa Carlton(beautiful voice, gorgeous, and talented)
2. Angelina Jolie(I would wear a vile of her blood anyday
1. All your moms.
NOTE: Of course Sarah Hake is obviously on the list, but I had to keep it interesting by adding people that you don't already know about. But thats the list. Like it, you don't have a choice. Thanks
Well, that's all for now. I hope you enjoy this and get pleasure out of it. I'm sure some of you will. I know I will. Mmmmhhhhmmmm...
Now that I'm done with that. I have a couple of quotes I found about Sept 11 and I found them funny/interestingly true. Therefor I had to post them.
Dubya should write Osama a thank-you note. Remember the campaign slogan "I'm a uniter, not a divider"? Osama got the job done for him.
That quote could not get anymore true. Here is another I found so true.
Within 12 hours of the tragedy, it occurred to me that they'll never, ever show that great episode of the "The Simpsons" where the family goes to New York and Homer has to take a whiz in the World Trade Center.
I was afriad of that, too. But to my suprise, I've seen it twice since then and laughed at Homer's pissing moans everytime. This next one is from some chick from NY.
The night of Sept. 10 I had an amazing one-night stand with a hot, swarthy Middle Eastern man. I lived in Battery Park City at the time. The next morning, we gazed at my spectacular view of the World Trade Center. The last thing I said to him was, "The R train? Just walk toward those two towers." Fifteen minutes later the first plane struck. I spent the whole day thinking (among other things), He did say he was Israeli, right? I didn't just fuck a terrorist, did I? I hope he made it out!
What a slut. I gotta meet this chick. This next one is so wrong I don't know if I should laugh....
I frantically called a friend's cellphone in lower Manhattan. An elementary school teacher, he was evacuating students when I rang. He was in sight of the just fallen towers. He said, "When the radio played 'It's Raining Men' this morning, I didn't realize they were serious." When I reminded him of this charming comment some months later, he didn't remember making it.
Anyway, so the Sparta show last night was great. I hung out with the band before the concert. Well, I briefly chatted with 3 of them but I talked with the drummer, Tony, for about 10 minutes. Awesome guy. Very nice and very smart. He told me the reason why he moved from El Peso, Texas to L.A. It was a very inspiring reason. He says that when he wakes up every morning in L.A., he knows that someone in that city is practicing drums and striving to be the best and he knows that he has to do the same if he is going to catch up/stay ahead of that person. So he says that the town is inspiration for him. I thought that was cool. Anyway, the first band Loudermilk was great. They rocked. Then Longfellow came out and rocked. Very funny looking guys. The lead singer looked like a skinnier Henry Rollins. The drummer looked like the lead singer of Alien Ant Farm with a fatter head. The bass player looked like a bigger version of that little whiney baby from Dashboard Confessionals. But, all in all they did great. Unfortunetly it was their last show together. The highlight of their set was the lead singer falling off the stage and about taking my leg out with him. I bought all three of their cds for a combined total of $7. Then, finally, Sparta hit the stage and pretty much played their whole cd. I think they didn't do one song off of it, though. Either way, it was a great show and the guys from Sparta were such nice guys. I highly recomend getting their debut cd "Wiretap Scars". Everytime I hear it, I notice something else that makes me realize how much talent these guys posses. I mean, I miss At The Drive-In as much as the next fan, but two great bands have come out of the split of that band. Sparta and The Mars Volta. These bands just rock. They are so much different than any of the shit you'll hear on radio today.
And if I hear one more of you sweater wearing, Weezer geeks who say that Sparta is "emo" you are full of it. I don't hear them playing accoustic guitar on TRL and singing about how a girl didn't play G.I. Joes with him, and having a punch of pubescent girls singing along with it. Plus, there is no such thing as "emo". It's just something made up by guys who have nothing better to do than cry about a girl(which is more than likely a guy) and say that they've done something different. I got news for you "emo" babies, just because you picked up an accoustic guitar and cried, doesn't mean that you're pioneer in music. It means that you picked up a guitar, cried and had your buddies at Mtv pick you up and place you in front of a camera and a crowd of 12 year olds, causing all the 12 year olds at hime to instantly love you because they think its a trend now. You're just a trent Mr Dashboard guy. You're audience consists of girls who just got over N'Sync and all those other crybaby boy bands. Soon, they'll realize how bad you are and move on to greener pastures with real talent. And then you'll really have something to cry about.
