Words were meaningless as he thought about Matt and wondered what the younger man was doing.

"Earth to Kevin."

Surprised, Kevin turned around to see Nick smirking at him. "Sorry, what?"

The blond chuckled. "Nothing. You were just..."

"Daydreaming," Alex added with a small smile. "Been like that for the past five minutes."

Kevin chuckled embarrassingly, ducking his head. "Sorry, I was..."

"Thinking about Matt," Alex added once again. "Doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure that out."

"We've been rather busy lately," Brian said as he stood up and walked to pick up a bottle of water from the small cooler. "Yep. We know."

"That's nothing new, really," Howie said with a roll of his eyes.

"Amanda started complaining again last night." Alex snorted. "Started going on and on with the old How long are you going to play the dutiful boyfriend tomorrow, ten minutes? charade. That woman gotta update her repertoire."

Howie laughed, picking up his comb and started combing his hair as they waited for the photographer to call them. "She'd kill ya if she heard ya."

"Well, that's why I tell you guys and not her, isn't it?"

"Has Matt say anything?" Nick asked with a tilt of his head, sure he would have heard comments about the subject from Kate.

Kevin shook his head, placing the papers back in his file, surrendering to the fact that he couldn't focus at the moment. "He doesn't complain. He told me once it was work and he understood."

Alex snorted. "Like hell he does." Lighting one cigarette, Alex took a long drag. "Remember how you told me about this a couple of days ago?" Alex waited long enough for Kevin to nod. "Yeah, well, I told Amanda about it last night and she said she'd get info out of Matt."

Nick chuckled, shaking his head. "Tell her to try. She won't get anything."

"What makes you so sure? My Manda bear can get oil from a cactus," Alex said with a small smirk.

"I don't doubt her tactics of persuasion, but God knows it only works on you. Anyhow, she won't get anything because there's nothing to say."

Kevin tilted his head to the side, wondering what Nick knew that he didn't. "You mean he doesn't mind?"

"Nope. Kate told me about it a while back," Nick said with a small shrug, getting a sandwich from the food table and munching on it. "Matt's pretty peculiar, if you ask me. Kate said he doesn't get jealous."

"He told me about that," Kevin supplied softly.

"Yep. He's not the kind to miss people and he doesn't mind if you don't have time."

Brian looked surprised, and confused. "That's... peculiar alright."

"Weird more like it," Alex said slowly, smoke coming from his lips and his nostrils. "Amanda would cut my dick off in one of her jealousy fits."

"That's because you give her ground to," Howie commented.

"Hey, I do not."

"Alex, please," Brian rolled his eyes. "You flirt with anyone."

"One thing it's flirting, another entirely different it's... hitting on someone."

"Yeah, well, tell that to Amanda." Nick grinned at Alex and the older man only shot him the finger.

There was a knock on the door, and the guys turned around to see a woman peering through the ajar door. "Excuse me. Paul asks if you're ready."

Kevin nodded, standing up along with the guys. "Sure."

They walked out of the room and into the wide setting that had been placed for the photo shoot, and Kevin let out a long sigh. He missed Matt terribly, and he wished he could know Matt felt the same about him.

*****

I shook my head in disbelieve, reluctantly following Kate as both her and Amanda entered yet another store.

Apparently, for Amanda, going clubbing tonight meant going shopping in the morning. Kate had been pleased with the idea and even called Lilyan asking her if she could spend a little bit outside the limit.

"I don't have much summer clothes," Kate said, twirling the cord phone in one finger as she talked with Lilyan and I could only rolled my eyes.

Liar, I mouthed, but she only shooed me.

Lilyan let her get something else, but told her she better stop with that shopping spree, because she had been spending too much.

I could totally assert to that.

"Matt, do you like this?"

I turned around and glanced at the shirt Kate had up in her hands. It was dark blue, plain and simple. "Yep."

"Okie dokie."

I rolled my eyes. I knew she was buying it.

"Matt," I turned once again, but this time it was Amanda walking towards me, draping her arm around my shoulder, "how are you sweetie?"

I lifted one eyebrow. A question like that with a tone like such, seemed to promise trouble. "Why?"

She shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't know... I mean, you haven't had much time with Kevin lately, have you?"

I waved it off with a small smile. "It's not big deal. I know he's got work."

"Matt, honey, you don't have to pretend with me. I know it. I understand. I hate it when I can't even see Alex for ten minutes in a row."

