I guess the point I'm ultimetly trying to make here is that 20 is scary although its really no different than 19. But, shit, it's 20. No longer are you a stupid teenager. 20 is sneaking up on me and it feels like only yesterday I was riding my bike around with my best friend Robert tipping over porta potties and pissing the community off. But now Robert is a marine, married to a sweet woman, and living on his own with his wife. And I'm turning 20!! Childhood has fleeted. The world calls me as a man. Can I comply? Can I adapt? Or will I end up like so many other young adults and fall in love which ruines my future and I end up working a shitty job for the rest of my life or until we make enough so I can go to college and get a real job so my wife and I can live happily in a real house instead of some shitty apartment with 2 kids and a stinkin' ass dog and some neighbors downstairs who are constantly drunk and screaming at each other? Damn...

Good news for us PIXIES' fans. A DVD is in the works by SpinArt. Plus, their manager said that they got an offer to tour next year. But, they get many offers each year. But let's keep our hopes up.

I met someone recently and I couldn't be anymore happy to have her in my life. Her name is Jessica.

Emo is like goth-lite. Half-assed goths.

Tom Waits is waiting for you to pick up one of his records.

December 18th is my birthday and I expect money, presents, strippers, prostitutes, balloon animals and apes.

Yes. Well, maybe not bored. It's just that I work at night so after I wake up around noon, I have some time to kill. Too much time to kill. So, I figured why no take the joke a little further. That's where Hot or Not came into play.

Oh yeah, the ladies love me. So, rate me, because at the current moment I am hotter than 42% of the males on that page, even though half that shit you see on me is just props I acquired from a costume shop. Get some.

Art Morris has lost it. He's gone completely insane. Just look at this kid's website and you'll understand. Scary.

Elliott Smith. What a talented musician. It's very sad that he decided to take his own life. Definetly didn't get the recognition he deserved. Pick up any cd by Elliott Smith.

While your out getting that Elliott Smith album, get The Darkness' album. They'll rock your ass and knock you up.

Saw Mindless Self Indulgence last Wednesday. Rocked, rocked, rocked! There were 4 bands on the roster which pissed me off at first, but when 3/4th of them rocked, I got over it. The first band, in which I didn't catch their name, sucked so much ass. We heckled them in between their horrible songs saying shit like:

ME:"Oh, please butcher another song!"
JOSH:"You guys rock!"(another hint of sarcasm)
ME:"Look at what cocain can do for you, kids!"
ME:"Security, get these assholes off the stage."
SECURITY GUARD:"I think they just got this band together in the parking lot before the show."
RANDOM GUY:"Break up already!"

Yeah, so they sucked. But then Uncle Fucker came on. They managed to rock out with a bango player and violinist in their group. Great music. Original. The highlight was the death metal version of "Man Of Constant Sorrow".

Then Tubring came on and managed to blow my mind to. They reminded me of an updated early Mr Bungle.

Anyway, then MSI hit the stage and stole the night. Jimmy Urine(lead singer) exclaimed that 90% of his wongs were written by Hanson. I beleived it. The bastard. Flying coins, ladder into the audience, smoking, foul language, nudity, making out with random guys in the audience, talking shit, being drunk/high out of their minds, eating dollar bills....thats usually a typical MSI show for you. Great times. Rocked. I recommend.

Anyway, not much is new here. I have a new character at Bobby McGee's. Yeah, you've seen him already. At the top of this entry. That moron with the mustache. That's Gary Gobles : Lounge Singer Extrodiar. You can see him at Bobby McGee's any day I'm there. Come check it out and give me crazy tips and your phone numbers.

I think that's enough for you now. I'm sure you only grazed over it anyway. Peace.

Ben Folds has two new EPs out entitled Speed Graphic and Sunny 16. You can only find those in indipendent record stores and off his website at BENFOLDS.com. I highly recomend you getting them. Great music. Only 5 bucks a peice.

You should throw that John Mayer album away and get My Bloody Valentine's Loveless.

Then while you're at it, pick up The Darkness' Permission To Land.

If you still have yet to see KILL BILL, you're tripping on balls.

KILL BILL
KILL BILL
KILL BILL
KILL BILL
KILL BILL
KILL BILL
KILL BILL
KILL BILL
KILL BILL
KILL BILL
KILL BILL
KILL BILL

Then kill yourself for not seeing this movie yet.

Well, I'm gonna go get some Japanese food now. Well, right after I go buy myself a little Japanese boy. Ming Lou is his name. Good kid. Peace.

...right freakin' now! It will be one of the best movies you shall ever see! Oh, and go see Intolerable Cruelty also.

OK, let's see, what have you fools been missing lately. I quit Le Peep on Sunday. Yeah, it felt good. I couldn't take it anymore there. I was there for over a year and there's only so much abuse you can take before you fight back and when they try to make you look bad for fighting back, thats when I knew it was time to move on. So I did. Booya!

Hey, ladies! My friends Josh and Jason don't provide enough companionship, plus they aren't chicks. Well, Josh wishes he was. So hit me up and we'll go on a date. Must be good looking. No ugly chicks. You must have a sence of humor. I mean, c'mon, you're reading this, so you must have one. Call me (602)380-8031. Ask for Moco.

If you live in Pheonix, or a city where they actually get good movies, then go see the new Bill Murrey movie called Lost In Translation. If awards are not won for this movie, I'll be pissed. The Academy shall die.

You're now reading the journal of the best supporting actor in youth theatre in all of Arizona for his dramatic roll as the Mad Hatter. I'll sign boobs now. Please, no man boobs. No ugly chicks.

I went on a date the other night. Yeah, that went well. Not.