Thank you. Goodnight. I love you all. Thank you for reading this. I know it may not seem like it, but it means so much to have you all come and read these rantings of mine. This helps get things off my chest and when you all give me feedback on it, it just feels great knowing that you actually paid somewhat attention to my thought. Thank you. Please send me e-mails because I love to hear from you all no matter what you have to say. Thank you and g'night. Have a beautiful 9/12.
In more entertainment news, Imax and George "The Lord of the Geeks" Lucas are talking in hopes that they can adapt Lucas's new "Star Wars: Episode II -- Attack of the Clones" in Imax theatres. Yippee! They're hoping that they can attract a different breed of nerds, geeks and chronic masterbaters that usually go to the Imax to see "spectacular" nature and space documentaries to the latest installment of the Star Wars series. Let me just say, I will be the first in line...with my tech-9 waiting to pop some caps in the dorks who purchase these wastes of money. They need to stay away from this and see good movies such as "One-Hour Photo"! That's good cinema! If you havn't seen that, then you should join the league of pipe smokers in line at the Imax waiting to see another emberassing Lucas film. That guys needs to be shot before he makes Episode III. I will personally bail that person out of jail and take them to Mexico. Read more..
Wow, here's a bit of news that just proves that Britians have nothing better to do than drink tea and listen to The Sex Pistols while celebrating the fact that pot is now legal. In London, British police are investigating what they call a "mystery". This supposed "mystery" is about a hamster that was found driving a toy car along a promenade at a northern seaside resort. Yes, you heard me. A mystery. Hmmm...and then it goes on to say that the car ran by a wheel that the hamster, "cleverly" nick-named Speedy, ran causing the car to move. You know, almost like a treadmill. Whatever. Anyway, some crooked toothed British fag turned it into police while he was walking home from the band practice of his Sex Pistols cover band. While at the police station, the dumbasses decided to leave it alone on a desk where it tried to run from them but, they eventually caught it without spilling their Tea or missing a single lyris of Johnny Rotten. If you have any information on who the owner of this hamster dragster is, then please kill yourself for knowing this useless informatin. Thank you. The British government highly apprecicates your help.Read more..
Well, enough of that. I'm going to see Sparta tomorrow night at Nita's hideaway. It's gonna rock more than your mom's bed when in it last night. I'll try to get pictures and other things to run in your face, although I strongly doubt you care. Either way, you can kiss my ass. Kiss the left cheek. That's the lucky one. You want luck right? Good! Now kiss it! Tasty, huh? I thought so.
So, friday was an interesting day. I went to all the Zia Record Exhanges within a 20 mile radious and tried to get rid of a large stack of shit cds(i.e. Limp Bizkit and a bunch of other jock rock anal fudge). I got albums by Pixies, Mike Patton, Lovage and a couple by Fugazi. All of them, great albums. Also I got Purple Rain on DVD. Great movie. Screw you all who think it sucks and have never even seen it. You can rot in hell with Kelvin. Yeah Kelvin. Man, this guy was so cool. Now I have lost all respect for him. Here's why.
After that sentence he continues to tell me that he would do the same thing as that chick in the movie did because the "dude was so bodacious". Oh, Lord, this man has stooped to an all new low. I mean, at first I just hated him because he won't tell this amazing woman how he truly feels about her, but damnit! He liked SWIMFAN! That movie is such a Fatal Attraction rip-off.
Who the hell in Hollywood decides to put these peices of shit out?! Just wait until I get into Hollywood. I'll teach those assholes what good movie is. And I'll make sure that asshole Robert isn't a critic. He'll bash all my movies just because he think's its fun to do. Bastard. I love you all! Even Robert. He's my hunk of marine love.
Oh yeah. Here's to the lack of OJ Simson jokes.
gandalf086: women
FANTOMBOX: women
gandalf086: can't live with 'em
gandalf086: can't kill em
gandalf086: unless you're oj simpson
Ooooooh! Burn!