I chuckled. "Don't you think you're over-reacting?"

Amanda shook her head, her hand moving to my chin, forcing me to look at her in the eyes. "Tell me the truth."

I chuckled rather nervously because, in other given circumstances, I would have thought she was going to kiss me. "I'm telling you the truth Manda, I'm fine. I don't mind it if Kevin's working."

She frowned, letting her hand fall down and looking at me with an unreadable expression. "I don't believe it. You really don't mind."

I nodded, even though it wasn't exactly a question. "Yep. I don't."

"See?" Kate said, passing us by with a couple of shirts in her hand and a pair of shoes. She was going to get shoes, too? "I told you," she continued, "he really doesn't mind."

"I don't believe it. Fuck," Amanda said, not only sounding surprised, but looking twice as bewildered. "Fuck. How can you not mind?"

I shrugged naturally, trying to find a way to explain. "I don't know..."

"I mean," Amanda continued, still surprised, "Alex told me Kevin told him that you didn't mind the tight schedule, but I thought Kevin had been shitting him. Hell, Alex thought it too."

"So he asked you to ask me?" I raised one eyebrow.

She nodded. "I told J I'd find out. I'd make you tell me, and then report back to him."

Report? Report? Was this some kind of conspiracy against me and I hadn't even noticed?

"But you don't." She tilted her head to the side. "How come?"

I shrugged again. "What do you want me to do? He's busy with work. It's not like I can ask him to leave it all to be with me."

"Why not?"

I laughed out loud, and the way she had presented the question, it sounded like she actually would.

When I turned to look at her, she still had that confused look on her face.

I gasped. "You asked him that?"

"Hell yeah," Amanda said, "you weren't there for the last tour. It was shit. It was more than shit. I barely got to see Alex for like... twenty minutes every other day. I asked him to at least give me half a day to actually pretend he was my fucking boyfriend."

I rolled my eyes, not wanting to say anything about the matter. "Well, that was you. He's got work. I get that. I know what being busy is, Manda, I can't ask him something like that."

"Well, shit, you're a better person than me. And for long, too."

I laughed with a shake of my head. "It's not like that."

"Yeah, it is," she pouted slightly as she started looking through a couple of very small shirts, picking one up. "I can't believe you don't miss him."

"He's working. It's not like he isn't with me because he doesn't want to. Besides, I see him."

"Every night, I know," Amanda said with a roll of her eyes. "I'm in the same shitty boat, remember? But every night it's not enough. I want an afternoon. I don't want to spend it all alone."

"Well, thanks," Kate said with a sarcastic tone, "what are we, chopped liver?"

"Oh, sweetie," Amanda said, hands going to her shoulders and hugging her tightly, face to face, "I love hanging with you all, but it's not the same. I can't fuck you."

Kate scrunched up her face for a moment. "Ew. Though, yeah, I get it." She shrugged. "You should leave it at that, Matt it's like that and he won't change."

"Well then, Kevin's one lucky dude," Amanda said, tilting her head as she looked at another shirt, this one seeming to be made of something like leather. "Not anyone has such an understanding boyfriend."

I chuckled embarrassingly, ducking my head as I pretended to look at some pants. I just hoped Kevin thought the same.

*****

Coming out of the shower, I placed one towel around my waist, using another one to dry my hair.

I heard a whistle and I turned around, blushing slightly as I saw Kevin entering the room, one eyebrow raised.

"Hello there, stranger."

I chuckled as he walked toward me, placing his arms around my waist and kissed me deeply. I melted into the kiss, feeling Kevin's heated skin against my own, and I kissed him back passionately.

Kevin purred as we parted, and he moved to whisper in my ear, kissing my neck as he did so. "Maybe we should stay," he said huskily, the whiskers of his goatee brushing my chin and I trembled unconsciously. "You look lovely."

I bit back the groan that seemed to threaten to come from lips. Kevin had that effect on me.

I laughed nervously, and I didn't want to ask myself if it was because of the question, of the fact that I might give in if he asked again.

"The guys would kill us," I mumbled under my breath while Kevin continued kissing me, his trail of kisses moving to my clavicle, and I melted in his arms.

We moved to the bed, and I sat down as Kevin continued kissing me. I turned to look at him, and I could see his green eyes darkening with lust.