Next Friday you have to flock to the movie theatres not once, but twice. Yes two damn good movies shall be gracing your city. Quentin Tarantino's KILL BILL and the Coen Brothers' Intolerable Cruelty. Two of my favorite directors that you need to make your favorites as well. Quentin previous movies in which he was written and/or directed include True Romance, Resevoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, From Dusk Till Dawn, Jackie Brown and the fourth room in Four Rooms. Joel and Ethan Coen's previous films in which they wrote/produced/directed are Blood Simple, Raising Arizona, Miller's Crossing, The Hudsucker Proxy, Fargo, The Big Labowsky, O Brother Where Art Thou, and The Man Who Wasn't There. All of these are some of the best films of all time and you need to go rent/buy them and stop watching shit like Sweet Home Alabama, Legally Blond and XXX. And by XXX I don't mean porn. I mean that botched film with that botched actor with the botched name with the botched action sequences that give good action movies, like Desperado, a bad name.

Speaking of botched movies. To the guys who made Matrix Reloaded, I want my 2 hours and $8 back. I didn't like The Matrix as it was, but the 2nd one was a joke. Who's idea was it to add a 10 minute long dance scene?!!

Fargo was just released on DVD. Dig it.

Scarface was also released on DVD. Live it.

It's cool, esse. It's cool...

Sucks that Johnny Cash is gone. He was the man. Great music. Only thing remotely country that I was into. Sucks John Ritter died too, but I wasn't really into his stuff. If your name is John, I recomend changing it.

Dianne, I want my book from that chick.

Robert (ARSB) is back from Afghanistan. Finally...

Well, chicas and chicos, I must vamos, bitch. Adios. Dig it.

Wesley Willis
1963-2003

I'm sad to say that the Chicago musician Wesley Willis has died at the age of 40 on Aug 21. At the end of 2002 he was diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML) which he battled up until his passing last Thursday. At 6'5" tall and weighing between 300 and 350 pounds, Wesley released over 50 albums since 1992 after being diagnosed with chronic schizophrenia after hearing voices in 1989 in an art store where he starting screaming and swearing at the voices in his head. Definetly one of the most original musicians ever with his 3 chord music, repetative chorus, humorous lyrics, and his way of ending his songs with "Rock over London, rock over Chicago". He wrote such songs as "Suck A Polar Bear's Dick", "Cut The Mullet", "Who Killed John Columbo", "Eazy-E", "I Wupped Batman's Ass", "I'm Sorry That I Got Fat", "Rock n Roll McDonald's", "Suck An Ibex's Bootyhole", "Arnold Schwarzenegger", "Casper the Homosexual Friendly Ghost", and "Kris Kringle Was A Car Theif". If you haven't heard anything by Wesley, it's nothing that will change the face of music, but it's definetly something to check out. If you want to learn more about Wesley, check out his new DVD "The Daddy of Rock N Roll"

Turn off that Linkin Park album and buy Frank Black & The Catholics' new 5 song LP "Nadine" which inludes the new studio track "Nadine", live versions of "Hermaphroditos", "Los Angeles", "Jane The Queen of Love" and their cover of Pixies' "Gouge Away", Frank Black's former band which paved the way for such bands as Nirvana. While you're at it, get "Surfer Rosa" by Pixies.

While you're at that record store trying to decide between the new Dashboard Confessionals and the latest Good Charlotte album, put them both down, walk over to the "Rap" section, yes white people are welcomed there, and pick up the new Nappy Roots album "Wooden Leather". You need to listen to something else other than pop punk and albums of some white guy complaining how chicks broke his heart when he can easily just get a chick every time he strums his accoustic guitar and sings his whiney lyrics in front of a pathetic crowd of crying upperclass white kids. Sorry, dude, but that sensitive bad boy look is lame. Give it up. We got you figured out. You're the type of musician who plays it sensitive, promises the groupie chick you'll take her on the road with you, bangs her(probably in the ass), and then leaves her on the side of the road. Bitch.

Chef Mike
1969-2003

Once again, looks like I won't be in college this semester thanks to those dipshit at the Financial Aid office at Scottesdale Community College. They don't understand what a deadline is. One day I'll start school.

Until then, I'm going to be opening a theatre troupe. If your interested then e-mail me at FANTOMBOX@Hotmail.com. I ask that you're at least 18, very much interested in theatre and movies, willing to work for free sometimes, have plently of free time, and only looking to do original work. The rest of the details will be worked out when I have more people involved.

Well, I'm gonna try to something constructive with my morning off. Take care, my children, because daddy ain't payin' no damn child support. Much love.

Bill Paxton. Great actor. But total dumbass. Yes, you heard me. I just lost respect for him. Why, you ask? Well, ol' Billy is gonna be in the new Limp Bizkit video. Real smart, Bill. Great career move. Your now gonna be liked but meat heads and jocks. Smooth...

Primus is getting back together after 4 year hiatus.

Andrew W.K.'s new album The Wolf hits stores Sept. 9th. That same day Frank Black & The Catholics's new album Show Me Your Tears will be released. Check those out if your into GOOD music. And for God's sake, turn Mtv off! That goes for your radio too!

Tom Sizemore(Bringin Out The Dead, Saving Private Ryan) is in some shit. Aparently he has been charged with domestic abuse to his former girlfriend Heidi Fleiss. Yeah, Heidi Fleiss. Remember her? The Hollywood mistress. Well, she pissed at Tom for smashing some figurines, threatening her and her younger brother, harassment, and employing prostitutes during the shooting of a recent movie. Prostitutes? Excuse me, Heidi, weren't you a female pimp? How can you get pissed because he got some hoes? I mean, didn't you run a whore house at one point? Women. But if Tom gets convicted, he can spend up to 13 years in prison. Thats messed up. He needs to have his own movie. He always plays supporting roles. Give the man a movie And someone smack Heidi!

Quentin Tarantino's new flick Kill Bill, Part 1 is coming out October 10th. I'm getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it. But I am a bit pissed that they decided to split the movie into two seperate films. Instead of a 3 hour film, its now two 1.5 hour films. That means twice the money. The bastards. But since its Quentin Tarantino I can forgive him. But I'll be pissed if more movies follow this trend.