Oh, and on Friday I got invited to some chick's birthday celebration at a resteraunt by a bunch of girls I didn't know. That was fun. And there were some hot chicks there. Wow. I mean, a bunch of 11th and 12th graders but I still had a great time. Afterwards I took a couple of them along and my bro(who was really the only Wiley boy who was supposed to go, but I guess they couldn't pass up the Wiley MAN of the house, so they invited me) and we drove around and just acted dumb. That felt good to do. We egged poeples' houses and put those election signs in random yards. What rebels we are. Satan has a spot for us now.
Seriously, just look at how fat this girl's head it. It makes me almost sick.
Directly after this picture was taken, Kelly ate her mic.
For now, let's just savor the moment and celebrate the fact that she won. Here is a picture of the exact moment she won. Celebrate good times.
Wow, amazing, huh? I just noticed something. It looks like our little afro puff, Justin wants to pull a Tyson on our fat friend Kelly! Bite that bitches ear off! Do it! She sucks! You both suck! So just face it and take your anger out on that fat head of hers. You know he wants to bash her fat skull in with his mic. That is hatred on his face, not happiness.
Speaking of our puffy friend, Justin. At least he didn't win. If he did, you know he would just be riding the coat tails of his relation to Samuel L Jackson. He would have ol' Sammy in all his videos and he'd be sucking him off because he knows that Sam is the only reason he's still aloud to breathe in the public's eye. Oh, and his gay fro. That to. He probably originally had a mullet and one of those big shots from Fox decided that he would be more "hip" with an afro. Look, since when have afros gone out of style? They keep saying "Afros are back" Man, people have been growing afros since they first came into style. If you got curly hair that can be froed, then most of the time you did it. It neverwent out. And just because some gerbil stuffer from American Idol(who isn't even an idol!!!) has a fro' doesn't mean that it's in style. It means that he is one of the lucky individuals who can grow one! I wish I could! But I can't because I got shafted with hair that sucks. Thanks mom and dad, I'll keep this in mind when I get rich and famous. To conclude this, I hate AMERICAN IDOL. And oh man, I'm so lucky because they'll be bringing American Idol Live to my home town, right here in Phoenix. Jesus, just when I thought this town was rockin'.
But, in better news, this coming Tuesday I'll be seeing Sparta in concert. Sparta are 3 members(plus some dude named Matt who plays bass) of the now defunct At The Drive-In. The other two members(the ones with the afros, Omar and Cedric) went and formed another band called The Mars Volta. I highly recomend getting something by both Sparta and The Mars Volta. They rock like it's your buisness but you bes' not funk with it. Anyway, about the Sparta show....It's gonna rock. And plus, since I'm on the steet team, I get to go in early and hang with the band. That will maketh it rocketh even more. We'll probably just get stoned and talk about "chicks" we've "banged". I'll have pictures so I can rub it in the faces of you who do like them, but can't make it to the show. So, eat it and die.
I recently lost my job. And you better believe that it brings tears to my eyes. Many of them. They said it wasn't working out. Damn right it wasn't! I hated the job and you knew it. This place was so hell bent on saving money that they had me working the jobs of two people. That's just stupid. And then they told me I was "slow". No $hit! When you're one person doing the work of two, of course I'll be a little slow. I'm one person. Sorry. But, it's all good. I wanted to leave anyway. Don't get me wrong, the people I worked with were cool, but the job was almost as fun as wiping an old persons' ass.
My good friend Brooke Reynalds likes to wipe old peoples' asses. And I have lost all repsect for her because of it. Just disgusting, Brooke. She has lost so many points on my "Chicks To Bang" list. Lets check out her points on my points system. She starts off with 500 for being so hot. Then I add 100 more because she makes me laugh like a school girl. So we have 600 points. She is a nurse(add 500 points) at a retirement home(subtract 200 points). She see's old, wrinky dongs(-200), saggy old boobs(-100), more than usually wrinkled old nut sacks(-300) everyday when she gives geriatrics sponge baths(-100). She tells me all these funny stories(+100) about old people throwing coffee on her because they're old and dumb(+300). Then she tells me about how they tried to get this old lady to poop(-200) and then that granny couldn't poop(+100). So Brooke had to go in that old anus with her fingers and dig that $hit out(-500)! Not cool. Just not cool. Then I remember that she has a nice rack(+2,000) but she's never shown me them(-900). Then I remember thats he has a gorgeous face(+300). Plus she has a hot older sister who just got single(+500) but she's 31(-700). And her dad doesn't like my webpage(+100) and says I'm "a bad influence" on her(+100). And her cat doesn't have a tail(-300) and looks like a retard when it runs(-300). That's just not cool. All the other cats laugh at it and call it a "fag"(+400 because she lives near cats that can say fag). Right now she only has 1,300 points, but I used to have a wicked crush on her, so I'll just knock her up(keep dreaming) to 2,000. So, Brooke, you have 2,00 points on my "Chicks to Bang" list. I have no idea what place that puts you in, but I know that you're the only chick I've actually made points with in my life. Be proud.