I smiled at him nervously, feeling a fluttering in my stomach. Kevin saw me, really saw me, not the blur he seemed to be gazing at under the induced desired, and he paused in one second.

I saw him trembled slightly, then pulled away.

"I'm sorry," he said, standing up and letting out a shaky breath. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

I almost rolled my eyes at his reaction. Respect had fallen under a whole new meaning. "Kevin, don't worry..."

"You told me not to--"

"Don't worry about what I said." I stood up, sure of the words leaving my lips. "Really," I whispered softly, my hand moving to his chin as I caressed it lovingly. "I love you."

Kevin's semblance softened, and a smile perked on his lips. "I love you too."

"What I said before..." What seemed like ages ago in that instant, "I meant it... back then. I didn't want..." I chuckled. "I didn't want to sleep with you, because we'd been together for such a short time."

"What's different now?"

I asked myself the same thing. What was different?

Time, for starters. I've been with him on the tour for the past five weeks. We had had a blast, we had had our small arguments, but we were still together. That was a lot more than I would have predicted.

I love him. That was one strong point. I love him a lot. I felt for him something I hadn't before.

I felt safe for him, no matter how he made me lose my temper with his tendency to over react, and worry out of his mind.

I loved him.

I smiled softly at him, and kissed with deeply. Kevin kissed me, but he seemed to be holding back. I pushed against his lips, biting down his lower lip, entering his mouth and conquering, making it mine.

Kevin surrender under me, and it felt a million times better to know that I had the same effect on him that he had on me.

His arms went around my waist, and I felt him hardening, pressing against my tight, and this I groaned.

Kevin purred, the sound sounding like a bitten moan, and he returned the kiss tenfold.

We moved slowly, one of us seeming to make the first motion, and I didn't know which one of us did it.

Moments later, in a blink of an eye, I was laying on the bed, Kevin by my side, his hand on my naked chest, his other one touching my face.

We might have continued, he would have continued, if a knock on the door wouldn't have interrupted.

Kevin groaned in annoyance, and I just chuckled.

"Shit," he muttered as he sat down on the bed, pushing himself away from me. He took one look at my obviously flushed face, and groaned again. "Shit, shit, shit."

I laughed again, leaning on my propped up elbows, watching him with a raised eyebrow. "Door," I said.

Kevin shook his head. "Shit, shit." He turned around and walked out of the bedroom.

I saw him accommodating himself right before the door closed after him and I laughed out loud, letting myself fall down on the bed.

I sighed in content, closing my eyes slightly. I trembled unconsciously, and i wondered if it was because of what might have happened.

Letting myself shrug in pleasure, I grinned from ear to ear before standing up and walking towards my suitcase.

Placing my chosen clothes on the bed, I put on some underwear and was picking up a pair of dark cargo just as Kevin returned.

"Who was it?"

"Room service," Kevin said with a slight pout.

I chuckled as I walked towards him, kissing the pout away.

"I'm sorry we were interrupted," Kevin whispered against my ear, and I chuckled. He pulled away, raising one eyebrow at me. "Are you laughing at me?"

"Paranoid," I said as I planted a small kiss on his lips before pulling away once again, picking up my jeans.

I felt his hands on my hips, and I turned around to gaze at him questioningly.

"I like you better like this," he drawled, and I grinned at him.

"Sorry babe," I told him, the word sounding off in my lips, "but the guys will be here in any minute."

"I'll call them," he said as he kissed the nape of my neck.

I tumbled slightly, but didn't lose my poise. "Kevin," I said warningly.

"Arg," Kevin groaned, shaking his head. He turned around and headed for the shower.

I paused, stunned, waiting for Kevin to walk out of the bathroom and say something, anything really.

I heard the spray coming to life and I felt myself frowning, my jaw tightening.

He was mad at me. Great. Perfect.

Just... perfect.

I put on my clothes in two seconds time and was out of the room before Kevin could even pick up the shampoo. My neck started burning, and it was from anger rather than lust.

Why would he get mad at me for something so... stupid?

I rolled my eyes and told myself I didn't care, I wouldn't care. I hadn't care about someone's reaction for eight fucking years of my life, I wasn't going to start now.

The door opened a moment later and Kate walked in.

"What do you think?" She asked, parading for me, turning her hips from one side to the other, her arms wide and a smile on her face.

I only snorted. "Nice."