Robert Rodriguez is adding 3rd installment to his 3rd installment to the El Mariachi movies. Rememeber Desperado with Antonio Banderas and Selma Hayek? Yeah well this is the next movie. It's called Once Upon A Time In Mexico and its gonna be better than sex with and elderly person. Check it out on Sept 12th!

Get the new Deftones album! Now! You heard me! Turn off that Good Charlotte album! Ya' bastard.

Hello, Breanna.

Do you own a Pixies album yet? What are you freaking waiting for?!! Throw that Sum 41 record away! And while your at it get rid of that Dashboard Confessionals album.

Speaking of Dashboard Confessionals, is this guy still around? What makes him so different from any other artist. DC is what you get when you mix "she did me wrong" lyrics, a "loveable" white guy who probably digs kiddy porn, and accoustic "rock". Nothing new. Its like limpbizkit, Backstreet Boys, and Jewel mixed together. Nothing new. Next trend please.

Call 602-628-0950 and ask for God. Tell her B-Diddy sent you.

Weezer still sucks.

Karen loves Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. God bless the 80's and their bad dance moves.

Weiners.

God bless California. Not only does it have riots, rolling black outs, earth quakes, Hollywood, L.A., corrupt cops, O.J. Simpson, bad movies, but it also has a weird ass list of people running for govoner. The ones on that list that stand out the most include Arnold Schwarzenegger(actor), Larry Flint (pornographer), an ex-stripper, Gary Coleman(midget ex child star) and Gallager(watermelon smashing comedian). That's a tough decision. Who would I vote for? Damn...I don't know. Larry Flint would be pretty damn funny. Naked secretaries for all! Arnold's campaign slogan should be," No, really, I'm not kidding." Gary Coleman couldn't be taken seriously at a debated. A midget versus Arnold. Don't get me started on Gallager. My vote is probably with the ex stripper. AS long as she doesn't take me make up off and she always stays under the black light. You ever seen a stripper under a normal light? SCARY! My vote would have been with Arnold but he made Collateral Damage for shit's sake!

I'll be back.

I got a new job. Well, a 2nd job. I'm a server at Bobby McGee's. My name is Sunny Block. Incase your asking, "What the hell? Sunny Block?", its a themed resteraunt...kinda. All the waiters are characters. I'm Sunny Block, the lifeguard. Drop by sometime and eat there. Its very fun.

I got a girlfiend, yeah, you heard me. A girlfriend. Her name is Breanna. And I heard from a my boss that she must be deaf, blind and dumb to be dating me. True statement, but she is none of those. So suck on that one! I don't know what she see's in me though.

Tonight my boss took 10 bucks away from me. I went bowling with a lot of people from my morning job at Le Peep. My boss, a couple employess and I all bet 5 bucks to see who gets the highest score. My boss slaughtered us the first time and I almost beat him on the second game. But he payed for the games and for dinner for us all so I got my money's worth and then some.

Go see Terminator III if you haven't done so yet! Don't f*cking go see Bad Boys II!!! Bad Boys I was way better than that peice of garbage. Will someone kill Jerry Brockheimer. He kills so many movies. I mean, for God's sake, he produced Kangaroo Jack. What a dildo!!

I might be going to see Billy Idol next month. That should be the shit.

I don't know what else to tell you fools.

Oh yeah, I got nominate for a AriZonie award for my performance as the Mad Hatter. Which is the theatre awards for Arizona. I'm not expecting to win, but just being nominated is pretty damn word.

Get the new Jane's Addiction album entitled Strays. It's off da heezy for sheezy!

T.V. is so shitty now. Does anyway, really give a damn about that annoying media whore Jennifer Lopez and her anuz plugging boyfriend Ben Affleck are doing?! Well, other than making shitty movies called Gigli? Hahaha, what dumbasses. I hate to break it to Kevin Smith, but Jersey Girl(starring those two ass clowns) will probably flop now because no ones wants to see those two boner strokers make another flop. Besides, Kevin Smith is a good writer but a mediocer director. Yeah, yeah, I know you like Jay and Silent Bob but you have to admit it was about time for them to go away. I couldn't bear another "snootchie bootchie".

Go buy/rent Punch Drunk Love. While you're at it, do the same with Magnolia. Then buy The Big Labowsky and watch it religiously! Then you need to carve my name into your chest.

Send me naked pictures of your girlfriend.

Send me money.

I'm out. Until next time...

People always send me these stupid surveys so I've decided to take one for you all. So after reading this you should know me better.

1.What time is it?: 10:23 in Virginia.

2. Name: Brandon

3. Name as it appears on your birth certificate: Mr Lova Lova

4. Nicknames: My peers call me "The Second Coming" but the ladies call me "Creep"

5. Number of candles on your last birthday cake: 19 and you didn't buy me a gift (ignore that comment if you did)!

6. Pets: 4 Dogs , 3 Cats, and my enslaved race.

7. Hair color: Brown

8. Number of piercing: Only my Prince Albert.

9. Eye color: Blue, but God knows what they are now due to my habbit of looking into the sun.

10. Favorite alcoholic drink: Anything that leaves me passed out beside some ugly chick I just banged in a puddle of my own urine.

11. Current residence: Phoenix, AZ where your scrotum is constantly covered in dew from the 100+ degree temperature. I think that's the first time I've said scrotum on this website. Scrotum!

12. Favorite foods: Japanese, Korean and Mexican.

13. Been to Africa: No, but I went on a date with a chick from South Africa.

14. Love someone so much it made you cry: Freakin' A!

15. Been in a car crash: Yeah, some redneck, his ugly wife and inbred daughter rearended me, but they were going slow so I lived and there was no damage, except for their rectums due to my foot being lodged in it.