I'm off homeys. I hate you all. I love you all. Come back for more you sick, sick people.
Man, Jimmy was busting on Fat Joe. I swear, if really ate an Olson twin, I would be pissed. They are so HOT!! One day, I will save their careers. Just watch. I promise you that. That Osbourne family stuff was pretty funny. Seem scripted at times, but Ozzy was still funny. When Triumph busted on R. Kelly about the Olson twins, that was great. R. Kelly deserves that. What a sick bastard that guy is. And man, did that dog piss Eminem off. And, did Eminem piss off the audience with that "I'll hit a guy with glasses" comment? What a dick. And Dashboard Confessionals didn't deserve that M2 award! They suck! The Hives, The Nappy Roots, or The Strokes deserved that award. At least those bands just don't cry about their girl leaving them. What a pussy. I think Eminem should hit that guy. Why does he have to pick on a guy like Moby? I mean, even I would feel bad about picking on that guy. He's a nice guy who wouldn't hurt a midget. And hurting midgets is very tempting. I mean, when's the last time you saw a midget and didn't at least kick him in the nuts? I can't remember the last time I didn't see one without giving him at least a bloody nipple. They'e so funnny when they run. Damn "little people"!
Anyway, I need to find a new job. Einstein Bros Bagels just isn't cutting it anymore. I'm sick of doing the same crap over and over again everyday. I have good news guys. At this exact moment that I'm typing this, there is only
until the Olson Twins are legal. And believe me, I will be the first at their front door. Bizzity Biznang! Dude, even their mom is hot. I would make more Olson twins with her anyday. But, then I couldn't make babies with the original Olson twins anymore. Well, forget the mom. I'll just take them. But which one? I mean, surely they wouldn't be down with me with the other there also...screw it! One is enough for me.
One day I will date one of them. Just watch. You will envy and worship me. And you will want to kiss me knowing that I've kissed one. But, which one? Maybe they'll both want me and I'll mistake Ashley for Mary Kate, or vice versa. Oh, yes, when that day comes, I will be worshipped by all males. Maybe one day they'll get drunk and end up on Girls Gone Wild 56. Oh man. I would staple my sack to a wolvarine just to go on a date with one of them. I don't care which one! Their twins for God's sake! They are both Olsensual! I would but their Wal-Mart clothes anyday. I mean, I know them well enough. I practically grew up with them. Heard them say such memorable lines as "Cool, dude" and "When I grow up, I'm gonna bang Brandon!" Who would have though such annoying little kids would grow up to be little Jennifer Anistons? I didn't see it coming.
Well, I'm gonna get sleep since I have a fun day ahead of me at work. Joy! Later.
Let's see...whats new here? Well, Robert was supposed to come up again yesterday, but he had to work today. That's alright though. He would have killed me after we saw XXX. I wanted to kill myself, but I was too buisy laughing. So, yeah, there isn't much new right now. I've always heard of this band, Social Distortion, and I finally downloaded something by them. I was impressed. So, I bought one of their albums called White Light, White Heat, White Trash. Great album. It's their latest one, I believe. You should check them out if you get a chance.They've been around forever.
Anyway, work is going fine, I still have no one to go see Beck with me, and I Ashley still hasn't called me. I don't believe she wants to hang out with me. Incase you have no idea who Ashley is, she is the very first friend I've had. I was born here in Phoenix, and she was my neighbor. And now that I'm back, she doesn't really same to care to hang out with me. I have yet to figure that out. She told me, "Yeah, we should hang out." I've been here for over a month. When do you wanna hang out? Her mom told my mom that she's so "caught up in cheer and her boyfriend." (NOTE: Cheer means cheerleading) But, that's cool. It's her life and if she doesn't wanna hang out with an old friend at least once, well, that's her decision. It's saddening, but then again I haven't seen her in 16 years and I've been doing fine. Maybe one day I'll see her. I guess a friend is too much to ask for these days.