She frowned, walking towards me. "What's wrong?"

I waved it off, going to the food table and putting some stuff on my plate. I didn't even paid attention to it.

"Matt?"

I groaned loudly, then shook my head. "Later."

"But--"

"Later, okay?" I asked hastily, then sighed. "Later."

Kate nodded, knowing better than to keep on questioning me when I was in a state like such. She leaned over and placed a kiss on my shoulder, hugging me from one side as her right hand rubbed my right forearm.

"I love you sweetie."

"Me too," I said, turning around and placing small peck on her lips.

The boys started pouring after that, one after another, making the silent room fill with noise, and it was perfect for the mood I was in.

With the guys there, Kevin wouldn't say something, or ask me something. He could be as much of an ass as he wanted and I didn't even have to pay attention to him.

As predicted, Kevin walked out of the room about twenty minutes later. We had already started eating.

Brian walked towards him, one eyebrow raised. I didn't hear what Kevin said, but it was obvious he waved it off. I bit back the grin that threatened to form in my lips.

Brian had asked me about Kevin a while back and I had only shrugged my shoulder. "Shower, I guess," I told him, and he had frowned, surprised at my tone and behavior.

It was plainly obvious we weren't in our best terms, and I was glad the boys let it be. I wasn't in the mood to be patronized, not for Kevin, let alone for the guys.

"Let's go," Kevin said, motioning for us to leave the room.

I felt his eyes on me, and I purposely ignored him. I wasn't in the mood to talk, but fight, and I wasn't going to fight with the guys there.

"You haven't eaten anything," Brian said, surprised.

Kevin shrugged it off, and Brian could only let it fall.

We walked out of the room, and I placed myself between Kate and Nick, and we started talking right away. Nick asked what was going on, as expected by this moment, and I promised to tell him later.

I even sat with them in the back, Kevin right in the front, arms crossed and looking out of the window.

"What's wrong?" Nick whispered into my ear.

I rolled my eyes. "Later," I said. I couldn't talk with the guys right there, and if I tried to whisper the whole deal, they'd end up not hearing a thing.

Kate humped impatiently, crossing her arms under her breasts. I chuckled, shaking my head, and leaned over to give her a small kiss on the lips.

"Don't pout," I told her. "It provokes early wrinkling."

Kate chuckled, turning around to slap my shoulder, and I yelped. I tickled her slightly, and she started chuckling loudly.

"Oh, by the way," I told her, tilting my head and really looking at her outfit. She was wearing a tight skirt, the one she had bought with Leigh and me, and a pink top that fit like a second skin. Anyone would think she was planning to get lucky tonight. "You look stunning," I told her.

She beamed with pride, and kissed me back. "Thank you."

Nick nodded. "Yep. You look very hot."

She blushed as the compliment came from him, and just slapped him on the shoulder.

I chuckled, forgetting all about the argument as we started talking.

*****

Eyes glued on the review mirror, Kevin's frown deepened. He saw Matt kissing Kate on the lips, chuckling at the action. She slapped him and he yelped, laughing as he tickling the young girl.

Kevin's jaw set, eyes squinting slightly. He saw Matt seizing her up and down, looking at her almost hungrily, and said something Kevin couldn't hear.

Kate seemed pleased with what Kevin guessed was a compliment, and kissed him on the lips. She blushed, ducking her head, then slapped Nick on the shoulder for something the blond had added.

Matt chuckled again, and Kevin could feel his neck burning with a mixture of jealousy and regret. The three of them started talking amicably, chuckling, Matt not even once turning to look his way.

Kevin sighed softly, his eyes moving from the mirror to the window, gazing outside the dark night, and he sighed once again.

His heart clenched and unclenched regularly, and Kevin was sure it was longing.

*****

"Come on!"

I chuckled, shaking my head as Kate started pushing me out of the booth the guys had claimed as ours. It was in the VIP section -- I hadn't even realized clubs had VIPs sections.

"Matt, come on! I wanna dance!"

I complied, leaving my drink on the table as I stood up, extending my hand for Kate to take. She pulled me towards the dance floor and I could just followed.

We had been dancing for quite a while sometime, almost every song. Whatever song Kate liked, we danced.

It had been quite a sight to see when we arrived. We came in the limo, eight people walking out of the car. The boys walked towards the door like they owned the placed, everyone waiting in line just glaring at them.