16. Croutons or Bacon bits: Bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon! Actually, I prefer croutons because pigs are disgusting.

17. Favorite day of the week: Any day in which I don't have to work or see the light of day.

18. Favorite word or phrase: "Bitch, where's muh motherf*cking money? What? What? Ho, wuddid you jus' say?! Oh, naw you didn't! You betta get muh money!" then I usually smack her around for a while. And thats how I get my allowance from my mom.

19. Favorite restaurant(s): T.G.I. Fridays, Le Peep, and the delicious food at Christy's Caborete.

20. Favorite flower: Any flower that looks good when placed in my long flowing hair.

21. Favorite sport: I hate sports but I've become an avid bowler.

22. Favorite drink: I drink my own water/urine like Kevin Conser did in Waterworld.

23. Favorite ice cream: I usually freeze my water/urine and eat it that way, so I've expanded on Kevin's idea. 24. Disney or Warner Bros: The channel, record company or the movie production company? If channel then they both suck. If Record company, they're both assholes. And if movie production...well then I prefer Warner Bros sometimes but Lion Gates is much better.

25. Favorite Fast food: In-N-Out Burger!!

26. What color is your bedroom carpet: It's a good thing the word "bedroom" is in that question because I would have been offended if it wasn't.

27. How many times did you fail your driver's test: None, but I did fail my permit test once.

28. Before this one, whom did you get your last email from: Some chick saying she wanted me to watch her get it on with a horse. Wait, that's not some chick! That was from Sam Anderson! Speaking of Spanky, call him at 434.944.1066!! Tell him black men do have larger penises than white men but he's the exception.

29. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card: Zia Records or Best Buy. Although, I already maxed it out at Castle Boutique.

30. What do you do most often when you are bored: A little thing I call FANTOMBOX....that or I watch movies.

31. Favorite magazine: Beastiality Weekly

32. Bedtime: Whenever I start to drool. 33. Who will respond to this email the quickest: E-mail me so you can be the first or just e-mail me because I'm lonely.

34. Who is the person you sent this to, that is least likely to respond: You

35. Favorite TV shows: The Family Guy, The Sopranos, The Simpsons and Late Night With Conan O'Brien.

36. Last person you went out to dinner with: Glynna and Gabriel.

37. Ford or Chevy: Rednecks...

38. Car or suv: Car.

39. Favorite smell: Sarah Hake's house.

40. Time you finished the survey: 11:12

Well, that was a total waste of my time. Thanks for reading, or scanning over it at least.

Someone answered my prayers! Cold has left Lollapalooza! THANK YOU, JESUS!!

Going to Six Flags tomorrow! Jealous? Wish you were me? Wish you had me? Want to have my baby? Call me at 602.380.1830 and we'll work something out.

I'll be back in Phoenix on Tuesday. There better be one of those welcome parties waiting for me with balloons, music, clowns, strippers and those bid ass banners that say "Welcome Home, Brandon. Welcome home..." and all the hot chicks better be saying "We've been so sex deprived, thank God your back!"

See you then!

Why hasn't anyone called Sam yet?! Call him right now (434.944.1066) and explain to him that "spanking your dong" doesn't mean that you actually slap your penis around! Do it, please. I'll love you and give you much loving.

I got my own bowling ball and bowling shoes now, I'm goind King Pin on your asses.

You really need to check out The Mars Volta right now because these guys have a future. Throw all your old cds away, because their new album is all that you need.

Wanna know how April Felchner keeps her boyfriend going in bed? Here's what she told me...
BuNNyq286: i start make barnyard animal noises

Loudermilk. Check them out.

Scott Weiland is joining Slash and a bunch of the white, skinny former druggies from Guns 'n' Roses in a new band called Velvet Revolver. Rock it shall.

Meanwhile, Axl Rose still has a rod up his ass. He was recently dropped from his record label beacuse their sick and tired on waiting for his wig wearing ass taking over 6 years to finish the new "Guns 'n' Roses" album, Chinese Democracy, which still isn't out! I think the title is very fitting for that album because the chances of that album coming out are the same chances of China becoming a democracy!

Women...they make life so difficult, yet so worth living.

You lesbians feel me on that last quote.

Speaking of lesbians, April also told me about her first experince with masterbation...
BuNNyq286: all i got out of it was realizing that i just dont have what it takes to pleasure a woman

Give the girl a hand(no pun intended) for her honesty.

I have managed to make this journal a bit too graphic. I hope no one with an IQ over...whatever a high IQ is happens to be viewing this because it just went down about 20 points. Welcome to the land of Brandon, where everything is nothing short of STUPID! Make yourself at home, jackass.

Well, make yourself at home later. I'm tried. It 3 in the morning and I'm sick of telling you things you probably won't remember anyway. Peace off!

P.S. Fuck Harry Potter!

A couple of weeks ago I saw the Rollins Band on their tour for the WM3. They played only Black Flag songs which proved that Henry Rollins hasn't lost a thing. I recomed seeing this guy put on a show.

Some good albums coming out that you need to go spend some cash on soon, including Jane's Addiction and The Mars Volta. I forget the release dates but then again you probably won't buy them anyway. Dork.

Finally I got back to Virginia. Jeff and I hosted the 10th Annual Biff Awards and rocked it like no other. Sam is gay.

While I was in Lynchburg I saw most of my friends and had a great time with them. But nothing ot my heart going like Sarah did. All over again. I wanted to cry everytime I saw her. She had only gotten more beautiful. It was tough seeing her again knowing that I would just have to leave her again for a 2nd time. I really beleive her and I have a future. I've never felt so sure of anything in my life.

Sarah wrote me a poem and I decided that I had to share it with you all.

Turn back those evil hands of time,
To when the songs you sang were mine,
When everything in life seemed fine,
You ran your fingers up my spine.