Well, freaks, I'm done for now. I have to redo my system on my computer. After I do that, I will have more updates in the STUPIDITY section. Until then, I want to have your babies and I hope you keep coming back.
Work is going well. I work at Einstien Bros Bagels. Not a bad job. Get paid fine, the people are nice, the work is OK, and the food is good.
Robert and his wife, Jen, are coming up today from Yuma. Haven't seen him since his wedding, so it will be good to see him again. Miss that cracker. I'm gonna see if he can update his section sometime, but he's a Marine and has a life so he might not have that much spare time.
Pheonix is pretty good. There is so much to do. I'm gonna go see Beck this month.I just gotta find someone to go with. I don't wanna go alone to this one. But if I have to, I will. Anyway, I'm gonna go no because my computer is acting up and I don't want to lose what I just put in this journal entry because I'm too lazy to do it again. I'll have some more material for the STUPIDITY section soon. I just need more time. Later.
Finally got a job! I mean, selling myself was working for a little while, but it kinda sucked when only guys wanted you. I decided that it was time to pump my stomach and rest my bottom and find a new job. So I finally found one at Einstein Bros. Bagels. They seem like nice people and I start tomorrow. The food is good. Maybe some hot chick will come in while I'm working.
ME: Yes, may I help you?
Hot Chick: Yes, I want a bagel.
Me: What would you like on it?
Hot Chick: (Long, sexy pause) You.
After that I jump over the counter and the rest is for your imagination.
Well, that's all I feel like giving you people right now. Later.
The trip was long, boring and fun all at the same time. Saw more of America than I cared to see. Tenessee blew, Arkansas sucked it, Texas was a peice of $hit on a broken stick, and New Mexico was only good because they had dangerous fireworks that were legal. I'm proud to say that I started a small fire in New Mexico with a firework that went wrong. This wasn't your typical lame Virginia firework. This was a big mufriggin' bottlerocket that shot far. But of course we about hit two cars with the same bottlerocket before I started the fire. God bless me. I never want to go back to New Mexico though. I did see over into Mexico, which was word. And I saw the border police. One even posed for a picture for me. What a loser. So he'll be up here soon.
Finally we got to Pheonix after about 6 days of driving and sleeping in motels with the cats and dogs. So I now got to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag. But then I got a footon(I have no idea how to spell it!!) and Wes slept on the floor. Lucky guy. I envied him. Oh, yeah I forgot to mention than Wes, his mom, and his Satanic little sister helped us move to the other side of America, and then they stayed a few days with us. It was cool to have one of my best friends with me during a sad time. He helped me by just being here and hanging out.
So, Wes and I went to as many cool places as we could think of. We went to a couple of the six million malls Phoenix has and picked up so many chicks.....well, a few chicks....a couple.....none....
Nothing will beat the last night he was here. We went out pimpin' like true white boys. We went to fancy, upscale gentlemen clubs. OK, sleezy strip clubs. We tried The Sugar Shack first and made it in, but to only be kicked out 2 minutes later because we weren't 21. Then we drove by two more strip clubs, still we hadn't turned 21 yet. So we gave up and decided to go into the Castle Boutique. Wes didn't think it was a porn shop but I knew it was. I mean, why else couldn't you be able to see into the front door? Well, I may have been right but I really wish we hadn't used that front door. We walk in and I start to walk near the movies because they're closer and all I see is men on the boxes. "Hhhmmm...this is odd. Why in the hell are those two guys looking at me like they want my.....? Oh hell naw!!" So Wes and I realized it was the gay floor. So we went upstairs to the hetero floor. Wes bought a porn movie and off we went in pursue of an Adult Arcade. Well, we found one. And it wasn't pornographic video games like we hoped. Just movies you could view and spank to although it stated that no sexual activity will take place there. Yeah, right, guys did it anyway. I was a bit diguste......
Yeah, well from here I accidently f*cked up and deleted the rest of the journal entries from this year. My bad. Oh well...