It had been a little bit tricky for the guys to get in the club, Kate and I being underaged and all that. Alex, being the man of the world he was, knew the bouncer and paid him extra for letting us in.

I looked down at my wrist, a small blue half moon seal. It meant we could leave the place if we wanted, and come back without having to pay again. It almost meant we could drink.

Kate placed both her arms around my neck, resting her head on my shoulder as she whispered in my ear. "Are you still mad?"

I snorted. I had already told Kate everything that happened before, in between dances and trips to the bar.

She giggled a little, shaking her head. "Kevin's nuts."

"No shit," I told her, and she only giggled once again at the word. She tended to do that, giggle whenever I curse when she was drunk.

I tended to get madder than usual, like I was at the moment.

"He'll forget it," Kate purred against my neck, making me tickle.

"Yeah, well, he better not. He better have a good damn apology, that's what he better do."

Kate giggled again.

I looked down at her, her head still on my shoulder as she moved against me, her legs touching mine, her hip pressed against mine.

"You've had too much to drink."

"Pssst..."

"You did." I tilted my head. Kate was half out of it. "When? Last I knew you only had a rum and coke."

She chuckled, and shrugged comically.

"Amanda, right?" I asked her, and she only giggled some more. "What did she give you?"

"Did you know tequila it's really yummy?"

I rolled my eyes. "After last time, you actually had tequila?"

Kate lifted her brown eyes at me. "It's yummy."

I checked my watch. It was already a little after two. Maybe we wouldn't stay here for long. As far as I knew, the boys had something to do around nine tomorrow. I didn't think they'd stay long if had things to do in the morning.

*****

Green eyes moved along the dance floor, finding that he was seeking. Seeing the woman resting her body against his, her arms around his neck, head on his shoulder, Kevin growled and took a long shot of his whiskey.

The alcohol burned down his throat, and he grimaced at the taste.

"You're a jackass, you do know that, right?"

Lifting his eyes to look at his younger cousin, Kevin's jaw tightened at the comment. "What is that suppose to mean?"

Brian lifted one eyebrow. "What do you mean, what? You do something like that, react like that, and you dare to sit here gawking... murdering Kate with your eyes? That's pretty hypocrite of you?"

Kevin rolled his eyes, picking up his glass. "Shut up Brian."

"No," Brian hissed, leaning against the table, scooting over closer to Kevin. "I saw the way you looked at Kate when she told Matt to dance. What do you expect? That they'd seat down together, rooting in here? Please. What's wrong with them dancing?"

"Nothing," Kevin spitted the word.

"You fucked up Kevin, not him. You."

"I did nothing wrong."

Brian snorted. "That's the power of denial, isn't it? You can pretend you are innocent." Brian shook his head, still surprised at Kevin's behavior.

When he asked Matt about Kevin, and the younger man closed to brushed him off, he knew Kevin had done something.

It was understandable that there were rough patched in their relationship. It was a new partnership, with one of the members rather young for something more committed, but at the same time it seemed like they could do anything but commit.

Matt had agreed to join Kevin in the tour, which was risky in any relationship. They were practically leaving together, and Matt barely saw Kevin, and still, things were doing fine.

Brian knew it had to do mostly thanks to Matt's attitude. It couldn't be easy to have your boyfriend with you but not be able to be with him at the same time. But Matt understood, and Kevin should have been very grateful for that.

However, Brian knew it was anything but the case. He knew Kevin wanted jealousy, and demands for more time. He knew Kevin wanted Matt to be offended, to rant about how Kevin worked too much, very much like Amanda did with Alex. But Matt different, and Kevin didn't see that.

And then, after all that, he had to go and be offended because Matt wouldn't sleep with him. How chivalry of him.

"You're an ass Kevin. Accept it. You're an ass."

That being said, Brian stood up and walked over to the bar to get a refill.

Kevin snorted, finishing his third of a glass in one shot.

"He's right. You know that."

Kevin felt like punching Alex's face for that comment.

"What?" Alex said, sitting on the other side of the semi circular booth the boys had gotten, right across from Kevin, where Matt and Kat had been only minutes before. "Can't accept the truth for what it is?"

"Shut the fuck up Alex, okay? This is none of your business."

"Shit, yeah," Alex said, leaning over as not to yell over the loud music. Brown angered eyes glared at green uncaring ones. "You might be older Kevin, but I've got more experience in relationships. I know what it takes to fuck them up. I know exactly what you need to do to screw it royally. And you're doing exactly it."