Revive all of my memories,
Of us hugging in the hallways,
Of new channels on our TV's,
When I was happy to be me,

Please, take me back to yesterday,
When you meant everything you'd say,
Before he had come in to play,
You always wanted me to stay.

Return me to those days I miss,
When you and I shared our first kiss,
Before I cried nonstop like this,
And everything was filled with bliss.

Oh, please return me to the start,
Because you are still in my heart.

I'm not big on poetry and I think most of my friends suck at it, but Sarah has always written beautiful poetry.

I'm now at my father's apartment, in Fairfax, VA, where I have been basically playing video games, cybering with big black men online and watching movies. We were supposed to go to Six Flags yesterday but it rained almost all day. Could be worse. I could be at work serving food to assholes. ::Shudder::

Let's see, what else do I have to say to you people? Uh, the time you've just wasted reading this journal, you could have been doing something cool like mailing me some money.

Brandon "Cash Master" Wiley
7613 N 17th Ave
Pheonix, Az 85021

I accept cash and checks only. Unless you want to send me your credit or debit card. That works too.

FANTOMBOX: i mean it could be worse
badlilangel56: i guess
FANTOMBOX: you could be ugly, fat, greasy hair, and dumb
badlilangel56: i am
FANTOMBOX: well, i know, but it still could be worse
badlilangel56: i know

Kids, you need to get the new Radiohead album if you have yet to. You're missing out on some good music. Hey! You listening to me?! Put down that damn Simple Plan cd and get yer ass to the record store and get Radiohead's Hail To The Theif album now! While you're there will you buy me Bob Dylan's Blonde On Blonde? Thanks.

Virginia stole all of Arizona's rain. Bastards...

Will someone shoot 50 Cent and make sure he dies this time?! What a horrible rapper, but I gotta admit, I like his line "I love you like a fat kid love cake." Now that's LOVE!

Make sure you go see Joseph and The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and the Herbergur. Check out VYT for more info. Sadly, I'm not in this one. I was too sexy to play Joseph.

More Ovaltime please.

Sam Anderson is still the whitest black dude alive. It's a damn shame, folks. He had so much potential to be black.

Sarah Hake is still the most beautiful woman in the world. Oh, that half asian. What she does to me.

My bro and I have been baby sitting my new baby brother William. He's a crack up. I never want to have kids.

Speaking of William. His whole name is William Randolph Wiley. Poor kid, he's better be cool when he gets into school because his name is going to really give kids some ammo. Randolph....haha. Poor kid. I never wants kids. Well, maybe one little girl ebcause they're so adorable. Wait, I gotta be manly. Damn, I ain't ever having kids. ::Scratches nuts:: I'm never gonna get married. ::Burps:: Chicks are only good for making babies and cooking me food. ::Farts and fans it towards face to catch a wiff:: Oh, man, I need a beer. And some poon. ::Flips through channels with remote control shaped like a chicks torso:: Yeah, poon. That's it. ::puts shotgun to mouth::

I'm a sad excuse for a man. I'm more of a dude. If that makes sence. Fook off!

Thank you Sarah Anderson for thanking me. You're a sweety. Congradulations on your Best Actress award. It was well deserved. I told you had acting skills.

Congradulations to Erin Morgan for her Lifetime Acheivement award. I swore Charley Boyd was gonna win it too. Damn...

Call up Sam Anderson and tell him he's white and then call him Spanky. His cell number is 434.944.1066. Hit him up and tell him I sent you.

Then hit up my cell and tell me how much you love me and how I make you oh so hot. 602.380.8031.

BM3LiLBiRDs: haha theres no food in this house
BM3LiLBiRDs: just a bunch of cake mix, thats all my mom makes is damn cake
BM3LiLBiRDs: like bakery cakes, and sells them
FANTOMBOX: oh, i wanna come to your house now
FANTOMBOX: and put the frosting on the cake
FANTOMBOX: in a non sexual way
FANTOMBOX: pervert!
FANTOMBOX: i know what you were thinking

Terminator 3 is coming out soon. I'm creaming my pants as I type this.

Anyone wanna go bowling with me when I get back to Phoenix? Call me and we'll go rolls some balls....and then bowl.

Well, I think I've given you enough until I finally get the urge to post again. Until next time, buy me tickets to Lollapalooza!! Oh, and take Cold off the roster. Screw Cold.

Do not, I repeat, DO FREAKIN' NOT go see The Matrix: Reloaded!!! Never has there been such a boring peice of film in which I have actually almost fell asleep in the theatre. That's right, I even managed to stay awake in Star Wars Episode I. (Damn you George Lucas!). Keanu Reaves once again resurects Ted 'Theodore' Logan from his only half way, some-what good flick Bill & Ted's(Both Excellent and Bogus Journeys). My point being he is one of the shittiest actors in Hollywood this side of Steven Segal. Modonna even looks good next to this guy. The effects weren't too bad but you could tell when it was computer animation and no longer the real actors. I beleive they should have used computer animation for Keanu at all times. But Keanu wasn't the only part I hated. The movie went on and on. There was this big dance scene in Zion mixed with a sex scene between Keanu and that chick which went on about....well they could have cut the whole damn thing. Not only did it only show Keanu's ass but I got to see a bunch of white people who can't dance for shit. But back to Keanu's butt, honestly why would they show his when they know their target audience will probably be males between the ages of 16 and 35 who have never seen a female naked with the exception of their Playboys and Hustlers that they found in a garbage can outside of McDonalds?! That of, course does not apply for Robert(ARSB) and I. By the way, Robert was on a 10 day leave from Afghanistan recently and we saw this Godawful peice of frozen urine in form of a summer blockbuster. Do something better with your time that seeing this "movie". Go eat some Vasoline on toast, start fires, rent Slingblade! ANYTHING! I'm sure you're gonna go see it anyway. I warned you.