"Alex, fuck, why don't--"

"Shut up Kevin! Shut up!" Alex yelled, surprising even Kevin as he slammed his fist against the table, making Kevin's glass and his own shake with the force. "What, you think Matt's just being a sissy for getting mad at ya? If it had been me, I would have punched your lights out. But Matt it's better that. I ain't. You go and do that, make Matt feel like shit, and you expect him to apologize?"

"You don't know the whole story," Kevin said through clenched teeth.

"Oh, I know the story alright. I heard you telling Brian as you swallowed your sorry ass in two glasses of scotch." Alex snorted, picking up his shot of tequila and drowning it one gulp. "You were getting it on with Matt when room service got there. Then Matt, being the eighteen year old he is, thought better of it and decided he wasn't ready yet, and when you went back, meaning to continue what you started, he turned you down. And you, being the fuck you are, went to the shower."

Kevin snorted at the tale.

Alex lifted one dark eyebrow at his older friend. "What? Can't take no for an answer?"

"It's not that."

"Then, what is it?" Alex leaned back against the booth, one arm sliding along the cushion. "You were too hard to take care of it yourself? Please, you wouldn't be first to be shot down Kevin. I've been there. You shut up, say you understand, and go to the bathroom. Simple as that."

"It's not that," Kevin's teeth seemed to be close to start trembling, and Alex wondered if Kevin would punch him.

"Then? Come on, tell me. Say it."

Kevin sighed, anger and frustration leaving him in that second, and he just felt tired. Tired for getting mad at Matt, tired for not being him that was grinding against the young man, tired for not acting better.

Seeing the change in demeanor in Kevin, Alex's voice softened just a notch, tilting his head. "What is it Kev?"

"It feels..." Kevin sighed softly, feeling stupid for saying the words out loud. "It feels like he doesn't care."

Alex's surprise was evident in his face, and he rose on eyebrow. "What?"

Kevin snorted in self-deprecation. "I know what it is to miss someone. I know what it is to be there and not have the time. I feel it every day. I feel it when I leave Matt asleep every morning to go to a photo shoot or an interview. I stand by him, watching him sleep and I know I have to go, and I miss him, even though I'm right there. I miss him."

Green eyes moved down to his empty glass, his finger roaming the edge of the glass. "And then, when I come back, Matt's there, readying, or watching TV, very much amused by this or that. He kisses me and tells me something about his day, and I feel my heart filling up with love and I don't even want to imagine leaving him next morning. I know that, but Matt..."

Alex sighed, getting one cigarette of his pack, lighting with his Zippo. Blowing away the smoke in between his barely parted lips, Alex finished the phrase, "Matt doesn't."

Kevin nodded sadly, snorted once again. "It sounds stupid--"

"It doesn't."

"-- and I know I'm over reacting, but I just... I wonder sometimes, if he feels the same way. This..." Kevin's hand moved to his sweater, just above his heart. "This... strong. When he..." Kevin gulped embarrassingly, ducking his head.

Alex chuckled, guessing what Kevin was going to say. "Don't worry. I have a strong stomach. Tell me, I won't get sick."

Kevin shrugged, looking up at Alex. "When he reacted to me, when I touched him and he moaned, I knew he did. He had to. He had to feel this for me, and I could hear it, feel it, and I liked it."

Alex nodded, understanding finally falling into piece. "And then he didn't want and you wondered if maybe he didn't anymore."

With his eyes on his glass, his head ducked, Kevin nodded.

They just sat there for a moment. Kevin not saying anything, and Alex smoking his cigarette, when Alex started laughing.

Kevin lifted his eyes to the younger man, one eyebrow raised, indignation in his face. He had just poured his guts to AJ, told him something he hadn't even said Matt, and he was laughing?

"What the--"

Alex raised one hand, cutting Kevin in mid word. "Sorry, but it's just..." He shrugged. "He's different Kevin, you should know that. Of all people, you should know that. He's just..." He shrugged again. "I don't know, but the fact that he doesn't mind you working doesn't mean he doesn't' love you. Hell, Amanda bugs me all the time about that and I'm telling you, that doesn't prove she loves me more than I love her. It's just... shit."