Soon I'll be running from packs of 12 year old girls. I'll definetly have my choice of jailbait soon. I'm sure you may be asking yourself "Golly, Brandon, why is that?" Well, my dumb witted friend, Big Daddy B shall be in an upcoming editiong of YM. That's right. Young Miss magazine. I'm pimping it out with some chicks and a couple of guys(but who pays attention to men when good looking women are around?) at the "Hot Spot" in Pheonix. Yeah, we couldn't think of a good hot spot, so I recomended the "Hole in the Rock" near the Phoenix Zoo. which is just basically a small mountain with a big hole in it. Nothing special but you can get some beautiful picture up there...especially when I'm in them. Anyway, long story short about how I got in there; my friends' cousin is friends with a dude who chose YM magazine as his choice to shoot photos for....don't ask why, but he did. Dude needed people in the picture for the "hot spots" and they were chosen and I was asked to come along and since I'm such a hot peice of sex. Don't deny it. I'll keep you posted as to when that YM comes out so you can pick up a copy. Make sure you have a good excuse other than "daily check-up" when your mom catches you hammering to my picture.

FANTOMBOX: you figured out a gift for your boyfriend yet?
BuNNyq286: none of which his parents would approve of
BuNNyq286: im lookin at some nazi memorabila from WWII

Head Bangers Ball is coming back to Mtv. Maybe we'll hear some good music for once. No wait, we'll probably just get bombarded with more Linkin Park and Taproot videos. Oh joy.

gandalf086: only ugly chicks should be allowed to be lesbians
gandalf086: of course, then we wouldn't have great lesbian love scenes

Fred Durst just announced that the new Limp Bizkit album will be titled "Open Up and Say AHHHH." He goes on say that he got the title from Rivers Cumo after "log jammin' session" they shared together in a Comfort Inn in So-Cal. Makes sense.

Scott Weiland was arrested for possesion of "illegal narcotics." Lets hope it wasn't heroin again.

I'm gellin'. You gellin’?

On Sunday I was rockin' to REO Speedwagon, STYX and Journey. Yeah, well not so much rockin' with REO Speedwagon as much as I was wondering why the lead singer always looked as if he had to take a wicked dooky. STYX stole the show but I was pissed that they didn't play Mr Roboto. Plus, I wasn't digging the "hip" bass player who was rocking the wife beater, blonde-spiked hair. Didn't fit with a bunch of old rockers singing "Lady". Journey was OK. Emily was wetting herself over them. I just like the fact that they kicked their original singer out and got a new guy who looks, sounds, and has the same first name(Steve) as the original lead singer. Burn. Emily was going all pre-teen at a N'Sync concert when Journey was "rockin' it out in Phoenix, Arizonaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" I had fun even if there probably was a combined amount of 5 original members from all the bands combined. Plus it was funny to see middle aged drunk people play air guitar. Rock on drunk fat guys.

C.L.E.R.K.S. the cartoon blows! Give me The Simpsons anyday.

You know the end is near when Madonna, of all people, has a rap on her new single. Lord, save us all. Incase you've been living in the closet with your "friend" here is the rap for you.

I'm drinkin' a soy latte
I get a double shoté
It goes right through my body
And you know I'm satisfied
I drive my Mini Cooper
And I'm feeling super-duper
Yo they tell me I'm a trooper
And you know I'm satisfied
I do yoga and pilates
And the room is full of hotties
So I'm checking out their bodies
And you know I'm satisfied
I'm diggin' on the isotope
This metaphysics shit is dope
And if all this can give me hope
You know I'm satisfied
I got a lawyer and a manager
An agent and a chef
Three nannies, an assistant
And a driver and a jet
A trainer and a butler
And a bodyguard or five
A gardener and a stylist
Do you think I'm satisfied?

Word up to you material giznerl. Only a white person would rhyme "dope" and "isotope"! And only a midlife crises would cause someone to rhyme "super-dooper" with "Mini Cooper".

Deftones new album comes out tomorrow. Peep dat sheet!

Tomahawk's new album Mit Gas is already out. Why don't you have it?

I bet you saw Matrix Reloaded. It's OK with me if you but off a limb. You deserve it.

Lollapalooza is coming back with Jane's Addiction headlining again for the first time in about 12 years. I'm there. You gellin'?

Those Russian pedo-pop lesbians T.A.T.U. are squeezing ass all over America's already fecal-infested airwaves. And you thought the Cold War was over?!!

OL' DIRTY BASTARD IS FREE! Call your relatives, throw a party, never take another shower! Big Baby Jesus is free! Well, he's been free for a few days now, but I'm sure you didn't know that. He also changed his name to Dirt McGurt. He's in the studio with the Neptunes. Let's hope he gets back with Wu-Tang soon. Killa beez, ya'll!

Who is this sexy man? Yep, me as the Mad Hatter.

Who is this hot thing? Yep, me as the Sea King.

By now I'm sure you've had enough of me to last you a couple of hours. But I'll be back. Don't let whitey get you down. Plus the Martha Stewart movie is on. Big ups, Martha!

DreamVoice777: I was reading my Bible the other day and 3 dollars fell out!
DreamVoice777: Reading the Bible pays off!

First thing, come see the last Improv Show of this season at VYT this Saturday. It starts at 7pm, costs 5 bucks and located at 525 N First St in downtown Phoenix. Be there for some laughs and see me make an ass of myself, which is bound to happen.

Second, you need to come see Alice In Wonderland at VYT. It's April 25th through May 11. It's every Friday at 7, Saturday and Sunday at 12noon and 3pm. Cost is 12 bucks. Cheap! At 525 North First St in downtown Pheonix! I'm the Mad Hatter and I'll stil my 10 inch.....hat up your big shiney, snoody, white asses.

Get The White Stripes's new album Elephant. It's freakin kizoolio!

Don't get AFI's new album or God will kill an orphan.

If you still have yet to get an album by Pixies then you are heavily trippin on balls.

My theatre director/acting teacher from Heritage High School in Lynchburg, VA and his wife had a baby boy a couple of months ago. His name is Liam Orion Hart. Congradulations to Mr and Mrs Larry Hart. I miss you, man! I'll always credit you for redirecting my future.

Sarah Anderson is kicking much ass back at Heritage and stealing all the lead roles and proving she's the "stuff". And that she's hot. That's right, boys, you better treat her right because she'll be a big shot one day when she's starring in critically acclaimed movies directed by yours truly. Just watch.

Dane Cook will the at The Improv in downtown Tempe next month. You should check it out. Funny guy.

Thanks to those of you who have been sending in your questions for Specialist B. Wiley and Dr Johnny Wes to answer. Keep sending them and I promise we'll put them up soon. We just need more in order to do so. For more info on that, look at the journal entry below this one.

Don't get the new Reggie & The Full Effects album. I'm taking it back to Zia and trading it towards the new Prince live box set.

Sopranos Season 5 is finally underway. Why do this Hollywood pricks always want more money? James Gandolphini is an amazing actor and he has to make an ass out of himself by wanting more money. No respect for the buisness...damn shame. Almost as bad as professional baseball players.

I ate at this Chinese/Vietnamese resteraunt on friday night and they serve "beef balls". Yes, thats what you think it us. I should have gotten those for Wes. We know how he likes balls in his mouth.

I'm done. Until next time, you beautiful people, you!

That's right send us your questions. Don't f*cking blow this one off or we'll find out where you live, use your bathroom and leave the toilet seat up! It will only take a couple of seconds to e-mail one of us with a simple question or questions. We'll post your question, along with your name(unless asked not to), and answers by both Dr. Johnny Wes and I, Specialist B. Wiley. Don't put this one off! We need your questions in order to get this running. So send a question to either Specialist B. Wiley at FANTOMBOX@hotmail.com or Dr. Johnny Wes at JoWeHyCe@aol.com. Once again this cannot be done without you so get to asking! We know you need out help! If you think you don't have any problems now just wait until we piss on the toilet seat without cleaning it up. Much love!

I'll add more to my journal later. Oh yeah, I'm rockin' the Mad Hatter in VYT's version of Alice In Wonderland. I expect you to see it. More info later...

First off let me say that Will Ferrall is gonna be a comic legend. He steals the show everytime. I saw Old School tonight and it was FUNNY! Will=Funny! Plus you get to see breasts, Will's ass and dong. Oh Joy!

Saw The Breeders last Saturday night thanks to Jani. Great show. Kim Deal's voice hasn't changed. Still perfect. Very tight group, musically. The Dagons (pronounced Day Gones) opened and they were good. They reminded me of The White Stripes if Jack played drums and Meg played guitar. But different from the Stripes, musically. Check those bands out unless you're a sexist prick. If that's the case, then you need to stick to Limp Bizkit or those other steak heads Linkin Park.

Got Pixies?

Saw the Sno Core Tour when it rolled around here on Monday. The bands included Dredg(missed them due to my tardiness), Hot Water Music(rocked), Glassjaw(didn't care too much about them until I saw them live), and Sparta(always rocks). Great show. Worth every penny that I didn't have to pay. Join street teams, kiddies. You get free crap.

Bad news for those of you who shop at American Eagle and watch the WB. Dawson's Creek has run it's long and boring course. They are coming to an end. Damn!

Russians scare me. They eat people...or something like that.

Robin Williams is gonn abe in a movie called The Big White or something along that line. Instant classic. If you still haven't seen One Hour Photo you are tripp-in!!

Mr Ed is coming back!! About 6 inbreds in Georgia just gave a "yeehawww".

Cheech&Chong are talking about making a new film together again. Well, if you have ever seen any Cheech& Chong films you know that the first two were the only funny ones. The rest are about as funny as rubbing your nuts on a cheese grater. Don't front, I know you've tried that, too!

Ladies and little boys, you are looking at the Mad Hatter in VYT's priduction of Alice In Wonderland. No, sorry this isn't the cheesy, song filled Disney version. This is the theatrical adaptation of the book. I'll give you more info on the show when I get it. What!

You kids need to check out De Facto. Good stuff. Jani is my best friend and more. She is so good to me. Much love to you, Jani. We're going to see Henry Rollins on his spoken word tour on Tuesday. Should be interesting. Then on Friday we're gonna see Frank Black&The Catholics. That will rock.

I must stop now. I fear I have shared too much with you all as it is. ADIOS!

If you bought CDs between 1995 and Dec 22nd, 2002, you got shafted by your buddies at the record store. Turns out, during that period of time they had set prices and got themselves an extra $480 mil between 1997 and 2000 alone. Well, they got what they had coming to them for robbing you. They got sued for $143 mil. Think you deserve some of that cash? Then hit up MusicCdSettlement.com and answer a couple of questions and wait for the cash to flow in. Bastards.

The Little Mermaid went over well, for the most part. I was sad that it ended but I didn't wanna do another performance of it. Thanks to those of you who came to it.

Tomorrow I'm in a improv show. It starts at 7 at VYT at 1121 N First St. Only $4. If you don't know what I'm talking about, just imagine Who's Line Is It Anyway live. Booya!

I saw Hedwig & The Angry Inch being performed at The Scottsdale Arts Center on Wednesday. Amazing, rocking and funny. If you haven't seen the movie or the theatrical version, STOP TRIPPIN' and see it! The most original "musical" ever made.Chicago doesn't have crap on this, kiddies.

Kids, do you have any albums by the Pixies yet? Probably not. Don't buy another Good Charlotte album until you buy Pixies. Then you'll know what real punk is. If you live in the Phoenix area you can check out the band that formed by the members after Pixies split. The Breeders(featuring former Pixies bass player, Kim Deal) with Imperial Teen(featuring the ex keyboard player of Faith No More) at Bash At The Ash on Feb 15. Tickests are $17.50.