"No, Alex--"

"Let me finish," Alex said, continuing as Kevin looked at him with an amused expression. "Let me finish. He's like that. That must have liked you back when you first met him, because you were very smitten by him, and don't deny it, coz even I see it now. The thing is... he loves you. He might not mind you working, but I don't think he'd put up with it if he didn't love you."

He paused, taking a long drag of his cigarette being going on with his Freud explanation of the deepness of the heart that surprised Kevin. "And about this last thing.... hell, he must have some balls for pushing you away. He loves you, and he probably wants to fuck your brains out, but he doesn't because... well, he sure as hell should have his reasons not to. I guess, and this is just a wild guess, that he's taking his time."

Kevin thought about it for a moment, the corners of his lips twitching up as he thought about what matt had told him.

"He said," Kevin said slowly, love evident in his voice, "he said he didn't want to hurry things up."

Alex extended his hand, tilting his head to the side. "See? There you go. He probably wants to wait a little bit more. I don't know why. Maybe... maybe he wants to see if this is going to work before jumping into bed with you."

"I love him," Kevin whispered.

Alex nodded. "I know. Matt knows. You just gotta show it from time to time."

Kevin chuckled, looking at Alex, his eyes them shifting to the young man dancing on the dance floor with his female friend. His heart softened and the smile grew as he looked at matt.

"You sure are head over heels for him, aren't you?"

Kevin nodded. "Yep. Can't help it."

Alex laughed, ending his ciggie and putting it out in the almost filled ashtray. "If the waiter comes back," Alex said, standing up, "tell her I want another shot."

Kevin chuckled, standing up as well. "No can do."

Alex lifted one eyebrow.

"I gotta talk with a certain eighteen year old someone."

Alex laughed, slurring. "Okay. No prob. I'll go get my drink myself. Then I'm gonna look for Amanda. Later Kev."

Kevin nodded, then paused the younger man with a hand on his shoulder. "Alex, thanks."

Alex smiled. "Any time Kev."

Kevin walked towards the dance floor just as another song began. Kate's eyes found him, and she smiled before looking at matt and telling him to turn.

*****

I saw Kate looking at me, and I frowned. "What?"

She lifted one eyebrow, and I turned around to see Kevin approaching us. Suddenly, my jaw seemed to tighten. Kate's hand still in mine, she squeezed it.

"I'll be back in a second," she said, pulling away from my grasp. I looked at her and she just shrugged. "I gotta find nick."

I wanted to tell her to wait, not to leave me, but she was already gone.

"Hey there," Kevin said with a soft tone.

I crossed my arms, looking at him. "Hey."

"Do you want to..."

"What?" I didn't think he'd ask me to dance.

Kevin's head jerked towards the bathroom, and he looked at me. "Come with me?"

I sighed softly. I really didn't want to stay mad at him, but he better have a good explanation. I nodded, following him towards the bathroom. We walked out of the dance floor and into the small corridor, but instead of turning right, we went right ahead and then turned left.

There was an exit ten feet before us, and Kevin walked by, keeping the door opened for me. I thanked him as I walked into the chilly summer night.

It lead to a narrow alley, trash cans to the side, boxes to my left. I walked out and just leaned against the wall, crossing my arms before me.

"Cold?"

I looked at Kevin, then down at my demeanor and just shook my head. "No."

Kevin smiled softly, then cleared his throat.

I waited for him to say something, my eyes on the floor.

"I'm sorry."

The words surprised me, looking up at him, green expectantly eyes gazing into mine.

"What?"

I'm sorry," he repeated. "I really am. I didn't mean..." he sighed. "I was an idiot. I'm sorry. I just..."

"Its' okay."

"No, let me tell you this."

I nodded.

"I just thought... when you pushed me away, it thought you didn't want me," Kevin said with a self-deprecating snort.

I lifted one eyebrow, tilting my head to the side. "What? What made you think that?"

He shrugged, chuckling ironically. "I don't know. You are just... you're so cool when I get back from something. You don't seem to miss me, and I just.... I thought maybe you didn't want me. And then you did, you were there, on the bed, wanting me, and then you pushed me away."

"I did not..."

"You did."

"No," I said, pulling myself away from the door and towards Kevin. "No, you stopped, remember?"

"Because you didn't want to."

"You thought didn't."

"What about when I got back?"

I chuckled. "The guys were arriving... and ..."

"No Matt, you didn't want to do it. I get it."