Frank Black & The Catholics(featuring former Pixies lead singer, Black Francis) and with opener David Lovering(former Pixies drummer) will be at Nita's Hideaway on Feb 28 at 7pm. No idea of the price yet.

Sparta will be at Nita's on Feb 17th. You better check that out or I'll be forced to perform the art of Chinese water torture on your genitals.

Queens Of The Stone Age will be at Nita's on March 2nd.

Pretty Girls Make Graves(featuring former members of The Murder City Devils) will be hitting up Pheonix next month also. I forgot when and where, though. Not like you care anyway.

Oh, and that scary dude Henry Rollins is gonna be coming through here doing a spoken word on Feb 25th at the Celebrity Theatre. Aparently this guy thinks he's somewhat of a comedian now. Well, I'll be there and I'll laugh at his jokes, but only because I don't want him beating my ass.

Scott Stapp wishes he was Jesus. Even Jesus laughs at how lame Scotty boy is.

I have more evidence of why Faith Hill(and all country musicians) blow. She was quoted saying, "I don't write my own songs. I don't have time." Country is a joke.

Michael Jackson just scares me now.

Rivers Cuomo is more pathetic than I thought. He plays guitar on one of Limp Bizkit's song on their next album. Just when I thought he couldn't suck anymore...

Seriously, go to the record store right now and get an album by the Pixies. They'll rock you and you'll thank me for it.

Emo...

Pop Punk...

New Found Glory is about as punk as Hall & Oates.

I'm done now. I'm tired. I need sleep. Stay black.

First off, you're coming to see THe Little Mermaid on January 17-February 2. That's Fridays at 7 P.M. and Saturdays and Sundays at 12 Noon and 3PM. It's only 12 bucks a person. It's playing at the Valley Youth Theatre on 525 N. First St in downtown Phoenix. I'm the sexy Sea King. Be there or I'll go back in time and abort you.

I picked up the latest ZiaZine at Zia Records the other day and it gave me a better reason to hate 3 Doors Down more than I already did. They had an interview with the guitarist(Chris Henderson) and bassist(Todd Harrell) and had them give their opinions on songs. And when it came time to give their opinion on the song "Hollywood Squares" by The Dilinger Escape Plan with Mike Patton, here is what those ass faces had to say. Keep in mind, they're talking about it as they listen to it.
Chris: That sucks....wait a minute...yeah, that sucks.
Todd: What the hell is he saying?
Chris: That was not even a SONG!

Excuse me, Chris, but could you repeat that for me?
Chris: That was not even a SONG!
Oh, well damn! I'm sorry if Mike Patton's music doesn't do the typical song structure like your shitty ass band does. I guess ol' Mikey Patton should be doing the boring verse chorus, verse, chorus, verse, chorus, guitar solo, chorus and end with a lot of distortion shit that you pricks do over and over again. Sorry if Mike Patton is the most original musician since Prince. 3 Doors Down need to just be wiped off the face of the Earth with a very large gun. And for those of you who don't know who Mike Patton is, I feel bad for you.

gandalf086: you want to make money?
FANTOMBOX: how?
gandalf086: get into the porno business
FANTOMBOX: done and done
gandalf086: business is booming

Emily Stones paid me to mention her. She gave me a LOT of money. Now I'm living in a mansion with a permanent cocain mustache. Thanks, Emily!

You will now like Jimmie's Chicken Shack!

Billy Corgan looks like a fat headed version of Sinhead O'Connor. I'm turned on.

Jani is so sweet to me.

Someone buy me season 1 of The Sopranos. NOW!

Sparta is coming to Nita's next month. I got free tickets. I better see you there. Wanna go with me? I could probably get you in for free.

Well, I think you should be happy that this journal is this long. I must sleep and dream of being the president of N.A.M.B.L.A. I love you all! First, lets recap. What did we learn today?
-You have to come see The Little Mermaid at VYT or you will be aborted.
-3 Doors Down don't know what music is.
-I should be a porn star.
-Emily Stone is easy to scam money from. So kind...
-JCS is off da heeezay!
-Billy Corgan is a lesbian.
-Jani is a honey.
-I'll have season 1 of The Sopranos soon thanks to you.
-You want to see Sparta in concert. Bitch!
-N.A.M.B.L.A. is for kids.
-I rock your mind night and day.
-I'm going to bed now. G'night.

I hope you had a great New Years. I was sick as a dog so there wasn't much celebrating from me. Thank God Jani was there to keep me company and make me feel better.

Texans make me laugh. Especially when they kill their friend because he took the last beer.

Wal-Mart makes me laugh. And so does a pregnant Barbie. But pregnant Barbie doesn't make Wal-Mart laugh. Well, maybe I understand. It's just funny to think about. I mean when you a pregnan woman, it's obvious they had sex. But, how did Barbie get knocked up? Ken? Do we want little girls playing with this and then wanting to be knocked up Barbie too? Sure we do. It'll give me something else to laugh at.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

You call all rest now. Fidel Castro's bug bite has healed now. Thank God. I was getting worried for a while. Don't want that 76 year old commi to die yet.

I saw the movie Narc early Nov because I had a special screening pass. Amazing movie. It's coming out this month. Diggity check it out.

Pixies could rock you new anus.

"I was trying to write the ultimate pop song, I was basically trying to rip off the Pixies." Kurt Cobain on 'Smells Like Teen Spirit', Rolling Stone magazine, January 1994.

Anyone got any mafia connections? I wanna join. I've been watching too many Sopranos and organized crime movies lately. Help me.

Well, chillins, I must sleep, for I have rehearsals and I must be all gay and fruity for theater. Peace out.