I groaned in frustration, rubbing my eyes with my fists. "You're getting it all wrong. I just..." I sighed. "I want to sleep with you, okay? I do. I just... I don't want to do it just yet."

"Why?"

"Because I'm... I'm...."

I didn't even know what to answer to that.

"I want to wait. I want to see what happens. We've been together five months Kevin. Four of which you weren't even in the same zip code. I don't want to hurry things up." I sighed. "We've got the rest of the summer to enjoy each other. Lets do that. If something happens... if there gets a point when something happens, when it happens, then that's fine. I just want to wait a little bit first."

Kevin sighed softly, smiling at me, and he nodded. He looked at both sides of the narrow and empty alley before crossing the space between us and kissing me.

I leaned against the kiss, melting in his arms.

He pulled back with a grin on his face, and he caressed my cheek lovingly. I leaned against his touch and kissed his palm.

"Lets go back," Kevin said, his forehead against mine. He sighed softly and I smiled. "I love you.

"Love you too," I whispered, pulling back.

Kevin opened the door for me, and I following him inside. Passing the metal door, we took a step away from each other, not wanting to call out attention.

We were passing by the bathroom when I saw Alex coming out if, a glazed look on his face. "Hey there," he said, looking at us. He grinned from ear to ear. "I see you're better now."

I chuckled, blushing slightly as I ducked my head. "Yep. Pretty much."

"Good," he said, sliding his arm along my shoulders, squeezing my clavicle.

I smelled the alcohol in him, and something else I couldn't pin point exactly.

"Lets go and have some drinks Matt. On me."

"Alex," Kevin said warningly, and Alex chuckled at Kevin's indignation tone.

AJ just rolled his eyes. "You worry too much Kev. That's what makes you so old..."

He laughed, pulling me to the dance floor and following me. I turned around just in time to see Kevin shaking his head with laugher.

I grinned at him and he smiled back, blowing me a kiss. I chuckled at his risky show of affection and I mouthed that I loved him.

*****

I stumbled back into the room more out of tiredness than drunkenness, and I just made my way towards the bedroom, the lights off.

"Honey?"

I chuckled slightly, turning around to see Kevin leaning against one wall, his head tilted.

Kevin had had more than just a little to drink and, as Alex had later informed it, it had all been before making up with me.

Well, apparently Kevin tended to sulk with a glass of scotch by his side. Nothing wrong with that. Grandma used to say grandpa did the same thing. Never lifted his hand to her, so that was a good indication for Kevin.

I walked towards him, placing my arm along his back, and helped him walk towards the bedroom.

"I love you, you know that?"

I chuckled slightly at the question. Turning to look at him, I saw him pouting. I leaned over and kissed his pout away. "Of course I do. I love you too."

Kevin nodded enthusiastically. "I know you do. I love you."

I smiled, pushing the bedroom door opened and pulling Kevin along with me. I helped him sit down on the bed, and he just fell onto his back. I started taking off my clothes, and Kevin did the same in his drunken stupor.

"I'm not drunk," he said after a moment, and I just nodded.

"Of course you're not."

"I'm not." Kevin stood up, grinning seductively, approaching me slowly. He bended slightly and he kissed me. "I'm not," Kevin whispered against my lips and I knew he had been fooling me. "I just pretend to be."

"Well, good acting skills love," I told him, pulling away and shaking my head with a laugh. "And good think I don't tend to get mad over stupid things."

I almost heard him flinch. When I turned around, taking off my shirt, I saw him holding his head low, and I sighed.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I know."

"I'm--"

"No, I'm sorry." Kevin looked up at me, and he shrugged. "It was pretty stupid."

"You have tell me this things, you know?" I said as I walked towards him, my arms going around his neck as I pulled him closer to me. "You have to tell me this things, otherwise we just lose ourselves."

Kevin tilted his head, staring at me with a surprise look in dark green. "That was really profound."

I shrugged absentmindedly. "Yeah, well, I'm deep like that."

He leaned over and kissed me. "That's just another reason to love you."

"Oh really?" I asked as we pulled away, biting down his lower lip. "You've got many?"

"Tons," he said, kissing me one last time before walking towards the bed, shedding his clothes as he did so.

I followed suit, staying in boxers before climbing into bed.

He snuggled against me, holding me tightly to his chest, and I sighed in content.

"I love you," he whispered against my ear.

"I love you too."